Has there ever been a good video game adaptation? Part 1- Silent Hill

I’ve been thinking about doing this for a while. We talk a lot about adaptations, and there’s one source material that never fails to elicit utterly scathing commentary from us: Video Games. Why is this? It’s not like we’re talking about Space Invaders or something being as most modern video games come complete with elaborate plots, fully realised characters and whatnot. It should be easy as pie to adapt one, given that the material is already essentially supplied by the developers and all they really miss is anything remotely resembling competent acting. Yet I’m pretty certain that it’s never been done. Of course, it doesn’t help that hacks like PWS Anderson and Uwe Boll tend to make most of them, but surely it must be possible? And with that preamble, I launch this new series with the star contender for “passable”: Christophe Gans’ Silent Hill. 

Before we start this, I have to say I adore Brotherhood of the Wolf. I think it’s a majestic piece of dumbness and quite simply one of the best French films of the last decade. So, when I heard that Christophe Gans was going to take on one of my favourite survival horror games, Silent Hill, and Roger Avary (an avowed fan of the series) was adapting it for the screen, I was excited, and yet, it just doesn’t work.

The film, to be honest, doesn’t open that promisingly. We’re introduced to the Da Silva family- Sean Bean (fucking Blade cunt) plays Christopher, and Radha Mitchell (an actress I really like) plays Rose. Their daughter Sharon (Jodelle Ferland) is plagued by nightmares and screams constantly about “Silent Hill”. No sooner can you say “shit idea” than Rose is taking her on a road trip to the town in a misguided attempt at therapy. Things inevitably go heinously wrong, and Rose and Laurie Holden’s Cybil  (not so much a cop as a stripper) are sucked into the parallel world of Silent Hill while Sean bumbles about in the real world attempting to find out where the hell his wife is.

This is, against all odds, quite a good film. Gans has a handle on the visuals and manages to recreate the look of the game perfectly. The fog swathed streets of the abandoned town are inherently eerie and he manages the contrast with the blood and rust soaked “nightmare” realm superbly well. This is a sumptuous film. He also, and all credit for this, manages to accurately recreate the various iconic monsters from the series. Sure, Pyramid Head shouldn’t appear, but if there’s one beast from the games that really does epitomise them, then he’s it, so it is fitting that he does. By faithfully recreating the look of the games he avoids one of the standard pitfalls that the likes of Anderson always make: games designers do generally know what they’re doing, and you don’t- so don’t fuck with the look of it.

The acting in this is also surprisingly good. I really like Mitchell, and think she’s excellent in the lead, and Holden has a good no-nonsense attitude. However, the best performances in the film are from Debra Kara Unger as the damaged Dahlia and Alice Krige as the completely demented cult leader Christabella. Krige in particular is a frankly terrifying fanatic, with a certain lunatic charisma and thoroughly deserving of her nasty end. Unfortunately, however, the action in the real world isn’t so well performed. Bean does his customary “plank of wood with terrible American accent” that he always does when required to do an accent, and Kim Coates detective is both completely extraneous and, well, a bit wet.

Which brings me neatly around to the first problem with this film. There’s no need at all for the entire Bean sub-plot. It’s fucking tedious watching him stumble around the ruins of Silent Hill, and nothing of interest happens in this section at all. I was thinking about the purpose of his third of the film the other day, and I’ve considered several different options, but in the end, I just can’t come up with a plausible use for it. Silent Hill is not a short film, and I’m damned if I know why they bothered tacking on upwards of 40 minutes worth of pointlessness. It’s actually indicative of the writing as a whole- irrelevant.

The writing, actually is the second problem with this film. Computer games as a whole, particularly Survival Horror, are designed to take upwards of 12 hours to finish. The player stumbles around the haunted mansion (Resident Evil) or the deserted town (Silent Hill) and gradually discovers clues, plot points and other pieces of vital information over the course of the game. It’s allowed to unfold at its own pace, and the mythology of the games, therefore, always feels natural. In Silent Hill, however, and this is also my best stab at what the Bean section of the film is for, the run time is only just over 2 hours long. Therefore, there is a need to jam the entire mythology with the cult, Alessa, the mutilated nurse, the school, the alternative dimension, the fire, etc. etc. etc. into the film. Avary and Gans had no way of doing this, so their solution (and it’s a terrible solution) is to have Rose travel down into the bowels of the hospital to confront the Beast. The run up to this is one of the more exciting scenes of the film, actually, which makes what follows even worse. Once inside, Rose meets Alessa who decides, for what feels like an eternity, to relate the entire history and mythology of Silent Hill to her. This is not only interminably boring, but as it is just before the big slaughter/ finale the film never recovers. There are rumours out there of a 3 hour cut of it that Gans did that allows the characters to uncover the origins (mostly Bean, from what I gather) without this enormous chunk of exposition, and if I can find it, then I’ll gladly give that a watch. I bet it’s infinitely better.

Overall, this is a passable film. It’s not great by any stretch of the imagination, and that exposition really does kill the film stone fucking dead. Nevertheless, the actors are good and do put in good performances and it is visually magnificent. It’s a tough one to grade, as this sets a benchmark for every other film that I’m covering, but all in all it is very hard to say that Silent Hill is anything more than mediocre (which makes it as good as Alien by the standards of this series). I give it a fair and balanced 2 Changs out of 4.

Well, that’s the best film I’m likely to review in this series covered. I’ve just discovered that there’s a sequel called Revelation in the works and the dude that directed Solomon Kane is helming it (Huzzah!). This could be the one that breaks the pattern.

I’ll return with an utter shitburger (probably Doom) between Christmas and New Year.

Until then,

Jarv

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About Jarv

Workshy cynic, given to posting reams of nonsense on the internet and watching films that have inexplicably got a piss poor reputation.

107 responses to “Has there ever been a good video game adaptation? Part 1- Silent Hill”

  1. Droid says :

    Yeah, we discussed this quite a bit when we watched it and those were the two things we pointed on. Pointless Bean subplot and momentum and atmosphere killing exposition scene. Otherwise a great looking and quite faithful adaptation of the game. I’d even lean towards 2 1/2 because all things taken into account, it does it pretty well and better than any video game adaptation I’ve seen.

    But explain this….

    Sean Bean (fucking Blade cunt) plays Christopher

    Fucking Blade cunt?

    • Jarv says :

      He supports Sheffield United and has a tattoo saying “Blades Forever” on his arm.

      Cunt.

    • Jarv says :

      Those are the two major flaws of the film, and I honestly believe it’s a problem inherent to survival horror as a genre. They physically cannot allow the film to unfold like the game, so take one of two options- the one here, or the Resident Evil approach. Neither works.

      I genuinely believe that the Bean sub-plot and the exposition both stem from this- you can’t discover things the same way in a film as you do in a game.

      • Droid says :

        There must be a way to do it. Or just don’t do it at all. Simply make it survival horror. Probably more terrifying if they didn’t bother explaining it.

      • Jarv says :

        I agree.

        But there seems to be an element of “must please the fanboys” that means they have to explain the mythology.

        Silent Hill 2 has an outstanding chance at it, as there’s fuck all in the way of mythology to it- just one man going mad in a deserted town.

        With whatshisname that did Kane in charge this could be a good one.

  2. Droid says :

    Can I also remind you that you are to watch Tomb Raider 1 & 2, Super Mario Bros and Don Murphy’s own… Double Dragon!!!

    • Jarv says :

      Yup. The full list is truly horrifying.

      Silent Hill has the second highest RT rating, just behind Final Fantasy, and not one film manages over 50%.

      Bear in mind I’m also in for Uwe Boll’s entire catalogue pretty much.

      • Droid says :

        I didn’t mind FF actually.

      • koutchboom says :

        Yeah I liked FF. Didn’t really like Advant Children though. That movie is just for the fans though. It was ok, but I had no idea what was the point of anything. I only played through the first disc of FF7.

      • Jarv says :

        I finished 7, so will watch Advent Children at some point.

        FF looks fabulous (as it should), but the story is some ridiculous neo-gaia hippy claptrap and the end is AWFUL. Not to mention that a lot of the voice acting ain’t up to much. I need to watch it again, but I think it’s lurking around about the 2 Chang Mark as well.

      • Jarv says :

        Meh. I own it.

        It’s not that bad, but is in no way, shape or form Final Fantasy.

        The end really kills it as well- it’s terrible.

      • Droid says :

        It’s not a great film or anything, but it’s got it’s moments. I’ve only seen it once at the cinema though.

    • koutchboom says :

      Damn for a minute I tought the Dragon Ball Z movie would fall into this category as well. That’s a cartoon not a video game (well it is but thats after the fact).

  3. Droid says :

    Here you go Jarv. One question I have when looking at these films is… Why?

    Super Mario Bros., Double Dragon, Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat, Mortal Kombat: Annihilation, Wing Commander, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within, Resident Evil, House of the Dead, Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life, Resident Evil: Apocalypse, Alone in the Dark, Doom, BloodRayne, Silent Hill, DOA: Dead or Alive, In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, Postal, Resident Evil: Extinction, Hitman, Far Cry, Max Payne, Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li, The King of Fighters, Tekken, Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time, Resident Evil: Afterlife.

    • Jarv says :

      You missed alone in the Dark 2 off that list.

      It’ll be fun, and I haven’t seen most of them. Those that I have seen, admittedly, suck balls.

      • Jarv says :

        OK, of that list that I’ve seen/ heard anything about the following are not that dreadful:

        RE: Extinction.
        Street Fighter: Legend of Chun Li
        PoP
        Final Fantasy
        Silent Hill.

        There are a few with comedy value: Dungeon Siege and I seem to remember Frank thinking Bloodrayne was hilarious.

        The rest blow.

    • koutchboom says :

      Its funny because people used to bitch that VIDEO games would RUIN FILM! Ahahahahaha

      Seriously though. A Mario Brothers film by Pixar, is the only shot they have.

      • Jarv says :

        No.

        Lost Planet or Silent Hill 2.

        Lost Planet= snow and space marines killing big bugs.

        Silent Hill 2= one man going mad being plagued by ghosts in a deserted town.

        Either of those would be doable.

      • koutchboom says :

        Well Silent Hill if it ever got made will be straight to DVD so that ones out of the question.

        What about this Uncharted buisness from David O Russell? Its off its on its off its on? That could work? Russell is very hit and miss.

      • Jarv says :

        It’s not made yet- the guy that did Solomon Kane is doing it and it has a reasonable budget. It’s called Revelation and is due out 2012.

      • koutchboom says :

        AND ITS IN 3D!!! YES!!!

        Well thats cool then. I just figured it would be hard to tap into that well again after Silent Hills meh box office.

        I’m guessing after RE4’s kick ass box office and amazing movie that we may see a trend in video game 3D films, just going off of this Slient Hill 2 news.

        Which will be great for me. And terrible for all sad saps not able to enjoy RE4. Though I do wonder if it’ll suck at home not in 3D.

      • Jarv says :

        Silent Hill broke even at the Box Office and shipped a decent amount of DVD’s. It’s in the black.

      • koutchboom says :

        heheheh Wing Commander….did anyone see that film?

      • Jarv says :

        I didn’t even know it was a film. I remember Luke Skywalker being in the game.

      • Spud McSpud says :

        WING COMMANDER was fucking terrible. And that coming from someone who doesn’t give a shit about video games.

        My picks for best video game adaps ever? SILENT HILL, MORTAL KOMBAT. Honourable mentions for batshittery: SUPER MARIO BROS, STREET FIGHTER (the Kylie / Van Damme / Raul Julia one).

  4. Droid says :

    I’ve seen Wing Commander. It’s pretty funny. Because it’s so shit of course.

    Uncharted stands a good chance of being alright. The games are fun and it’s pretty much just a Indiana Jones type character but in the modern day.

    • Jarv says :

      I said that about Tomb Raider though: Indiana Jones with norks, and we all know how they turned out.

      • Droid says :

        Yeah, but the character in the games is more of a wise cracking guy so the basis for the character itself is more indiana jonesish.

      • Jarv says :

        The problem with Tomb Raider was that they basically threw the idea (posh English girl with big tits steals shit from tomb) in with a load of half baked garbage about the fucking Magi or whatever it was, spiced it up with an atrocious daddy issue sub-plot and then shook it into a big turd cocktail.

        The best thing about the first film was the soundtrack (Leftfield FTW). The second film is truly dire and Butler is fucking woeful in it.

      • Droid says :

        I preferred the second film. But that’s faint praise.

      • koutchboom says :

        Yeah Tomb Raider the only film NIN did a song specifically for the movie? Fucking good soundtrack. Even that U2 song was good.

      • Jarv says :

        Even that U2 song was good.

        What? Are you sure?

        Hehehehehe

    • koutchboom says :

      Yeah but the whole on again off again David O Russell aspect of it….he’ll probably end up dropping out and some Mike Newell type will come in and boring it up.

  5. koutchboom says :

    Jarv before you get too pissed in all this about mid way through you should break and do some Video Games to Cartoons. AKA Earthworm Jim the cartoon! That show was awesome.

    • Jarv says :

      That was EPIC.

      Really the result of far too much in the way of drugs floating around the games designers, and then round the animators of the cartoon.

      That’s a fucking superb call and I’m definitely including it.

  6. koutchboom says :

    Anyone see that RE animated film? Resident Evil: Degeneration? It looked cool, but then I remember hearing that it was really boring.

    • Jarv says :

      I heard that too. I’m going to pass on it. 5 RE films are more than I can cope with, especially considering how bad one and two are- and 3 is only just passable.

      • koutchboom says :

        Don’t know how you can say 4 blows but 2 is the best? 2 is like a bad SyFy tv movie?

      • Jarv says :

        You’re confused- he didn’t, he was talking about Tomb Raider.

        I think 2 is the worst of the ones I’ve seen, but 1 is also unspeakable. 3 is passable and nothing more.

      • koutchboom says :

        Ahhh yeah Tomb Raider 1….Tomb Raider 2…………can’t see a difference between them in my mind. Just that tomb raider 2’s sound track blew.

        I don’t think one is really better then the other. Just neither of them work…I blame Jolie. She’s so unfun in both of them. She ruins it.

      • Jarv says :

        The whole mess was badly conceived. What should have been Indiana Jones with norks was turned into some terribly lame action thingy.

        They’re both boring as well, and that’s the worst thing about them.

      • Jarv says :

        Haven’t seen it yet. Isn’t Anderwank back at the helm?

        RE should have been a fucking gimme. How did he fuck that up so badly (lack of talent is not an acceptable answer)?

    • Col. Tigh-Fighter says :

      I watched the cartoon one. I rather liked it. But the animation is just like an extended segment from the game.

      But the airport setting was pretty cool.

  7. koutchboom says :

    OHHH GOOD!!! In all your list you guys are forgetting the single most important video game of the late 90s…… POKEMON!!!!

    There are at least 10 of those films. Ahahahahahahaha

    • Jarv says :

      Card Game.

      Doesn’t count.

      • koutchboom says :

        WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA!!! NO ITS NOT. The card game came after. It was made for video games first. And there are 14 films.

      • Jarv says :

        Well, I’m not putting myself through 14 films of animation about animals that can only say their name aimed at children as part of a marketing push. Fuck that.

      • koutchboom says :

        Ahahahahah I say you at least need to do the short film that happens before the first movie. If you ummm partake before hand its actually very funny.

      • Jarv says :

        Damn it. I’ve looked it up and you’re right. There’s a cartoon series that ITV show, so I’ll watch an episode of that and then call it shit.

      • koutchboom says :

        Well when I first heard about Pokemon. I just heard it was some crazy asian cartoon that gave kids seizures. So I watched a couple and was annoyed with how childish it was. I was expecting manga or something at least dragon ball Z. But don’t do that man the shows are annoying.

        I’ve seen the first film. There is a short before it that just a bunch of Pikiachu’s hanging around saying their name. Its fucking odd as hell. If you are high it’ll probably be pretty funny.

      • Jarv says :

        I’ve seen the first film. There is a short before it that just a bunch of Pikiachu’s hanging around saying their name. Its fucking odd as hell. If you are high it’ll probably be pretty funny.

        Oh god. That sounds horrible.

      • koutchboom says :

        Also Jarv, the short is only like 5-15 minutes, the shows are a half hour.

        Its not bad at all. The whole film yes thats bad. But that short is just so fucking weird. Its too odd and short to be harmful.

  8. Jarv says :

    I’m not doing this to a timetable. It’s just an idea I had because I haven’t seen so many of them.

    The one I’m really dreading is Hitman. I can’t think of a single positive thing to say about that that isn’t “Olga Kurylenko has nice tits and gets them out, but I think Olyphant’s character is gay as he turns her down” and that’s not particularly nice.

  9. Jarv says :

    Who was it that likes Anderson films? Was it Danny? I seem to remember someone berating me for being a fanboy for saying that RE was shit.

    • koutchboom says :

      I don’t hate Anderson. Stuntcock likes Anderson as well. I think RE 1, 3, 4 are fine. I think 4 is the best. I liked that RE 1 was like a connection between games 1 and 2. You know a lot more about the series then me.

      For what it is RE the series is fine. You really couldn’t ask for anything more. Granted you may say that it sets the bar low for video game movies. But its fine. You do tend to over hate on Anderson. Even Echo admits to gleefully enjoying RE4.

      • Jarv says :

        RE 1 was awful and took a huge dump on the games. Seriously, a really bad film.

        And even if it didn’t molest the game so badly, Amnesia? Really?

      • Jarv says :

        RE 2 is the worst and probably the only one I’d consider for an orang- it’s diabolically awful. Purefoy saves RE1 by the skin of his teeth.

      • Droid says :

        Anderwank gets fairly hated on because he’s never made a film that has gotten beyond utter mediocrity.

      • Jarv says :

        Shopping isn’t bad, and Event Horizon has it’s moments.

        Those were his first 2 though, and he’s shat a lot of things out since.

      • Droid says :

        I haven’t seen Shopping, but Event Horizon had some nice looking shots early on but was an utterly mediocre film. I’d give it 1 1/2. That’s his best film that I’ve seen.

      • Jarv says :

        I’d give EH 1.5 as well.

        Shopping scrapes a 2, and when I’m feeling generous I can be talked into a 2.5 for it- even though it has Jude Law in it.

      • koutchboom says :

        EH didn’t hold up at all for me recently.

        I’d say Death Race or RE 4 are his best films just because they are fucking fun. Shopping had a good soundtrack as well.

      • Droid says :

        I’d be tempted to Orang of Doom (or some sort of equivalent) Soldier. Just an awful fucking film that pissed me off when I saw it at the cinema. Haven’t seen it since. Plus it wastes a built like a brick shithouse Kurt who worked out for 6 months for the role.

      • Droid says :

        Death Race is a zero chang film. It’s absolute shit and I felt embarrassed for Allen and McShane.

  10. Droid says :

    Andersuck…

    Shopping – Not Seen
    Mortal Kombat – 1 Chang
    Event Horizon – 1 1/2
    Soldier – Zero Changs
    Resident Evil – 1/2 Chang
    Alien vs. Predator – 1 Chang
    Death Race – Zero Changs
    Resident Evil: Afterlife – 1/2 Chang

    • koutchboom says :

      I wonder if Anderson was American you guys would be more forgiving? Is it because he’s british and makes these sort of clap trap films you guys hate him? You expect more out of a fellow countrymen?

      I mean I can’t think of another British director (working now) that makes the sort of silly SyFy films that Anderson makes. Most British films are very serious in nature and plot and movie. I guess Hopskins is another director similar in nature to Anderson (in fact I always thought Paul made Lost In Space for some reason). AND you guys don’t like Blown Away either.

      Also for the purpose of this I’m assuming all Brits and Aussies are the same thing.

      • Droid says :

        Hopkins has made a couple of movies I like. Predator 2 (yes, I’m the guy you’ve heard of that likes Predator 2) and the remake of Jaws. Overall he’s a better director than WS, but that isn’t saying much.

      • koutchboom says :

        Yeah Hopkins is really solid. He also did The Life and Death of Peter Sellers. He’s got a good record, and his films hold up well. Blown Away may be the best movie he’s done though. I need to see Predator 2 again. Judgment Night is really good and he did one of the Freddys. Never saw The Reaping.

      • Droid says :

        The Reaping was terrible. His Freddy flick was crap but that’s not really his fault. It was number 5 I think. In the middle of the catchphrase buffoon Freddy period.

        Judgement Night I haven’t seen since the early 90’s. I remember it being okay. Blown Away is not a very good film. Neither is Lost in Space. Haven’t seen Sellers.

      • koutchboom says :

        Yeah you need to see Blown Away again. Movie is much better then you remember. Was watching JFK last night, that was back when Tommy Lee Jones was still trying interesting roles.

      • Droid says :

        Then you should’ve got my Clay Bertrand challenge!

        JFK’s a great film. Stones mellowed in his old age, which is a shame.

      • koutchboom says :

        hahah yeah i saw that and should’ve figured it out. I thought you two were talking about cricket for some reason.

    • Tom_Bando says :

      “Better grab your hose and socks and pull. I found out who Clay Bertrand is–”

      JFK two guys who help make that movie work are Michael Rooker and Jay. O. Sanders. I enjoyed watching their support of Costner esp. in the ‘walking tour of New Orleans’ type scenes they did.

      ‘443 Camp Street. 234 Lafayette Street’ etc etc. Good stuff.

  11. Xiphos0311 says :

    This was an alright movie had some nice visuals and since I knew absolutely nothing about it except for it being a from a cartoon game it was OK. I have no desire to see it again but it was decent for killing some time on a Sunday afternoon.

    It was probably me that said they don’t hate Anderson. He’s not great but I can sit through his movies, well some of them at least, but I don’t hate the guy or anything. I would prefer to watch his shit then watch Cokey’s or Shamandlame’s. At least I can get some unintended chuckles and goofy entertainment out of his flicks then I get out of the other two assholes movies.

    • Jarv says :

      I am (sadly) attached to things he tends to bum rape. If I take Droid’s list above:

      Shopping – meh, not bad 2.5 Changs
      Mortal Kombat – 1 Chang (shit but the game is a one on one beat em up, without a real story)
      Event Horizon – 1 1/2
      Soldier – Zero Changs (fucking waste of Kurt- I’d consider this for an orang)
      Resident Evil – 1/2 Chang- (unforgivable dump on the game, and fucking Amnesia)
      Alien vs. Predator – 0 Changs (dreadful- I’m really attached to Alien and I hate it)
      Death Race – Zero Changs (seconded, I’m really attached to the Carradine one which I think is aces)
      Resident Evil: Afterlife – Not seen

      He’s shit.

  12. DocPazuzu says :

    re Solomon Kane, have you guys seen or discussed it yet? I’m still in shock over how much I loved it. I thought I was going to hate it because of the announced origin story, but I thought it actually worked. What they did was set his character up so that the next movie (Please God, let there be another one!) he can hit the ground running.

    SK captured the essence of the REH stories perfectly, there was excellent and abundant stabbery and Purefoy was fucking AMAZING as Solomon Kane. More please!

    • Jarv says :

      Yeah- Droid reviewed it ages ago. It was nominated for a Golden Graboid due to the sheer arseraping it received from the distributors.

      Top fucking film. Droid gave it 3 out of 4, and I’d consider 3.5.

      One of the few DVD’s I’ve paid full price for.

      • Droid says :

        I’ve watched SK again and it’s the type of film I can’t give 3 1/2, but 3 feels like I’m shortchanging it. I give it 3 1/4!!!!

      • Jarv says :

        I’ve seen it a few times now, and my only real complaint is the slightly ropy CGI on the final beast.

      • Droid says :

        Solomon Kane, Centurion and Outlander make up the awesomely entertaining “totally fucked by distribution” trilogy.

      • Jarv says :

        Heh.

        That is an AWESOME Triple Bill. We may have to do that at Christmas. Mrs. Jarv will moan about it, but NO! I’m doing the cooking so what I say goes.

      • just pillow talk says :

        I don’t know when the fuck netflix will be getting Solomon Kane…that’s the one piece I’m missing.

        So far, I would rate Centurion a bit higher than Outlander, though I do need to see both again.

      • koutchboom says :

        Hrmmm that is a tough call. I think Outlander was more straight up fun, but Centurion looked better.

      • just pillow talk says :

        I think it probably depends upon your mood…I would agree that Outlander is the more fun movie, but if you want stabbery of the highest order, Centurion is your movie.

      • Droid says :

        I like Centurion more than Outlander. I actually didn’t go nuts for Outlander the first time I watched it. But I’ve seen it twice since then and it’s grown on me a lot. I think I initially had a hard time getting past a monster that wouldn’t look out of place at Ministry of Sound.

      • just pillow talk says :

        And Solomon Kane would rank higher than Centurion for you I presume?

        It’s a shame those movies got shafted. I mean, they are infinitely more entertaining than the vast majority of other films that get tons more exposure.

        Pah!

      • Droid says :

        Not sure about that. I’ve only seen Centurion once. I’d need to see how it played on second viewing. It’s neck and neck. They both kick ass so no point splitting hairs.

        And yes, those films are great and its a crying shame they got treated as badly as they did.

      • Droid says :

        I just chuckle that the same day I saw Centurion, Jarv saw some POS mexican scifi movie. Centurion FTW!!!

  13. DocPazuzu says :

    Oh and the Doom movie sucks a fat cock.

    • Jarv says :

      Indeed.

      Awful. That’s definitely next in this series- just so I can be hugely rude about it for being shit and rude about Knowles for wanking over it.

      • DocPazuzu says :

        Speaking of Knowles, what the FUCK is going on over there? Is that what talkback is supposed to look like from now on? Fuck that place. It was bad enough with the increasingly tasteless, sell-out, non-sequitur-riddled reviews. Now they’ve upped the suck with a perfectly unreadable format. I feel sorry for Quint. Vern and Mori had the right idea.

      • Jarv says :

        I went there for the first time in ages the other day. It’s a shithole full of idiots and is now nigh-on unreadable.

  14. DocPazuzu says :

    Weird. I just read that review and found to my dismay that I had actually read it before AND commented on it. My memory is fucked…

  15. ThereWolf says :

    I like Silent Hill. I think the film does recover from the exposition scene, just. But you’re right, it goes on and on… I’m watching it thinking ‘Why didn’t you introduce some of this information over the course of 2 hours, instead of in one fat dollop now just as the movie is revving up?’

    The Bean segments (“Blade cunt” – heh!) are completely out of step. It probably read better. I think Gans gets close to what he was after during the wander round the school when Chris ‘senses’ Rose – that’s the only time that idea comes close to working.

    Overall SH captures the atmosphere of the game very well – I love the game (still got 3 & 4 I haven’t played on PS2) – and I was surprised and pleased with the outcome.

    Funny y’all should mention ‘Solomon Kane’ & ‘Centurion’ – coz I’ve got those to watch at Christmas and I was already considering a ‘treble’ with ‘Outlander’…

  16. Spud McSpud says :

    I’m guessing Jarv isn’t a fan of WHEN SATURDAY COMES, then…

  17. Mike says :

    Sean has an elvish nine on one arm and on the other 100% Blade and not Blade forever.

    If you cite do it right.

    BTW he’s a great actor.

    • Jarv says :

      I knew about the Elvish tattoo, Apologies for misciting the other one. It was a cheap gag base on nothing more than tribal prejudice.

      He is a good actor, and has been excellent in lots of things.

    • Droid says :

      Sean has an elvish nine on one arm and on the other 100% Blade and not Blade forever.

      WHO. FUCKING. CARES?

      Honestly, unless you’re Sean Bean himself, being a sad cunt who obsesses about Sean Bean’s tattoo to the point of posting a correction on a random website is no way to go through life.

      • Jarv says :

        He may be the Tattooist.

        I’m surprised at the correction, to be honest, as it is inconsequential. However, I did get it wrong (below the line, so not in the article).

        Doesn’t change my opinion of Sheffield United and their fans, though.

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