Drunken Cinema- January 2011

Righto chaps,

The last one of these was the exquisite Lifeforce (well, the exquisitely jugged Lifeforce) and what with it being a new year, we should clearly have another stab at it. I’m posting a poll on this page this evening (week before payday, am skint so not going out) with the suggested titles.

Suggestions so far:

1) Killer Klowns (Frank)

An excellent and hilarious take on angry Alien Clowns armed with a variety of comedy circus based weaponry. No boob though.

2) Deadly Prey (Droid)

Mullets! Hot Pants! Crap Mercenaries! Stabbery- this may be tough to get hold of for most, though.

3) Split Second (Spud)


4) Conti’s soft-core porn thing (Conti)

Damned if I know where we’d get it, but it is done by one of us and does feature boob. Although knowing who suggested it makes me a bit wary.

5) The Convent (Me)

Stupendous opening, silly gay rubbish satanist, crap demons, Adrienne Barbeau, and best of all ANOTHER CRAP CAMEO from Coolio. Comedy gold. No boob here either.

Poll will go up later. If anyone has any other good suggestions (and also for a date- if it’s Conti’s porn then we may need some time to get it) stick them here. I’ll announce the winner on Monday.




On advice from the monkey, I’ve removed the porn from the options. The proposed date also seems to be set on 28th January. There will be booze, oh yes, there will be booze.

Now go and vote

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About Jarv

Workshy cynic, given to posting reams of nonsense on the internet and watching films that have inexplicably got a piss poor reputation.

79 responses to “Drunken Cinema- January 2011”

  1. Droid says :

    I can’t do next friday. You wouldn’t believe the fucking reason. I’ve got to go to some banking seminar and awards dinner, then the seminar continues on saturday! It’s completely fucked.

    So I won’t be involved I’m afraid. But DEADLY PREY FTW!!!

  2. Frank Marmoset says :

    Well, I’m hanging in there for Killer Klowns From Outer Space. It’s got crazy space aliens with popcorn guns and a spaceship that looks like ice cream, it’s legitimately funny, and it has an awesome theme song.

    But Deadly Prey, Split Second and The Convent all seem like good choices, too, so I don’t have a problem with any of those.

    Not sure about the soft core porn thing, though. No offense to Conti, but those things are almost always boring as hell and not funny at all. Plus, there’s the ick factor of a bunch of guys sitting in front of their computers watching boobs get fondled and whatnot. I vote NO on that one.

    • Droid says :

      There’s a case to be made that these movies may as well all be our next Drunken Cinema entries. Just gotta decide the order.

      I’m interested in seeing that movie Conti wrote.

      • Jarv says :

        That is a good point. Just deciding on the order.

        Split Second and killer clowns are both on stagevu. I can give you the link for The convent and Droid helpfully found Deadly Prey

    • Jarv says :

      Any off that list would be awesome.

      Conti’s thing is noir with boobs and I think lesbians. I’m not sure. Bang on about the ick factor, though.

  3. Frank Marmoset says :

    As far as I can tell, Killer Klowns, Deadly Prey, Split Second and The Convent are all on Stagevu, so folks with internet access and no qualms about thievery should be able to get hold of all those films.

  4. tombando says :

    Okay here’s my list:

    1: A*P*E* (you knew this would be here). Watching it will drive ya to drink.

    2: Willow!! C’mon-stabbery, Kilmer, and Warwick Davis!! What’s not to love here?

    3: Congo!! For all the reasons I mentioned for it earlier. Tim Curry! Joe Don Baker! Guys in Ape Soots!

    4: Death Proof!! You NEED a 12 pack to withstand this one.

    5: Gamera movie of your choice. I suggest the Sea World one from ’71. Make it a double.

  5. Continentalop says :

    I can understand why you’d be hesitant to watch The Big Turn On. I mean, I wrote it, that’s reason enough to hesitate…

    • Jarv says :

      Well, I’m sure we will all probably end up watching it. Just not at the same time.

      • Continentalop says :

        Yeah that would a little creepy.

        But I don’t anyone is going to be getting off watching it. You could probably sue by saying it’s claim as an “erotic” thriller was blatant false advertising.

        Just like the Neverending Story.

  6. Bartleby says :

    May I suggest the following:


    House II: The Second Story

    Ninja III: The Domination

    The Eliminators

    Death Trance

  7. Bartleby says :

    Dominion I meant, and didnt know that Jarv already called it..nice one.

    also, despite the fact Christmas has passed, Rare Exports. It’s definitely out there.

    Also, a goofy b-movie I just saw called The Last Lovecraft.

  8. Bartleby says :

    take whatever you want Jarv. I’m writing up Last Lovecraft for PCN if time permits. I really want you to see Rare Exports though. Nothing like a movie that combines Gremlins, The Thing (82) and Polar Express (the Van Allsburg picture book not the movie).

    • Droid says :

      Rare Exports looks classic. The shorts are great.

    • Spud McSpud says :

      RARE EXPORTS was fucking excellent! The way the threat is unveiled, the dread is just ratcheted up and up – and the way the threat escalates towards the end, some fantastic strong visuals, the way the last third of the movie looks like a graphic novel come to life… That movie was fucking AMAZING. It’s a solid Christmas classic now in the Casa de Spud.


  9. Continentalop says :

    Hey Frank, for the record it’s not porn. It’s soft-core.

  10. Bartleby says :

    here’s my Green Hornet review. After seeing it a second time, Im even less enthuastic:


    • Droid says :

      Isn’t that the case with most movies though? Less enthusiastic on the repeat viewing?

      • Bartleby says :

        Not always. I was trying to be kind and not give away my hand. I was also limited in what I could say before. I didnt realize first time through how much Rogen really kills the movie.

        Read the review. Knowing your bent and how you felt about Kick Ass, I dont see you loving this.

        You will probably know from reading if you still want to proceed.

      • Droid says :

        I’m seeing it this weekend with Season of the Witch. Another film you disliked.

        (Its why I said ‘most’. Some movies actually improve!)

      • koutchboom says :

        Well since its more like Pineapple Express meets Kick Ass i think Droid will enjoy it. I enjoyed Pineapple in theaters, but found it really boring and unfunny on VHS.

      • Bartleby says :

        good luck with that… at least see season first, as that should allow GH the best possible chance.

      • Droid says :

        ha! The timing works out Season second. Oh well.

      • Droid says :

        Yeah, I haven’t either. Still want to see it for myself though. But Drive Angry is where its at. Can’t wait for that one.

      • Bartleby says :

        and to be fair, I dont think its just me that disliked SOTW. I’m not really sure Ive seen a positive review for it.

      • Bartleby says :

        yea, thats what really bugged me about SOTW, it didnt even have a great unhinged Cage perf. Drive Angry seems to however. Another movie I look at it and cant help but wonder where the hell the Winchesters are, and when they will show up.

        Oh and example of a mediocre movie that did improve upon second viewing without being a ‘great’; film: The Warriors Way. Im still not up to your level of enjoyment on it, but it was better. Id actually say, for me, movies I’m meh on usually seem better the second time.

        Some great movies dissipate, and bad movies rarely ever get a pass if I didnt care for them the first time. Still, I find mostly, Im easier on something the second go-round, unless it’s a festering pile and then mostly I manage to never see it again.

      • Droid says :

        Yep, i agree. I actually think the second viewing is often more important than the first. You can be more objective. A film you really enjoyed the first time can reinforce your opinion (Inception), or make you think ‘what the hell was I thinking?” (Twister). A film you disliked the first time is the same. I wasn’t over the moon about The Frighteners the first time I saw it, but it grew on me in subsequent viewings and I love it now.

        TWW is half a very enjoyable movie. The first half is pretty bad I readily admit.

  11. Droid says :

    Conti, I’ve found your movie and am currently acquiring it. Does watching it make me square for refusing to take the Anthrowhatever bait?

  12. Frank Marmoset says :

    Hey Frank, for the record it’s not porn. It’s soft-core.

    Yes, but is it noir?

    People need to know whether various things are noir or not. It’s very important or something.

    P.S. People also need to know whether it’s soft-core hard-sci-fi or soft-core soft-sci-fi.

    • Bartleby says :

      god bless you, ya little monkey! remembering asinine convs well into the new year.

      You see Timer yet? Also, did you check out best horror/top ten over at PCN?

      • Frank Marmoset says :

        Nope, I haven’t seen Timer yet. It’s rare I voluntarily watch a romantical type film that doesn’t have Jennifer Aniston in it. Someone else told me it was good, though, so I may take a chance on it at some point.

        And yep, I’ve seen the list. I liked Let Me In, Buried and Frozen; The Crazies was okay; and I’ve already forgotten The Last Exorcism. Haven’t seen the others. It’s actually not a bad line up of films – I might even check out the ones that don’t have subtitles.

      • tombando says :

        what-Time out for Timer? now that Would be a horror movie–

    • Continentalop says :

      It’s not noir. It’s neo-noir.

      And I just know it isn’t hard core soft sci-fi.

      • Frank Marmoset says :

        It’s not noir. It’s neo-noir.

        I assume that means it’s a noir with Keanu Reeves in it. Hey, maybe it’s worth a watch after all. I like Keanu Reeves.

  13. DocPazuzu says :

    Congo is an excellent choice.

    Still, if I had my druthers I’d say MEGIDDO: OMEGA CODE 2!!!!

    Drink the glory of Megiddo with your heathen eyeballs:

    • Spud McSpud says :

      Awwww!! Apocalyptic Christian doomsday movie genre FTW!!!

      I raise your MEGIDDO with OMEN III: THE FINAL CONFLICT, which cheats as it is actually a competent movie, but then rules and wins because it’s the only Apocalyptic movie I’ve ever seen that sacks the fuck up and goes through with the whole The Second Coming ending.

      Well, except for that RTD/Chris Eccleston Second Coming mini-series, the ending to which made no fucking sense whatsoever.

      • Toadkillerdog says :

        Spud! Yes, I fookin luv that flick! Damien Omen III! I will get drunk and watch it any time! Hell i’m working on a drunk now, not doing too well though

    • Jarv says :


      Have to see that

  14. LB says :

    Omen 3-that’s proper.

    Nothing else to say.

    I vote yes.

  15. MORBIUS says :

    WhingeWorld . . .

    ANTHRPOPMUGUS . . . .by AmbushBug


  16. Bartleby says :

    I have seen Megiddo and that’s a must-see guys. There’s a scene where Biehn loads his weapon and in between driving the chamber home he says ‘The Lord giveth…and the Lord taketh away.’

    That someone thought they were making a spiritually edifying movie that features R. Lee Ermey as the Prez and Udo Kier with two hell hounds amuses me to no end.

    This makes the Van Dim original look like The Omen (original) in comparison.

    It’s hilarious.

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