20th October, 2010  

*H*I*G*H*L*A*N*D*E*R*P*A*L*O*O*Z*A*- Purging the Quickening, it’s Part 3: The Sorcerer

Welcome back to Highlanderpalooza.

After the debacle that was Highlander 2: The Quickening, you would think that we would be deterred from this reckless and ill-advised mission. But no, we are fearless Warrior-Priests of Chang and no amount of utter shite will stop us from completing our quest to watch all 5 Highlander films in 5 Days.

This time out, bloody but unbowed, we are again getting drunk and doing Highlander 3: The Sorcerer, alternatively known as “Highlander 3: The Final Dimension”, or “Highlander 3: You mean there was a part 2, don’t know nothing about that one guvnor”.

I am reliably told that there is some casual nudity in this one, of a certain Debra Kara Unger, and that it is dramatically better than the epic clusterfuck that is part 2. I saw it years ago and cannot remember a damned thing about it.

So, once again I’m going to rate it in advance- 1.5 Changs.

Showtime is 7.30pm UK time (I’ve got to get this one finished before Mrs. Jarv gets home).

So, Changians, ready your beer and drink heartily, for tonight we dine on HIGHLANDER 3: THE SORCERER…

EDIT- Well, that was shit. It’s half a chang for that.

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About Jarv

Workshy cynic, given to posting reams of nonsense on the internet and watching films that have inexplicably got a piss poor reputation.

235 responses to “*H*I*G*H*L*A*N*D*E*R*P*A*L*O*O*Z*A*- Purging the Quickening, it’s Part 3: The Sorcerer”

  1. Droid says :

    There were no winners here tonight.

    Only HIGHLANDERPALOSERS!!!

    Reply
    • Jarv says :

      And we get to do it again tomorrow with Highlander Endgame, which I think is the worst of the series.

      Reply
      • Droid says :

        Christ almighty. How can it be worse than the junk we’ve just watched?

      • Jarv says :

        I think it’s more boring and it’s a spin off of the TV series.

      • Spud McSpud says :

        I declare an equal tie for bottom billing between ENDGAME and THE SOURCE. At least Lambert has the good sense to have nothing to do with THE SOURCE…

        I cannot believe how utterly terrible Mario Van Peebles was in this movie. What’s with the shitty accent? Why is he trying to channel the Kurgan? Only Clancy Brown can channel the Kurgan! And PIERCED FUCKING NIPPLES on display? What the FUCK, maaan?

        Terrible, terrible movie, though nowhere near as bad as THE QUICKENING. Though nekkid Kara Unger is never bad (though I haven’t see CRASH, so…)

      • Jarv says :

        It’s less reprehensible than Crash, but there’s a lot more minky on display in the fetish film.

  2. Tom_Bando says :

    HA am glad I have NOT seen this one. Egads.

    Jarv-took one for the team

    Droid-never knew what hit him

    Mr Marmoset-well, blame it all on the monkey.

    Reply
    • Franklin T Marmoset says :

      Hey, man, why do people keep blaming me?

      This whole Highlander thing was Jarv’s idea!

      Reply
      • Jarv says :

        It was my idea that you watch them. I wasn’t meant to get caught in the crossfire.

        See?

        Actually, I think Droid has nobody to blame but himself. He did volunteer.

      • Droid says :

        No. I blame the both of you. Cunts.

      • Jarv says :

        Hmph.

        Rude bugger.

      • Franklin T Marmoset says :

        It’s true, I am a bad influence. This has been pointed out to me many times.

        I’m going to grit my teeth and plow through Highlanders 4 and 5 tonight, partly because I’m going out Friday and partly because, after Highlander III, all my excitement has evaporated and I just want to get this shit finished.

        highlanderpalooza. hooray.

      • Jarv says :

        I think The Source is more up your alley, Frank.

        It’s completely insane- set in the near future, Duncan Macleod meets up with a group of telepathic immortals to go and find the source of their immortality. Which is a scantily clad chick as I remember. However, looking for the Source awakens “The Guardian” who is a squeaky voiced hyperspeed muppet to try to kill them.

        That’s the gist of it.

      • Spud McSpud says :

        I fucking LOVED how batshit insane THE SOURCE was. I caught it on some late night channel one rainy night and watched the entire sorry pile of shit to its bitter, lunatic conclusion – and I have come to one inescapable conclusion:

        HIGHLANDER 6 MUST BE SET IN SPACE!!

        In space, there can be only one…

      • Jarv says :

        With Lightsabres.

        If you’re going to do something do it properly.

  3. Jarv says :

    Here you go:

    This is truly a masterpiece, this gem of a film should be shown in every film school in the world, it is a modern day classic! From the astonishing cinematography to the spot on acting, from the amazing editing to the incredible pacing, from the surprising story to the inventive dialogue…this movie does NOTHING RIGHT!!!!!! I give it ten stars out of ten simply because this kind of horribly rotten movie can’t be made by accident. This must have been done purposely, it’s the filmmakers telling us that if they can’t make a good movie, they’ll make the worst movie they possibly can! And they succeeded! They succeeded wonderfully! This is a marvelous disaster! The cinematography is amazingly bad, every single shot is wrong, every one, you can’t do that on accident, it’s mathematically impossible! The acting is spot on, that is if they were making Harold and Kumar go to White Castle; it frequently appears that every single scene had something different than what we saw precede it. It doesn’t make any sense, it’s genius. The editing is amazing, it makes the viewer so nauseous that it is literally painful to watch. The pacing is incredible, it makes no sense, and builds not a scintilla of tension. The dialogue is so very inventive, just when you think each character might say something that makes sense, they either go into a dry, boring monologue or make a bad cliché’d remark. Usually they do one when they ought to do the other and they always make sure they do it at the wrong time. It’s fabulous. But the best part of this Oscar caliber (especially these days) bad movie, is the STORY! OH MY GOD!!!!! Not only did they take a flimsy, half-hearted, ridiculous premise–Immortals looking for the source (of what I don’t freakin’ know)–but they used it to tell a completely retarded, non-sensical, meaningless, confusing, and very, very, stupid story. Brilliant, of all movies (yes I do include “Batman and Robin”) that grace the worst of lists, of all the movies meant to be the worst of the worst, this has to take the cake. My hats are off to the writers and producers, you have made the worst movie in history, and you should be proud of yourselves. I can’t wait for the sequel, “Highlander: making love to a dead and decayed franchise”.

    HIGHLANDERPALOOZA!

    Reply
    • Tom_Bando says :

      Oscar worthy experience I am sure.

      Reply
    • Spud McSpud says :

      I just fucking hate Adrian Paul. I’m sure he’s very good in an RSC sort of way in everything else he’s ever done, but the whole Duncan MacLeod thing? Fucking retarded from start to finish. Fuck him and fuck his weak sauce attempts to keep HIGHLANDER continuity – as if there is such a thing in the HIGHLANDER series…

      Reply
      • Jarv says :

        Fuck the TV Series. It was utter wank.

      • Tom_Bando says :

        I (vaguely) remember there was a TV series based on this shit, now that you’ve dredged up this (sad) memory. My my. It’s amazing how much they can get outta one(1) good movie….4 sequels and a TV series(!).

        And the Lambert. It’s Gotta be the Lambert.

  4. Franklin T Marmoset says :

    Hey, did anyone know there is a sixth Highlander film?

    It’s an animated film from 2007 called Highlander: The Search For Vengeance. Supposedly, it’s good, but it’s a Japanese Anime kind of thing so I don’t believe that’s possible.

    Reply
    • Jarv says :

      Well, Frank, I think that I’ll avoid that.

      Reply
      • Spud McSpud says :

        Not so fast, Jarv. Many of the reviews I’ve read have indicated that after the first movie, this is the best HIGHLANDER sequel ever made.

        Strong words, but they do require verification. I’ve been meaning to order this for ages but never got round to it. Anyway, give this a go before totally writing off the idea:

      • Spud McSpud says :

        Am off to work, HIGHLANDERPALOSERS. Have fun with ENDGAME – yet another showcase for the awesome over-acting God that is Bruce Payne!!

        (For full Bruce Payne effect, watch these back to back: PASSENGER 57, PYRATES (feat. Kevin Bacon!), WARLOCK 3, HIGHLANDER: ENDGAME. Then go and wash your brain in the strongest bleach you can find.)

      • Spud McSpud says :

        But before I go:

        Yes, it really was THAT bad…

      • Spud McSpud says :

        Dammit!! I meant THIS really was as bad as you remember it being:

        Yep, THAT cartoon…

        Have fun with ENDGAME, in the name of Chang!!

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