Jarv’s Schlock Vault: Fist of the Vampire

I’ve been waiting for this all my life

Jarv’s Rating: It’s the double eye poke fuck you Orangutan of Doom for this shit. Fuck this film, fuck every cunt involved in this. Fuck Brain Damage films, fuck Len Kabasinski. This film is utter fucking shite and managed something that we all claimed to be the fucking impossible.

Dearly beloved, I stand before my fellow believers on this sombre day with some terrible news. Before we take a moment of silence to mourn the passing of happier days, I would like you all to join me in a moment of prayer, where we shall ask our gods to visit these Brain Damage motherfuckers with great vengeance and furious wrath for their transgressions against cinema, and don’t hold back on the wailing and gnashing of teeth. For these cunts, and this Len Kabasinski cunt in particular, have managed to not only offend your holy name, but to rend our dreams asunder and shake one of the key tenets of our beloved church. The 29th September 2007 shall forever be a day that lives in infamy for us Changians, for it was on that day that the heresy of Fist of the Vampire first received a release.

What have they done that is so terrible? Consider that I will sit through almost anything, so for me to have hit my limit it must be pretty bad. Well, I can’t believe I’m about to write this, so please allow me a moment to compose myself.

These useless, talentless cunts have managed the impossible. Are you ready for this? The writer, director, cunt in chief, one Len Kabasinski, has managed to craft a film so woefully inept that he made lesbianism boring. That’s right, this is the only film I’ve ever seen that isn’t redeemed by utterly gratuitous acts of lesbianage.

The question that must be asked, is how the fuck can you manage that? Well, I know now, and I feel it incumbent upon me to share it with you. What you do, is cast a soft core porn actress, say Darian Caine (for the sake of argument), then cast a woman with a face like a blind carpenter’s thumb and a body that could do with a crash course of bulimia opposite her. Then you film the whole thing through a filter that looks like it was made from a pair of soiled pantyhose, to a soundtrack of some dreadful sub-Evenescence caterwauling that sounds like it was recorded for the sole purpose of pissing me off. When Kabasinski finished putting this magic combination together, he’d crafted a lesbian scene about as erotic as a bowl of rice pudding. What a cunt, he’d actually managed to make the usually glorious sight of two naked women fondling each other boring.

Rather than just rant for 1000 words about this fucking travesty, I suppose I should explain what Fist of the Vampire is actually about. The film opens in 1977 with a family being slaughtered by 3 vampires. I actually took 4 attempts to make it past this scene, as it’s filmed in some dreadful grainy psuedo-grindhouse style and is actually almost completely unwatchable. Furthermore, this is the first instance of lousy CGI in the film (this time it’s fire). It’s really, really fucking horrible stuff. Anyhow, the film cuts to Supercop (Lee) played with all the charisma of a small root vegetable by Brian Anthony,  kicking some ass. He’s busted in on a drug factory and is shooting cunts all over the place with his magic gun that never requires reloading. There’s mucho claret thrown around here, except it’s all CGI and terrible, and even worse the fucking muzzle flares are CGI. What sort of cunt would think that was a good idea? Oh, and Lee gets to beat up a woman for a bit in a decision made in a complete taste bypass. Thankfully, it’s not so grainy now, but instead we’ve got idiotic camera angles, stupid slo-mo and cuntish over-editing. You really can’t make out what’s going on.

Anyhow, for reasons too boring and cuntish to go into, Lee joins the DEA and goes undercover at some stupid and cuntish fight club run by Nicholas, the fat vampire, played with complete absence of talent by Brian “Blue Meanie” Heffron, allegedly a wrestling superstar (except if he’s a wrestling superstar then I’m in line to be Poet fucking Laureate). He’s a fat cunt, with a cuntish beard and a cuntish outlook. Anyhow, Lee teams up with Cheyenne King’s undercover cop and they clean the place out. Lee, apparently, was the survivor of the initial murders. As if I care. As if it matters.

As you may have gathered this film is terrible. The acting is uniformly atrocious. Darian Caine may be the veteran of about 1000 soft core filth offerings, but on the evidence of this was by far the most talented person  involved. Anthony, in particular, has all the charisma of a tin of baked beans. His Lee is a complete and utter plank with the emotional range of a blow up sex doll. However, worst of the lot is the fat beardy cunt that appears from nowhere to play the drug dealer. The cunt has clearly modeled his performance on Gary Oldman in True Romance, except without a single modicum of the talent necessary to pull it off. Honestly, when this cunt is on screen it’s almost a preferable option to bang a knitting needle through your ear to end the pain.

As will also no doubt come as a massive shock, the writing is also terrible (once again, that’s something that that cunt Len is directly responsible for). Events just occur for no apparent reason and with no apparent consequences, like for example, Caine’s feeding scene. Nicholas and Reno turn up at her place and find it full of naked vampire chicks with her sitting with another chick in a bath full of blood. Nicholas is, unsurprisingly, pissed at this one, and lectures her about if she must feed she has to “Clean her plate” (HAR DE FUCKING HAR, CUNT). Then they bugger off.  There’s no mention of the fucking army of semi-naked/ completely naked lesbian vampires left behind. There also isn’t a single memorable line in the film. Utter shit.

Seriously, can any cunt make out what the fuck is going on here?

Then there’s the cinematography. It’s fucking terrible. Most of the time the camera is either too low, too high, or moved in a jerky way. Furthermore, it looks like shit (the nylon filter mentioned above) and it’s damned hard to make out what the fuck is going on. As if that wasn’t irritating enough the fight scenes (allegedly all involving people that can actually fight properly) are fucking terrible. The combatants move with the speed of a slug slithering through treacle, and you can clearly see missed blows and the rest of it.

Then there’s the sound. Fuck me. The score is all over the fucking place, with a combination of grating techno, the aforementioned faux-Evenescence drivel and some god awful theme song that sounds as if Kabasinski went out of his fucking way to find the least talented Slipknot tribute band spawned from a flyover state basement. Like Slipknot themselves, actually. As if that isn’t insulting and shit enough, there’s also terrible folio work. Gunshots don’t match up to muzzle flares and in one interminable scene at the beach all you can hear is the sound of the waves because some silly cunt stood in the wrong place with the mike and no other cunt noticed. Woeful.

This all sounds insulting and obnoxious, doesn’t it? But believe it or not, I’m not done. There was clearly a budget of some sort involved in this (not a  big one) and Kabasinski decided to wax the whole fucking lot on dreadful CGI. The vampire death effects are horribly bad, but they look like Avatar compared to the simply awful CGI gunshots, CGI blood and CGI fire. There’s a CGI overload in this sack of crap that makes me actively angry. It wouldn’t have been less shit with practical effects, but it might not have been as cuntish.

Overall, this film is complete and utter fucking shit. I am actively angry at this toss, because I enjoy rooting around through schlock, and because of this I’m now a bit trepiditious about venturing back into the vault. Thank you very, very fucking much, cunts. Avoid this shit.

As a final note, interestingly this is my second stab at this review. I wrote it once, and almost as if Moonwolves itself was actively offended at it, when I hit publish, it did nothing of the sort and in fact deleted the first effort. So I’ve had to redo it. Needless to say, for a film as shit, obnoxious and downright cuntish as this one, I can’t say I blame the site.

Until next time,

Jarv

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About Jarv

Workshy cynic, given to posting reams of nonsense on the internet and watching films that have inexplicably got a piss poor reputation.

159 responses to “Jarv’s Schlock Vault: Fist of the Vampire”

  1. Jarv says :

    Making a late stab at rant of the year. Sorry about the length of this rant

  2. Droid says :

    He’s a fat cunt, with a cuntish beard and a cuntish outlook.

    With the literary prowess on display here, I’d support your quest to become Poet Laureate.

  3. LB says :

    CGI Gunshots is my new Pet Peeve. i’m now noticing them all over the place after watching some awful movie like this one.

    I actually noticed them at times (not often) in Starship Troopers. Anyway, they have become the bane of my existence after watching a trailer for some schlocky Kung Fu movie which i can’t even remember what it is.

    Technically, *technically* in certain rare circumstances they might be needed. Say in a public space, or in a scene where there are too many extras to safely use blanks and you have no budget.

    But for fuck’s sake-blanks aren’t *that* expensive. And unless you have fakey made up prop guns that are futuristic-there’s no excuse.

    This movie sounds like a real piece of shit.

    • koutchboom says :

      CGI fog cold breath is my pet peeve. I hate it worse than CGI blood, CGI knives, CGI gunshots, CGI crappy monsters. Mainly because there is no fucking point to it.

      • Jarv says :

        It’s daft really, this overuse of CGI. But I’ve never seen anything as bad as the gunshots here.

        Have you put your nominations up, Koutch?

  4. Jarv says :

    It certainly is a real piece of shit,bronco. The worst vault film since Demon Cop. The cgi gunshots in this are unforgivably fake looking

  5. Jarv says :

    Oh and this contains my record use of the word cunt- over 20 uses in some form

  6. ThereWolf says :

    Jaysus, Jarv, are you and Kloipy trying to one-up each other by watching the worst shite possible?

    A very entertainingly cuntifying review. Well done.

  7. DocPazuzu says :

    Sounds almost as bad as Highlander: The Source.

  8. DocPazuzu says :

    re lesbianism:

    Y’know, it’s all very nice and dandy in a “regular” film in a oo-er kind of way, but I really have a hard time with lesby scenes in outright adult entertainment. I think it’s the element of vicariousness that goes out the window as soon as it’s just women in on the action. The only exception I can think of is the Jesse Jane and Belladonna scene in Pirates 2 which is awesome.

    Am I alone in this?

    • Jarv says :

      What, you mean lack of a proxy in “the action” so to speak?

      I don’t watch enough porn to have a serious opinion- where’s Droid when we need him?

  9. Len Kabasinski says :

    i LOVED a couple years ago when director Uwe Boll KO’d a critic in a boxing match. LOVED it so much, because this FAGGOT critic got personal with Boll about his films much like this similar FAGGOT “Jarv” likes to do. sooooo, i prpose an MMA match where i inturn will give some of the filmmakers what i think they want…and thats to see this FAGGOT “Jarv” properly KTFO by yours truly. proceeds will benefit charity so it’s a win-win kind of night for everyone. set it up douche bag. let’s see if your survival skills are as big as your mouth mother fucker. i dont take reviews personal but i do take personal attacks on me personal. lets see if you can cash the checks your mouth likes to write.

    yours truly,
    Len

  10. Jarv says :

    Actually, I’ve got a better idea. I’m happy to admit that you could beat me into a coma without breaking sweat. I’m also happy to admit that you got a film made, something I’m never going to do, so well done there.

    In return. I challenge you to make your next film actually good. I’ll dig it up, because I love low rent stuff, and if it’s good then I’ll write you, in full, an apology, and call myself all names under the sun?

    Deal?

    • Continentalop says :

      Why apologize? You’re just stating your opinion. If he makes a good film just congratulate him and give him a good review.

      • Jarv says :

        I meant apologise for calling him a talentless cunt. If he makes a good film, then I’ll say that I was wrong and he’s not useless and talentless.

      • D.Vader says :

        Agreed. No need to apologize. Its your opinion. Stand by it, unless you do feel bad for hurting his feelings. Then the apology would be acceptable.

      • Jarv says :

        I never want to actually hurt anyone’s feelings. I’m not a bastard. It’s a schtick more than anything else.

        I stand by my opinion of this film, it’s terrible, but if his next films are good, then why not say it?

      • Continentalop says :

        Although I could see the offense to the term cunt. But that is just Jarv’s way of speaking.

        He called me a cunt after Thundercrack!

      • Jarv says :

        That’s the thing I was thinking of.

        It was also a very strong reaction.

  11. D.Vader says :

    FATHER SAYS DON’T CHANGE THE SUBJECT AND JUST ANSWER THE FOOKIN’ QUESTION:

    Does a vampire get fisted in this one?

  12. Len Kabasinski says :

    give me your address. ill actually send you my next 2 films i made after this

    your truly,
    len K

  13. Len Kabasinski says :

    i didnt find it. an actress in the film spotted it and emailed it to me saying “wow. this guy is getting personal over a MOVIE and needs tasered”. i said “hmmmmf”. i never take reviews personal, i take personal attacks personal. youtube has both of my new trailers on it, look up “warriors of the apocalypse 2009” there is a HD trailer available and a non HD trailer available. also look up “wendigo:bound by blood”. if you want to review these i will gladly send them to you. i like constructive criticism that helps me make better films if you do that kind of thing.

    D Vader,
    i fund the films myself. i like when this reviewer said “he had a budget to work with for this”….lol….if you only knew.

    • D.Vader says :

      Oh I didn’t even realize this was an old review till just now.

    • D.Vader says :

      What did you shoot on?

    • Jarv says :

      Len, I thought you had a budget because of the CGI.

      Just out of curiousity, why did you CGI the gunshots?

      • D.Vader says :

        I CGI because its cheaper and safer. Doesn’t create a real “reaction” or recoil, though. But I live with it.

      • Jarv says :

        As may be. But I promise you that it’s a gigantic mistake. Honestly, I’m not suggesting that you go the Friedkin route and fire shotguns on set or anything, but as a rule, it’s terrible.

        If there was one change I’d make to Fist of the Vampire that would hugely improve it- less CGI. I get that the Vampire deaths have to be CGI- fire and whatnot, but some of it is really bad.

      • Continentalop says :

        Yeah, I got an action plug in for my FC and AE for just $200 with muzzle flash, squibs, bullet hits, explosions, etc.

        CG gun flashes suck but they are a necessary evil with low budget. Firearms supervisor alone would put a huge dent in your budget.

      • Jarv says :

        I hear Xi is cheap.

      • D.Vader says :

        Yeah but the amount of money you spend on beer and liquor with the guy around, Oy…

    • Jarv says :

      I did say “of some description”, I knew it was tiny. It’s obvious.

  14. Len Kabasinski says :

    Jarv,

    i dont want you to buy them. i want you to watch them.

  15. LB says :

    Huh-Guy seems like an alright Chap-not a trace of Murphitis.

    Looks like you have a new series, Jarv.

  16. Continentalop says :

    I will say this, compared to Jarv’s other arch-nemesis, I prefer Len over Don Murphy.

  17. Droid says :

    Fuck me! Len went from Raging Murphy to a decent enough bloke in record time. I’m actually interested in seeing what his other two films are like now.

    I can understand him being pissed at you calling him a cunt. I don’t think he understood that you were purposefully being a bit of a cunt yourself.

    • Jarv says :

      Too right. I’m more than up for watching them.

      And I meant that, if they’re good, then I’ll apologise for being rude.

      • LB says :

        Uhh I actually had an epiphany the other day. We really should make the Don Murphy movie:

        Here’s the principal characters:

        Don Murphy.

        Alan Moore.

        Sean Connery.

        Machael Bay.

        Steven Spielberg.

        The location: Sizzler Steakhouse.

        It’s like The Conversation-except at the end Murphles getting destroyed by a demonic Curse from Moore-which will make the whole production unrateable by the MPAA….

      • Droid says :

        I’d pay to see the scene where Frankentino clocks Murphy.

    • Continentalop says :

      Fuck. We’ve got to make that movie.

      “Raging Murphy.”

      We just need an actor who can go from a fat Don Murphy to a morbidly obese Don Murphy.

  18. LB says :

    Also len, I encourage you to follow me @LordBronco on twitter. beyond my own motives for self-aggrandizement-I do actively support Independent fimmakers as much as I am able to with only a computer.

    Cheers, Len.

  19. Jarv says :

    You know, I don’t think I’ve ever done constructive criticism before.

    I’m totally going to do the Len Kabasinski series, and have a go at it.

    • Droid says :

      Yeah, I think you should. Apart from his initial outburst he seemed an okay guy. At least give the others a fair shot.

      • Jarv says :

        I’m a mug for insane titles as well, so that Apocalypse thing sounds right up my alley.

        That was actually a model performance. Murphy (I know you’re reading this chubby) should take notes.

  20. Droid says :

    I’m trying to think who’s fat and obnoxious enough (and alive) to star in “Raging Murphy”.

    Ethan Suplee maybe?

  21. Jarv says :

    Well, that’s annoying.

    Neither have a UK release.

    I shall ask my friend and see if she’s got them.

  22. Droid says :

    Jarv, Mr and Mrs Pillows are in. We going to take them to Primrose Hill?

    • Jarv says :

      I think so, it’s nice, and if they want to go dirty then we can take them to Chalk Farm. Also it’s somewhere they aren’t likely to go.

      Where are they staying?

      • Droid says :

        They’re staying on the south side of the river (right on the river). In between Waterloo and Vauxhall. I know exactly where it is. Actually a 25 minute walk from mine. But there’s fuck all in the way of places to go unless they come down my way. And Primrose Hill might show a better side of London, even with us there, so I’m okay with coming up that way.

      • Jarv says :

        It’s piss easy on the tube from Waterloo. Straight up.

        If they’re south of the river (bad tourist mistake that one) then they aren’t going to come this far north otherwise.

      • Jarv says :

        Yikes!

        Len can find me tomorrow.

        Where’s Xi when I need him!

        😉

  23. Jarv says :

    I’m really looking to these two films now. My friend says she has them.

  24. len k says :

    here (they’re free on youtube.)

    SWAMP ZOMBIES (my first film. it is not horror. it is meant to be campy/funny…it is very poorly made as its our first film.)

    CURSE OF THE WOLF (2nd film. martial arts action with ‘werewolf’ base.) watch for free here:

    WARRIORS OF THE APOCALYPSE (trailer only. being distirbuted by ITN Distribution. not available yet)

    WENDIGO:BOUND BY BLOOD (my 5th film. should be released arounf March 2011)

  25. len k says :

    your friend wont have warriors or wendigo. wendigo just premiered last weekend

  26. len k says :

    as a filmmaker all i try to do is show improvement from film to film to film. my 6th film NINJA:PROPHECY OF DEATH was shot in HD and should be out late next year…

    • Continentalop says :

      Len, you ever thought about shooting on the canon 5D? Just curious.

    • Jarv says :

      You’ve got a way with schlocky titles- I am absolutely compelled to watch Warriors of the Apocalypse and Ninja: Prophecy of Death.

      I note on your imdb background that you were number one ranked for weapons- I imagine that a ninja film is right up your alley.

  27. Jarv says :

    Also, Len, I’ve actually got a serious point for you-

    One of the biggest problems with Fist is the opening scene. The grainy CCTV effect really works to the detriment of the film. I wasn’t joking when I said that it took me several attempts to get past.

    I think you were doing it to set the film up and it served as sort of a prologue, but it actually alienated me from proceedings.

    I have to say, that when the present day events started, I was massively relieved to be past it.

    Oh, and I didn’t know your martial arts resume- very impressive, and I didn’t bother looking up the cast for this- you were Reno? Easily the best bit of the film was Reno taking the fight groupie back after the first fight. That was a classic Vampire kill and worked nicely.

    I’m starting to feel much more kindly towards Fist now.

  28. Jarv says :

    One last thing:

    It’s part of the inherent unfairness of life that Len, who is clearly a nice dude with some good ideas and the gumption to get his sleazy (intentionally) little horror films made for very little cash has to scrabble around, when an utter hack like Boll, who also seems to be a bit of an arse, consistently gets high budgets and A-list casts.

    I would love to see what Len would do with a Boll-sized budget.

    • Droid says :

      Boll gets large budgets because of some sort of German government tax break. He can write an incredibly high portion of his budgets off as a tax write off.

      • Droid says :

        I should say “got large budgets”…

        Until the law was changed in 2005, Boll was able to acquire funding thanks to German tax laws that reward investments in film. The law allowed investors in German-owned films to write off 100% of their investment as a tax deduction; it also allowed them to invest borrowed money and write off any fees associated with the loan. The investor was then only required to pay taxes on the profits made by the movie; if the movie loses money, the investor got a tax writeoff.

      • Jarv says :

        Yeah, I knew that.

        It’s still unfair.

  29. Jarv says :

    I’ll tell you what, his output rate is phenomenal.

  30. Jarv says :

    Oh, and he’s fucking HUGE!

    And in good shape, plus he knows what he’s doing, so if he does want to kick my ass then It’ll be a trip to casualty for me.

    Not like Smurph.

  31. Continentalop says :

    So what is his martial arts bg? Sports wushu? You said weapons so I’m thinking that (I’m not that familiar with Asian martial arts competition).

    • Jarv says :

      No idea-

      From IMDB:

      Len Kabasinski was an avid Martial arts competitor through 1997-2000 and in PKRA ratings in Pennsylvania, was ranked #1 in Weapons forms (men’s advanced division), #2 in light weight sparring (men’s advanced division), and #5 in empty hands forms (men’s advanced division) in the 1997-98 year. Len retired from competition in 2003 to more actively pursue fight choreography work (namely at The Erie Playhouse Theatre where he works with both adults and youth theater productions) and also script writing (Swamp Zombies!!! (2005) (V) and Curse of the Wolf (2006) (V)). He competed in a tournament for the first time in 2 1/2 years in April 2006 and took a couple first places and a couple second places in the competition.

  32. kloipy says :

    Len’s from my homestate! I assure you though I am no MMA fighter. I was worried there for a minute when I saw the first post that this was going to end differently, but seems like we’ve got a good guy here. So, now we have good stuff from Don Mancini and Len
    The Murph, still a taco fart

  33. kloipy says :

    oh and that Warriors movie has side boob in the trailer! call me interested

  34. Len Kabasinski says :

    i now film on the canon HV40. just as nice looking HD as the panasonic HVX (and 2K cheaper).

    yes. i played “reno” in FIST. the woman i kill back at the house in the scene Jarv mentioned is actually the Producer of my films WARRIORS OF THE APOCALYPSE, WENDIGO:BOUND BY BLOOD, and NINJA:PROPHECY OF DEATH. this summer i will be filming my first “non martial arts based” flick entitled SKULL FOREST.

    points taken on the opening Jarv didnt make it past. i understand your views on it. i am NOT defending our choice but here is why we chose that style beginning: we chose it to try to establish a “grindhouse cinema” beginning to the film. we knew we couldnt have the film stocked with cars from that time period…sooooo…we decided to try to have ‘film grade look” from that era instead to try for that “1970’s” look….that was our idea.

    • kloipy says :

      Len, have you filmed in PA? If so, whereabouts?

    • Jarv says :

      Cheers Len.

      I thought that’s what you were aiming at, it was extremely grindhouse looking, and clearly meant to reflect the time.

      Is she your producer? Cool. I’ve noticed (having looked all of them up now) that you tend to use the same cast a lot.

      Have you seen the blurb that Brain Damage wrote on the DVD case (in the UK) for Fist? They try to amp up the exploitation/ schlock factor (MMA Fighter meets PORN STAR!!!!) and I don’t think it does the film any favours. I was certainly expecting something entirely different- much closer to froth like Werewolf in a Women’s Prison.

      It’s a much “harder” film than that, and certainly less glossy and much more authentic looking. It’s not the boob and silly gorefest they make it out to be. The combat in particular, not the one at the beach, the first one with the two women, feels much grittier than anything in the usual shiny schlock that I tend to watch.

      I suspect, actually, in hindsight, that a lot of my bad reaction came from that.

      Fuck it, when I do the rest of them, I may watch it again.

      PS- it’s a much better film than Zombie Wars which I watched recently, and cannot even be bothered to be rude about.

    • Continentalop says :

      I’m not really a fan of the HVX or HV40. Just shot something on the HVX and find it too noisy, especially on the blacks. Of course that might be the look you’re going for, kind of dirty.

      I don’t know if you’ve seen this but here is a camera comparison some guys did (of course, the number one factor is cost):

      http://www.zacuto.com/shootout

  35. Jarv says :

    I’d just like to take this opportunity to thank Len for dropping in and the informative and interesting discussion.

    Murphy should take note.

  36. Len Kabasinski says :

    right on. someone asked where i shoot in PA? i shoot in and around the Erie,PA region (on Lake Erie).

    yeah, i got TONS of bad reviews (and a couple good ones sprinkled in) for my film SWAMP ZOMBIES. it is marketed as a “horror film” but really is meant to be a campy comedy with zombies and fight scenes. Brain Damage did get alot of airtime with the film though but i am SURE people were expecting a gorefest which the film was never meant to be.

    so yea, i know about frustrations about DVD artwork…verbage on the DVD boxes…etc.etc…..but once a film is signed over it’s out of my hands for the most part although sometimes i do have a little say in the images used and “whether or not i like the artwork itself (not the words)”…..i will say take a look at the US cover for FIST OF THE VAMPIRE. i will admit to LOVING the US cover..not so much the UK cover….and SWAMP ZOMBIES has a cool cover as well.

    hopefully you all can check out the trailers to WARRIORS OF THE APOCALYPSE (2009) and WENDIGO:BOUND BY BLOOD. see if you notice anything different perhaps (maybe not)….

    i LOVE the canon HV 40. only thing i dont like is the focus ring (too small for a dude like me) and it’s a very tiny camera. but do you wanns pay 3K for an HVX or do you wanna pay $600. dont know about you guys but i have a 20 month old son,lol….saving money is at a premium now

    • kloipy says :

      Len I live in PA and have family up around the Erie area. Actually my grandparents live about 5-10 minutes from the cemetary in the opening of Night of the Living Dead. Cool to meet a filmmaker from this state.

    • Jarv says :

      Len.

      I used to work in the music industry, and have written more of that stuff than I care to think about. Most of the time without listening to the album, and I wonder if that’s what happened.

      Don’t know if you’re up for this, but I’m going to watch all of the films you’ve made that I can get this weekend, and after I’d like to send you some legitimate interview style questions, and I mean legit questions not me being a dick and without the schtick.

      I’ve never done an interview before, and I’d like a stab at it. You’d be doing me a huge favour.

      Many thanks.

      Jarv

  37. LB says :

    Ha-I’m watching the youtube ones right now…I’ll comment more on the individual reviews as Jarv finishes them.

    One immediate positive: no CGI blood in wendigo-practical blood ftw!

    • Jarv says :

      Seriously, Len For the Win.

      If he promises not to panel me, I would love to interview him.

      Mostly because I’d love to ask about his theatre work more than anything else. That is something incredible to do, and I’ve got friends struggling in the theatre.

      Also, While I was extremely rude about this film, there are good things about it- as I’ve said the abusive nihilism is a schtick.

      Len for the win.

    • LB says :

      Ha-I’m still waiting to see if I get Steve Jobs dialing me up to kick my ass.

      Because my abusive nihilism is no schtick-ha ha.

      Jobs, I’ll beat the hell out of you-don’t think I won’t!

      • Jarv says :

        Difference is, Bronco, that Len could fuck me up badly.

        I could take Jobs

      • Jarv says :

        The other thing,

        I’ve written a lot of abusive shit, mostly for laughs, and having talked to Len I feel bad.

        I’m totally watching the rest, and it’s going to be a series. I needed one, having just finished Cronenberg.

      • Continentalop says :

        Jarv, you could take Len…

        You could take him to a movie, out for a drink, take him dancing…

      • Jarv says :

        Dancing wouldn’t work. There’s nothing like a smack in the head to throw you off your rhythm

      • Continentalop says :

        By the way Jarv, you sound a little like Charlie Brooker from the Guardian, apologizing for being abusive.

      • Jarv says :

        High praise indeed.

        Actually, it depends.

        I’ll never, ever, ever, apologise for being rude to the guy that mad Demon Cop.

  38. Jarv says :

    The thing is, I was extremely fucking rude in this.

    And almost everything I write is measured.

    However, I like to think that I’ve got a few different “voices” and this reads hugely differently to, say, the Crash review.

    By the same score, I’ve never once written anything remotely constructive, and I’d rather do all of Len’s films from start to finish and this is a fucking gilt-edged opportunity for criticism to actually be useful rather than the cyber-wanking that it usually is.

    PS- If, I’m talking out of my ass here, please tell me.

    P.P.S. Fist of the Vampire is much better and much less insulting than THE DESCENT 2.

  39. Len Kabasinski says :

    im up to answer any questions you want to give me. fire them off to killerwolffilms@hotmail.com….i wont be around my computer much this weekend as i am traveling with my son to a football game and doing stuff for Halloween (he is being Yoda, me Luke Skywalker)….you can ask whatever questions you see fit and ill answer them as best i can.

    yes, WENDIGO:BOUND BY BLOOD has about 6 digital FX in the whole movie.

    WARRIORS OF THE APOCALYPSE (2009) is a “digital fest” though. it was meant to be “comic book-ish”….

    • Jarv says :

      Cool.

      Thanks very much Len. I’ll watch the rest that I can and then send you an email. Lovefilm are sending me Swamp Zombies soon.

      Have a great Halloween

  40. Tom_Bando says :

    Hmmmmm-LATE to da party again. Oh well. This was interesting. Len makes his films w/in shouting distance of scenic (and lovely) Corry PA. Interesting! Have a good friend who lived there for a time.

    Also-Mr Kabasinski here is light years better than Murphy. Murphy’s just a Hollywood Doosh, at lest the Manassas Mauler here is trying to make a film career work on his own time and $. Murphy’s just home skiing on coke and McNuggets, ya know?

    At least there was one bennie to that whole Bolle/Boxing fiasco-we got to see Minor Jeff from AICN get whacked. That was worth the price of admission, right there–

  41. Len Kabasinski says :

    Yes. Corry,PA is like 40 mins from Erie,PA where i do alot of filming.

    yes. i fund my pictures myself with the help of whatever producers i assemble for each project. producers i mainly use to help acquire locations and do initial pre-production and production leg work.

    No. i am definetly not ‘hollywood’. first and foremost i’m a dad 1st, everything else 2nd. i love making films, riding choppers (i have a 2009 Star Raider), weight lifting and practicing martial arts BUT those are all a distant 2nd to my 21 month old son Kane, who had to stay in a hospital in NICU for the first 2 months of his life fighting for his life. movies can be made anywhere at anytime pretty much…you can live whereveer you wish and still accomplish your dreams/goals.

    • kloipy says :

      Len, I totally understand that man. My 2 year old was in the NICU when she was born because she stopped breathing a couple of times. She’s my whole life

  42. Len Kabasinski says :

    kloipy, yea. i know that feeling. he’s good now though. i live to hopefully make him proud of me.

    my 6th film NINJA:PROPHECY OF DEATH should have a teaser trailer posted to youtube shortly. this is the first film i did completely in HD. I have pretty much retired my DVX.

    • Jarv says :

      Len-

      What do you think about your Swamp Zombies film being included in with a few other low budget films in the Zombie Chronicles in the UK. It’s being promoted as a “low budget Gorefest”, whereas you described it as being more comedy than anything else.

      Lovefilm have, to be fair, made it sound like good fun. I knew I’d seen the title before.

  43. Len Kabasinski says :

    they have to market it that way. do i wish they’d market SWAMP ZOMBIES more like what troma does (camp,comedy/horror mix)??? yes. i wish it was marketed that way. it is not “gory” at all really save for maybe a coupel shots but that’s about it. lots of nudity and martial arts and tongue-in-cheek humor (or we attempt it anyways)…..

    in terms of it getting out there….i dont care how it does. exposure is exposure and i know as a director and producer we have went on to do much “bigger looking projects”….

    • Jarv says :

      I totally understand,

      I once had to write the marketing blurb for some god-awful Bay Area hip hop (it was horrid, and I had to listen to it all which may have scarred me). I knew I was misrepresenting it to sell it to a certain market, and always felt slightly guilty about this. I just wondered if it made any difference to you.

      The other reason was that I’ve not seen any of the films in the “Chronicles” so was wondering if you were concerned that it was bundled into a package like that. For what it’s worth, The Chronicles have been on long wait at Lovefilm for a while now.

    • koutchboom says :

      Len I’ve always wonder how easy/hard is it to make a living off of doing mainly low budget stuff like you do? I mean do you still have a day job are have you gotten big enough to do movies full time? Also its always boggled my mind about where the hell to get money from for low budget films, its the whole wheeling and dealing business side of film making no one really talks about.

  44. Len Kabasinski says :

    most indie filmmakers i know have day jobs. for my films, if i make my budget back after say 5 years of a distro deal im happy. CURSE OF THE WOLF and FIST OF THE VAMPIRE have come close to making their initial budgets back at this point….i dont try to get money from investors, i fund my pictures myself with the help of usually 1 or 2 producers who chip in as well. i usually sign each film i do to 5 year deals, after 5 years if i can make in the low 5 figures im pretty happy with that….

  45. Len Kabasinski says :

    if anyone is interested the new DVD just released MIDNIGHT HORROR ‘BLOOD PREDATORS’ features 2 of my films (FIST OF THE VAMPIRE and CURSE OF THE WOLF). it retails at Walmart for like $5 and is also available for around that price at Amazon.com….

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