CONTINENTALOP vs XIPHOS in the BATTLE ROYALE of MOVIE FIGHT SCENES Round 1

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Back around the end of last year, ContinetalOp and I had a several part discussion about fighting in general and movie fight scenes in particular and that’s when the idea for this two part post was born. After many a long month and a myriad of problems (mine that is), this long simmering post of earth shaking proportions has finally gotten off the ground. The ContinentalOp versus Xiphos in the Battle Royale of Movie Fight Scenes. Who will chose the best fight scene? Well, me of course because ContinetalOp picked some fruity ones. Anyway, get a med kit ready for when you read and watch these 20 fight scenes because some of them are so brutal and ass kicking you will bruise like an old banana watching them. Today we will see the bottom five from each list. Call your cut man, you’ll need him.

*****

ContinentalOp: Well you can talk the talk, Xi, but can you walk the walk? I don’t think so. Let’s rumble.”

*****

Conti’s #10. Emperor of the North Pole (A No. 1 vs. Shack)

Little known or seen, this film was helmed by legendary action director Robert Aldrich (The Longest Yard, Attack!, The Dirty Dozen) and in this scene we see two old pros of tough guy cinema, Lee Marvin (A No. 1) and Ernest Borgnine (Shack) going at it. But this isn’t a nice pretty fight; this thing is mean, ugly and downright bloody.

Unfortunately I couldn’t find this clip online, but take my word, if you haven’t seen it, it’s great.

*****

Xiphos’ #10. Tie: Grosse Point Blank (1997) and The Karate Kid (1984)

Okay, yeah, I’m cheating here by picking two and I’m not apologizing for it. They both have strong resumes that demand they land on the list. The fight in Grosse Point I’m picking is the one between Felix La PuBelle and Martin Q. Blank in the hallway of the high school. Damn was that a well choreographed scene. And why shouldn’t it be? La PuBelle was played by Benny “The Jet” Urquidez, a man who won 8 kick boxing titles in five weight classes with a record of 63 wins, 0 losses and 2 draws with 54 knockouts over a 24 year period and never lost a belt.

The Karate Kid, of course I’m talking about the climatic battle between Larusso and Johnny Lawrence at the karate match. Crane style, when done properly, no can defend and Johnny learned that the hard way. Sweep the leg Johnny! Ah William Zabka. You owned the 80’s as the slimy rich kid bully character, didn’t you? Yet you couldn’t defend the Crane style, could you?

*****

*****

Conti’s #9. The Protector (Kham vs. Every stunt man available in Thailand)

Some people prefer Old Boy as the best single take Asian fight scene ever made, but not me. The Protector gets that title for me, and it gets the number nine spot on my list as well. Tony Jaa (who stars as Kham), master of  Muay Boran, the more ancient self-defense version of Muay Thai (Thai Boxing), runs up a flight of stairs, taking on thug after thug in one continuous shot. I’ve heard some compare this to a first person shooter game; I look at it as what would have happened if Martin Scorsese decided to have Henry go to the Copacabana not for a date but instead to kick the crap out of every wiseguy there.

*****

Xiphos’ # 9. Two Days in the Valley (1996): (Charlize Theron vs. Teri Hatcher)

Who says two broads, that put together probably would not break 200 pounds, can’t fight? Not me. Not after watching Theron and Hatcher beat the living hell out of each other and a hotel room in Two Days in the Valley. Daaaaaamnnnnnnnn, these chicks were serious! Punches, kicks, vases over heads, bodies thrown across tables. This fight was hard and sexy!

*****

*****

Conti’s #8. Hard Times (Chaney vs. Street)

Forget Snatch, this is the best bare-knuckle boxing movie ever, bar none. Watch Bronson and legendary stuntman Nick Dimitri do the best Rough and Tumble fight on film, as their two combatants go at it like a couple of samurai. For them it isn’t about the money or winning, it is about honor. Walter Hill eschews using any music for this scene, letting it play out with only ambient sound and giving it a sense of realism lacking in most modern movies.

*****

Xiphos’ #8. Out for Justice (1991): (The Pony Tail vs.The Mooks in the bar)

You have to go back to Seagal’s early works to realize at one point Seagal knew what the hell he was doing with the Karates. The Pony Tail asks the eternal question, “Have you seen Ritchie?” and then beats the hell out of every jackass in the bar. Along the way Seagal shows his mastery of Aikido, Eskrima, Karate and the most fearsome art of all, The Handkerchief and Cue Ball. Now I’m not dissing the Pony Tail’s DTV work here but you have to go back to Seagal’s early flicks to see when he was genuinely interesting for good reasons.

*****

*****

Conti’s #7. The Matrix (Neo vs. Morpheus)

I’m not a fan of most Kung Fu movies, especially the ones that really depend so much on wires, which strangely enough is is why I am a fan of this scene from The Matrix. Because here at least they come up with a rational for all this jumping and flying around: they are just simulations in a computer. The rules of physics have been thrown out and everything is possible.

Also, I have to admit this scene is the ultimate fanboy fantasy – the ability to be a great fighter just by hitting a button and downloading a file. Who didn’t bristle with excitement and envy when that great thespian Keanu Reeves looked up at Laurence Fishburne and said, “I know Kung Fu.”

*****

Xiphos’ #7. Transporter 1 (2002): (Frank the Driver vs.Red shirts)

I love the Transporter series. Great, over the top mayhem that doesn’t just bend the laws of physics but gleefully blows them up with high yield nuclear weapons. It also throws the laws of fighting right out the window in a fun manner. Frank gets trapped by the bad guy’s henchmen in a bus repair depot and proceeds to kick their asses up around their ears using his shirt, motor oil, bad guys themselves, bike pedals and anything handy. Frank is unstoppable.

*****

*****

Conti’s #6. Raging Bull (Jake LaMotta v “Sugar” Ray Robinson)

Another great boxing scene, but what separates Scorsese’s Raging Bull from all the other boxing movies, and fight scenes in general, is that he isn’t so much interested in what the boxers are technically doing but what is going on inside their minds. This scene might be the closest to how it feels to be a boxer inside the ring and how they perceive a fight, and that is an amazing accomplishment.

*****

Xiphos’ #6. Happy Gilmore (1996): (Adam Sandler vs. Bob Barker)

Who hasn’t wanted to beat the hell out of Adam Sandler? Well Bob Barker got the chance and he delivered on the dream we collectively share. The price is wrong BITCH! Indeed it was Bob, for Happy Gilmore and you brought the pain old man, oh you most certainly did. You beat Sandler like how I bet you wanted to beat those Price is Right models that sued you.

*****

To be continued….

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About Xiphos0311

Sporadic genius but mostly IDGAF.

101 responses to “CONTINENTALOP vs XIPHOS in the BATTLE ROYALE of MOVIE FIGHT SCENES Round 1”

  1. Jarv says :

    Happy Gilmore? Granted, punching Sandler does have appeal, but…

    They Live had better make an appearance.

    • xiphos0311 says :

      Gilmore made the list because Sandler get’s beaten like a rented mule by a 175 year old vagitarian.

      Actually it’s hold over from when this was going to much more of funny post before it became serious. Still a 175 year old vagitarian sex freak kicking Sandler ass? C’mon that’s priceless.

      • Jarv says :

        It is funny, but everyone’s got personal choices on these kind of lists.

      • tombando says :

        I’d toss in the Duke vs. Victor McLaglen in ‘The Quiet Man’ or the Housecat vs. a Spider in ‘8 Legged Freaks’. That was a riot.

  2. ThereWolf says :

    I expect They Live to be Number 1…

  3. Jarv says :

    I’m trying to think of one’s that I would expect to see- They Live, Eastern Promises for 2.

    It won’t appear, but I’d have had Zen on the rooftop in Chocolate, and Paul Newman in the prison yard in Cool Hand Luke.

    I wouldn’t have had The Matrix either, which I’ve gone off even more since reading Neuromancer.

    • Continentalop says :

      I’m actually not a fan of the movie the Matrix, but I will say the fight scene is incredible just because it is such nerdboy fantasy.
      It is the iTunes of fighting. Learn by downloading.

  4. Jarv says :

    And I would ban those white trash tat’s on the small of the back.

  5. xiphos0311 says :

    What’s this “They Live” everybody seems to go on about?…

  6. xiphos0311 says :

    Tip of the cap Barfy for all the fine technical work of putting together this post and editing. Thank you.

  7. Jarv says :

    Has anyone got footage of Tarantino beating Murphy?

  8. Droid says :

    I either haven’t seen or don’t remember (like 2 days in the valley) half of these.

    And I haven’t seen They Live, so can’t comment there.

    But I’d put in Rocky, Indy vs that massive bald nazi, Luke vs Vader in Return (unless its just fist fights), and of course, McClane vs the jump jet.

    • Jarv says :

      Arnie v Terminatrix, Arnie v Camel, Arnie v 3 guys in Total Recall.

      Lots of them out there.

      • xiphos0311 says :

        Strictly speaking Arnie vs camel really isn’t a fight. Now if the Camel had kicked back well then that’s whole other story.

  9. DocPazuzu says :

    Cyril Rafaelli vs an entire casino in District 13.

  10. kloipy says :

    Love this post Conti! Looking forward to Xi’s picks as well.
    I totally agree about ‘The Protector’ over Oldboy. As much as I love Oldboy, I don’t find that scene to be very thrilling. It’s not bad, but I don’t think it’s great either.

  11. DocPazuzu says :

    Also, say what you want about the film itself, but Jet Li vs the entire criminal population of Paris in Kiss of the Dragon is GOLD.

  12. DocPazuzu says :

    Roy Scheider vs creepy assassin in Marathon Man — that’s a good one.

  13. DocPazuzu says :

    More Frenchy stuff: Mark Dacascos and Samuel LeBihan wading through hordes of 18th century cultists in Brotherhood of the Wolf was pretty cool, too.

  14. tombando says :

    I have always liked this one. Ladders rule.

  15. DocPazuzu says :

    Jet Li vs cops

  16. Continentalop says :

    You know doing this list made me realize what I want to see in a movie – Knights using martial arts.

    Everyone assumes that only Asia had hand-to-hand, unarmed combat fighting. But really martial arts have been around in Europe forever (Pankration for example) and even the Knights knew how to fight. Shit, they used stuff a lot like Jiu-Jitsu, Kampfringen, where you would throw down your heavily armored opponent and then pull open his visor and stab his eyes.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kampfringen

    After that I want to make a movie about Purring and call it Shin-Kicker:

    http://www.orangecountymartialarts.info/2007/11/purring.html

  17. just pillow talk says :

    Jaa in Ong Bak 2….final fight vs. every known dude with a weapon plus fighting on and around an elephant.

  18. just pillow talk says :

    Jet Li vs ‘expert’ dude dressed in white from Danny Dog.

  19. koutchboom says :

    I betting on Hitgirl being number one. Lord knows Conti loves a good child fight.

  20. Jarv says :

    I’m betting on Bitch Slap being top 2 and shall be severely disappointed if it isn’t.

  21. Stuntcock Mike says :

    Conti, your my friend and all but I’ve got to go with Xiphos for a few.

    Out For Justice

    Grosse Pointe Blank

    Abso-motherfuckin’-lutley.

  22. Stuntcock Mike says :

    Mel Gibson vs. Danny Glover in Lethal Weapon is in my top something or another as well.

    “Whaddaya say Jack, would you like a shot at the title?”

  23. koutchboom says :

    As much as I like Tom Yum Goong I prefer the Cyril Raffaelli vs everyone fight in District 13: Ultimatum where he is in drag. Yeah I know it’s not one take or anything I just like it better. Probably cause there aren’t enough good fights with dudes in drag.

  24. Droid says :

    Ripley vs the Alien queen would be on my list.

    Another consideration would be Bud White beating the shit out of Exley.

  25. Jarv says :

    Ray Winston v Borstal in Scum: “WHO’S THE DADDY”

    RObert Carlyle v Public House in Trainspotting: “Wait Cunts, this lassie’s been glassed and nae fucker’s leavin’ here till we find out whae did it”

  26. Stuntcock Mike says :

    Jarv, that Trainspotting bit cracks me up to this day.

    “WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?”

    “RYAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!”

  27. Cobra--Kai says :

    Fighting does not exist in this dojo.

    Greetings my Changian brothers…

    If I know Conti they’ll be at least a bit of Bond in his best fights list… prob Robert Shaw vs Sean Connery in FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE.

    I’d personally go for the no-name MI5 agent vs the milk-man assassin in LIVING DAYLIGHTS. But that’s just me. I happen to like milk.

    He might have been a no-name MI5 agent but he gave bloody good account of himself in that fight. Poor fucker didn’t deserve to go out like a punk with his face on the hot grill.

  28. Cobra--Kai says :

    Thanks Jarv.

    And on the subject of Arnie’s best fights I have a soft spot for Arnie vs random henchman in toilet from TRUE LIES.

    In fact any fight where a ‘nobody’ character lasts more than a couple of punches has extra appeal for me. It’s like cheering on the underdog. “Who’s this guy – fuck knows but he’s giving it a go”. Indy vs Big Bald German is another classic example.

  29. just pillow talk says :

    “London Bridge if falling down, falling down.. aaarrrgg!”

    “My fair lady!”

    Arnie vs. Predator.

    Donnie Yen vs. Sammo Hung in Kill Zone.

  30. just pillow talk says :

    I would say the Chin vs. the monsters at the bottom of the pit.

  31. Stuntcock Mike says :

    Brandon Lee vs. Al Leong in Rapid Fire.

  32. Droid says :

    Orgazmo vs Jizzmaster Zero and Maxxx Orbison

  33. xiphos0311 says :

    Throwdini vs Throwgali on News Radio.

  34. just pillow talk says :

    Bill Murray vs. Gopher

  35. koutchboom says :

    I’m just curious about all the hidden ***** in the article? What are those for? Is it like a format thing?

  36. tombando says :

    Bronson vs. Archie Moore in Breakheart Pass is good.

  37. just pillow talk says :

    WTF? Where’d my Jack Burton vs. Lo Pan post go???

    Damn you Lo Pan!

  38. Chipps says :

    karate kid. watching that again, he didn’t even get him. there was a couple of missed contact in gpb as well (but yeah that was a well choreographed scene.

  39. Chipps says :

    Alright you Primitive Screwheads, listen up! (sorry i’ve been watching supernatural and I really dug it. when does dean watch all this tv?)
    If you wanna see fight scenes, check out once were warriors. brutal.

  40. Chipps says :

    The Protector – that was freaken awesome.

    Chicks fighting, always cool. So far I’m with conti though.
    Hard times – great fight
    Segal – good fight, still prefer Bronson.

    I do love the matrix, but I’m going with stratham on this one. Thinking back to my first bout of fourth floor boxing in the dorms though, it would be awesome to fight without having to do all that breathing…..
    As for stratham though, can you go past the end of the bank job? I think not.

    Finally – I’m pretty split on the last one. I’ve always loved that particular fight in raging bull. ‘you never go me down ray’ but happy Gilmore has always been a favourite movie of mine for the sheer mayhem. I’ve never really played golf but after watching it we went off and played happy stlye once. I shit you not, I figured I was safe standing at right angles, but this guy hit the some kooky way and go me fair in the temple off the tee off. Fortunately my head is more skull than brains. As a child dad owned a milk run.

  41. Chipps says :

    Some suggestions –
    Final fight jake vs buddy, once were warriors.
    raiders – market place scene
    The scene in spr where the jewish guy croaks it.
    Is rocky going to get a look in? Adrian!
    As for boxing scenes – cool hand luke? – on the waterfront?
    Novelty fights – the dwarfs in brave heart

  42. Chipps says :

    been thinking about it, and while i prefer conti’s choices, i prefer xi’s attitude. he is mostly picking scrapy, no holds barr, vases on the head fights. i like that attitude.

  43. xiphos0311 says :

    Hold on aren’t you commonly inebriated?

  44. Chipps says :

    QUEENSLANDER!!!!!!!!!!!

  45. Chipps says :

    we are currently in the middle of sports greatest competition, and the other team didn’t show up. fuck them. i wanted them to show up. i hope the next half is bitter. as for distinguishing australians, there is only one crietia that matters. order ashore at gallipoli.

  46. Chipps says :

    we won. it was disappointing. i’ll never give them an inch. but they didn’t even let us hurt them. piss weak cunts.

  47. Hawaiian Organ Donor says :

    I know the movie was universally hated but the fight scene between the T-Rex and Spinosaur from JP3 was pretty badass.

  48. Abominable Snowcone says :

    There should be at least one Jackie Chan picture here, like the main fight scene from Drunken Master 2 when him and his sensei beat the shit out of like, 300 men

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