Jarv casts his booze-sodden gaze back at 2010
Seeing as Droid has done his, and we all like these lists, I thought I’d put one up as well. Fuel for debate and whatnot.
I’ve seen nowhere near the volume of “new” films as Droid, partially because when it comes to going to the cinema I’m extremely picky but mostly because I watch a hideous amount of garbage and there are so many films out there that I don’t feel an overwhelming need to inflict new crap on myself when there’s plenty of old crap to wade through. So, therefore, this list is being done from films that I’ve actually seen. Therefore, I’m just doing a top 10 , a surprise, and a worst of the year. If a film received a Cinema Release in either the UK or the US in 2010 it’s in- so no whining.
Surprise of the Year:
Mega Shark v Crocosaurus
I was somewhat sceptical about this, it sounded like Kick Ass to me, and Kick Ass is something that I’m all prepared to hate when I eventually get round to seeing it (see also Scott Pilgrim). However, the twist in the film that Arthur is actually a retard was exquisitely done and the end was a real kick in the bollocks. The film still wouldn’t work were it not for the superb casting of Woody Harrelson in the lead- he’s got the perfect combination of simple looks and puppy dog eyes that make you not only hugely sympathetic to the character but you also really root for him. Simply a hugely underrated and supremely enjoyable film. Droid was right.
The Top 10 Films of the Year.
With the proviso that I’ve not seen Inception (sheer laziness), I’ve had to think long and hard about the order that these come in.
A good start to the year. Not the best film (obviously) but kudos to an intelligent and well-thought out take on the Vampire. Unfortunately it does fizzle out, and the cure itself is just plain daft, but overall, 2010 really did get off to a running start.
With a combination of stabbery, strong performances (notably from Postlethwaite and Purefoy), superb cinematography and a cracking story, this was a fine, fine start to the year. If I’d seen it at the start of the year and not in August. Fucking distributors. As a sidenote, a mate of mine knows one of the producers on this, and this is (great news this) part 1 of a trilogy! Fucking HUZZAH! As soon as the director finishes arseholing around with Silent Hill 2, he’s back in Howard’s world of Puritan badassness.
8)The House of the Devil
It’s been a fucking shocking year for Horror. Remake upon remake upon Torture Porn drivel. However, this film (UK release March 2010) really stood head and shoulders above the crowd. It’s essentially a film where nothing happens, but the dread mounts due to a superb performance from Jocelin Donahue who more than carries the film. It also deserves double credit for managing to withstand the temptation to slide down the Torture Porn route at the climax
I’m yet to see Romero’s original which I’m told is really good. I remain sceptical because almost everything that I’ve seen that has his name attached to it is fucking garbage. However, this remake was top drawer and kind of made me see your addiction to Timothy Olyphant. However, I then watched Hitman for my Video Game series and that went right out the window again. Nevertheless, this is a fucking good film and a pleasant surprise.
6) 44 Inch Chest
This film is not what it is sold as. In fact, I’m thinking about doing it for an underrated. The film is stocked full of superb performances from Ray Winstone, John Hurt, and Ian McShane (as a flamboyantly homosexual gangster) and was flogged as a London crime drama. It’s nothing of the sort. The nearest comparison to it that I can make (and I can’t believe this word wasn’t used about it more) is Pinteresque. If you’ve seen the Birthday Party and remember Stanley’s interrogation in it, well, that’s this film- words as weapons and dialogue that fizzes in a surreal and threatening manner. Magnificent.
Fine, it’s basically Death Wish with pensioners and Chavs, but mother of god what a good film. Michael Caine is outstanding as the OAP avenger with emphysema and the film grimly portrays life on a shitty sink estate to the letter- particularly the fear and futility of trying to appeal for help from the useless cunts masquerading as the police force in this country. Very strong performances from Samantha Morton and the chav support combine to make a thrilling ride through urban squalor. Top film.
STABBERY!!! STABBERY!!! STABBERY!!!
There was no way I was going to miss this off the list. A rollicking little film with more blood than a butcher’s floor. Superb performances from Michael Fassbender, Olga Kurylenko and most of all Dominic West as Neil Marshall takes a stab (heh) at the legend of the 9th Legion. Let that be a lesson to you, don’t fuck with the Scots.
Another that I was prepared to hate, and in fact it nearly made my “favourite of the year” title. Proof positive that Affleck isn’t as much of a cunt as he’s made out to be, with some strong performances (notably Pete Postlethwaite) and some cracking heist scenes. I was surprised and consistently entertained by this and thoroughly recommend it to everyone.
2) Bitch Slap
Nothing more really needs to be said about this one.
1) A Prophet/ Un Prophéte
I was prepared in advance for this being a good film, however, I wasn’t prepared for it being a great film. Having sat through the thoroughly underwhelming Mesrine, and the absolutely devastating Gomorrah just before I watched this, I have to say that I wasn’t in the best frame of mind. However, I can’t give it enough kudos, and this is the one film of 2010 above all others that I would insist is unmissable. Fucking wonderful film.
Films I’ve been too lazy to see but would probably dump Daybreakers off the bottom of this list:
4 Lions, Tropa De Elite 2 (I have to see this), Inception, The Expendables, The Rocket (hehe), Salt, Monsters
Films I’ve been too lazy to see but probably suck hairy goat balls:
Scott Pilgrim v The World, Sex and The City 2, Kick Ass, Iron Man 2, Toy Story 3, Shrek 9million,
Worst Film of 2010
I was originally going to give this to Splice, which I was inexplicably generous with on first review but has really soured in my memory not least of all because of the performance of “Human Blimp” Murphy. However, as much as it sucks (and it does), it isn’t the worst film I’ve seen that was released in 2010. Fuck you Murphy, you even fail at being the worst at something. Fat Cunt.
There was only one film I saw released this year that was worth the double eye-poke Orangutan of Doom and it can hold its head up high as being the ONLY film in the last 10 years that I’ve walked out of. Staggeringly boring, odiously pompous, completely uninteresting, I give you…
What. A. Load. Of. Shit.
And to think I could have seen Centurion instead.
Right, that’s the retrospective done- I’ve persuaded Mrs. Jarv that we need to see the Hairpiece in action so Season of the Witch launches 2011 in some style.