Kloipy’s Stephen King Series: Dreamcatcher

Dreamcatcher? More like Nightmarepitcher! You see what I did there, took the name and… oh fuck it. I started this series off saying that I would not go easy on the bad ones and instead of writing up Stand By Me I decided I’ll make good with my promise with this festering Don Murphy (turd). Dreamcatcher is a movie that has no fucking idea what it wants to be. Is it a coming of age tale? An alien horror? A study of accents? Or, an account of the digestive problems of old women? I don’t know and this movie sure as fuck doesn’t either. This movie jumps around more than a season of Quantum Leap. And what we are left with is an exercise in failure.

"To the ceiling, for refusing to back down to the wall, that arrogant prick."

While I did enjoy parts of the book it was nowhere near one of my favorites, but what good the book had is completely wiped off the face of the earth in this flick. The movie starts off giving us a group of 4 friends. Jonsey, Henry, Pete, and Beaver. You read that right, Beaver. Gee thanks for naming me after vagina, mom and dad.  and their magic retard, Duddits. Duddits has telepathic powers and is able to shoot dreamcatchers out of his head just like every other retarded person can, which is a known fact, look it up.  So far so good.  These 4 pals end up on a hunting trip that will ‘buck’ up their lives forever. Pun fully intended. These scenes in the movie actually gave me hope that this movie could be decent. The movie is actually quite beautiful, the setting of the snow shrouded cabin. The shots of the animals running through the forest. All pretty foreboding. But then comes Farts Mcgee to ruin the day.

Farts is a fat dude they find outside. He’s sick and covered in some kind of red moss. But his biggest problem is of the intestinal variety. The movie has this fat guy in skin tight footie pajamas and he’s constantly farting and the movie plays this dead serious. I remember sitting in the theater and the 3 other people in the room were cracking up laughing while I am slumping down in my seat, the dawning realization is that the next hour and a half of my life aren’t ever coming back. So Farts gets to the toilet and we are witness to the birth of the ‘Shit Weasel”. I only wish I made that name up but that’s what they call it in the movie. This thing looks like a slug mixed with vagina dentata. It kills The Beav and then a giant grey alien appears to Jonesy and then explodes into a cloud of red dust. Exactly what I was expecting to happen.

Imagine this showing up on your colonoscopy

The alien “Mr. Grey” takes over Jonsey’s body and this causes him to speak with an English Accent because aliens that burst out of your asshole are the most sophisticated of the space traveling community. Meanwhile one of the shit weasels kills Pete for no reason other to dwindle down the story and we are left with Tony Blair: Asshole Invader to serve us as our main story. Over on the other side of the movie, we get Henry being put into a quarantine situation, by the evil Morgan Freeman. Yep Morgan “March of the Penguins” Freeman is the main villian of this movie, Col. Kurtz (yeah because this movie is so much like Apocolypse Now). Also Tom Sizemore took time off from drugs and domestic violence to add nothing to this film. I think that Kurtz is supposedly a Col. who has dealt with aliens before under the Govt. So his major plan of action is to send jet fighters to shoot the aliens, just like any red-blooded, blue collar american can and should do. Provoke the aliens that live in your ass, good job Red, White, and Blue.

Henry escapes from the camp and goes to find Duddits (who is now afflicted by cancer but stays strong due to his love of Scooby Doo). And together they are off on an adventure to find Mr. Grey. They end up at a water treatment plant where the aliens have plotted to lay their eggs in the plant thus spreading their race of rim job loving Pussy-Mouths unto an unexpecting populace. Somehow Kurtz tracks them down and tries to kill them. Not the aliens mind you, but the people trying to save the fucking planet. Mr Grey then shows his true form which is a bigger version of the Shit Weasel. All looks like it is lost until Duddits yells “I Duddits!” and for no good reason except to let down the audience, turns into an alien himself. He covers himself and Mr. Grey in web of failure and they implode. What the hell is the point of having him turn out to be an alien? Isn’t supernatural retard enough for this movie? It was for the book because Duddits just died from cancer instead of  turning into an alien. I think the movie just wanted to show us that yet again Donnie Walburg can lose weight to have a less than staring role in a motion picture. But oh what’s this? One alien egg survived and is getting ever so close to the open water hatch! What the fuck is going to happen?!?!?! Jonsey steps on it and then the credits roll over a shot of all the friends together. Even the dead ones.

Showing us his career, Donnie points to a toilet

This movie gave me a headache. There was no way this should have ever been made into a movie. It works so much better on the page than it does trying to create atmosphere in a cloud of flatulance. And it just doesn’t make any goddamn sense. There are aliens, I mean a bryus spore that is also buttblasting weasel that can turn into a grey alien, lay eggs, and sound like Hugh Grant. Also retarded people are actually aliens that are able to get cancer but rise to the occasion when needed to find your keys or kill themselves with a net of skin goo. Although I’ve been harsh this movie is funny as hell just in how bad it’s all executed. But instead of watching this do yourself a favor and just drink a bottle of hot sauce, eat 3 day old chinese, and buy the cheapest brand of toilet paper you can find. It’ll recreate the experience for you. Until next time, Keep Watching the Special Olympics!

"Oh Jesus Heidi Pratt, your face makes me want to puke up my fecal matter!"

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About kloipy

a poor deluded sap hoping to find his place in this mixed up crazy world

122 responses to “Kloipy’s Stephen King Series: Dreamcatcher”

  1. Jarv says :

    This film is shit, because the book is shit. The whole thing is, as you rightly say, a gigantic web of failure.

    Have you noticed how many horror films have a magic retard? I think they’re an essential get out of jail free card for hack writers

    • kloipy says :

      I worked with mentally disabled people, and if shitting on yourself is magic, I guess they are all a bit of Doug Henning

  2. DocPazuzu says :

    Shit (weasels) on a stick. The only cool bit was the scene of utter carnage when Freeman’s troops attack the aliens with gunships, but even then Freeman’s weird eyebrows prove too distracting.

    I used to love King but ever since Insomnia I’ve more or less hated everything he’s written (although I did like From a Buick 8, which everyone else hated). It’s all magic retards and weird light beams of love and shit at the climaxes. And he seems hell bent on tying every fucking story to his Territories/Dark Tower-“verse”.

  3. ThereWolf says :

    I can’t believe you did the whole review without mentioning Freeman’s eyebrows.

    I liked the fat farting bloke. He was funny.

    And Freeman’s eyebrows, they were funny too.

    Doesn’t Jason Lee have amazingly long fingers.

  4. DocPazuzu says :

    Oh, and I would just like to say how much I loathed Black House. A intellectual biker gang of of genius beer brewers? FUCK OFF!

    • Jarv says :

      I’ve got Black House somewhere or other. Damned if I can remember it.

      I seem to remember there being half a good book there- and the end with the cop smacking the kid around because he’s wearing (the kid) a magic hat that’s impeding his telepathic powers that they need to smash a magic machine that could end the world. Or some such.

      I also seem to remember some magic black goo killing a fat intellectual biker ironically called mouse, but it’s OK because he can hold his shit together long enough to explain what the fuck is going on because his giant biker brain has worked it out.

      No, now I think about it, that was not a good book.

  5. DocPazuzu says :

    M-O-O-N, that spells “magic retard”.

    • Jarv says :

      And fuck the Dark Tower. I stopped reading it half way through Song of Susannah when it became apparent that I was reading absolute horseshit. I’d suspected this for a lot of Wolves of the Calla, but it was confirmed painfully.

  6. ThereWolf says :

    I liked Black House but thought Dark Tower disappeared up its own arsehole.

    • kloipy says :

      Wolf, I never read Black House but I love The Talisman. I’m also a huge DT fan and I actually enjoyed the story even if it did go bonkers towards the end. 1-4 are all genius though

      • ThereWolf says :

        Well, doesn’t look like it’s got a lot of fans here!

        Meself, I thought it a cracking read. Until the end and the unnecessary business about – ‘you can stop reading here if you like and this can be the end, or you can carry on – but you’re not going to like it if you do…’

        Just end the damn book and knock off the bollocks.

      • kloipy says :

        I actually really like the ending to the Dark Tower series. It makes sense in the philosphy of the story. I know King is writing more and the next one is called The Wind through the Keyhole

      • ThereWolf says :

        You’re joking! He’s doing more? You’ve just stunned me into silence…

        The Dark Tower ends, I’ve no argument about how he wants it to finish; it’s his story. Believe it or not, it did cross my mind halfway through ‘Susannah’ that King might end it like that.

        My problem was with the ‘finger wagging’ exercise before the finale. If he hadn’t done that I’d have accepted his ending without question. I’d have been disappointed but, like I say, it’s his tale.

  7. Jarv says :

    Nice tag, by the way Kloipy.

    I think we can all agree that Smurphette is indeed an asshole.

  8. xiphos0311 says :

    Proud to say I’ve never seen it.

  9. Continentalop says :

    I’m glad this movie was made. Not because it is good or any shit – I’ve never seen it and I don’t want to – but because it provided inspiration for one of the funniest and most entertaining reviews ever. I could read this review again and again (and I have already).

    Kudos Kloipy.

  10. Continentalop says :

    You know, I could give a shit about King now. The guy’s early stuff was fucking awesome, but back then he had a kind of logic to his stuff. Nowadays everything exist in his warped King Universe and involves the fucking Crimson King, the Dark Tower, Breakers, ect. It’s a fucking mythology I care nothing about. It’s like reading stuff that even Clive Barker rejected from Imajica or The Great and Secret Show for making no sense.

  11. xiphos0311 says :

    King did have a great run in the 70’s and 80’s, you have to give him that. I think he started to go off the rails with The Tommy Knockers when he brought the Clown from IT and something else from another book as scary cameos. That started the decline.

    King created one of the perennially creepy images ever. That scene from Salem’s Lot when the kid vampire was hovering outside his friends window trying to get him to open it. It gives me the willies just thinking about it.

    • Jarv says :

      Don’t read Wolves of the Calla then, as Salem’s Lot gets a massive anal violation in it.

      • Continentalop says :

        Oh I won’t. I heard that he went back and shitted on some of his earlier stuff in the Dark Towers. I guess he felt he had to compete with George “Vader is problem child” Lucas.

        I’m waiting for Stan Lee to come out with a new comic book series that says the Peter Parker was molested by his Uncle Ben. Might as well fuck up all the things I liked as a child.

      • xiphos0311 says :

        The only Dark Tower book I read was the first one and it didn’t do much for me maybe I was too young at the time to get it.

        What did King do to Salem’s Lot and more importantly how did he Polanski it?

      • Jarv says :

        Dark Tower 2,3 and the first half of 4 are all worth reading.

        5 is where it goes seriously wrong. He brings the priest from Salem’s Lot into the novel and has him relate an interminable story about vampire hunting that goes on for about 500 pages (and is all written in Look-see dialect that King became obsessed with in those books: “Thankee-sai” FUCK OFF. Honestly, it makes the I see you nonsense in Avatar look well written) that gives the Vampire some link to the Dark Tower ethos and sucks something chronic. It also turns the characters from Lot into drippy little whores.

        Not good. Not good at all.

    • Continentalop says :

      Oh yes, his 70’s and 80’s stuff is the bomb. Some people say he started to decline after he got hit by that car – I say it was when he got sober and off drugs. Back then he really was tapping into something dark and scary.

      ‘Salem’s Lot is my all time favorite King novel and probably my favorite horror novel of all time. And I think the scariest thing about ‘Salem’s Lot isn’t even that book but the short story sequel, One For The Road. Great short story.

      • xiphos0311 says :

        Never read One For The Road. I’ll have to check it out.

      • kloipy says :

        seriously if you haven’t read it yet, check out The Long Walk. One of his all time best novellas in The Bachman Books

  12. DocPazuzu says :

    King has become the Steven Spielberg of horror fiction.

  13. Jarv says :

    I don’t know what went wrong with King. It’s like something snapped in his brain and he had to try to tie everything he’d ever written into the Dark Tower. There’s multiverses and all sorts of shit in it so he can explain stuff like the Tommyknockers who were just aliens as I remember.

    • Continentalop says :

      I think he made an incredibly smart, calculated business decision, but artistically dreadful. The guy did what Marvel comics did – made a comic book universe requiring you to buy all the damn comic book titles just so you can stay up to date on what is going on. That is what his book series are now – a comic book mythology to suck in a cater to the diehards so they keep buying more and more books because they have invested so much into his “universe.”

      • Jarv says :

        *groan*

        The thing is, though, the die-hard king fans would have bought them all anyway. No need.

      • Continentalop says :

        Yeah, some would have, but he has practically created a “religion.” And a religion means you follow something without question. I mean, the King Universe has it’s own language that King diehards are required to know: dim, the Turtle, Breakers, Crimson King, Ka-Tet, The Beams, Can-toi, ect. It is like Klingon for Horror Nerds.

        I miss the days when all a Stephen King fan had to know was the Shop and Castle Rock.

  14. DocPazuzu says :

    Pet Sematary scared the living SHIT out of me when I read it as a teenager. ‘Salem’s Lot is pure genius. Christine — also awesome, not to mention his mostly brilliant short stories. King is responsible for some of the most jolting and amazing reading experiences I’ve ever had, but he’s completely lost it now.

  15. Lb says :

    I sense anger, young anakin…

    • Lb says :

      Duma Key was actually very recent as well as very good. The very end petered off as I recall, but the journey was classic king, but new.
      4 after midnight wasn’t bad at all, but weak relative to older short story collection.
      Under the dome 3 out of 5 Changs. Brilliant beginning surprisingly strong end, but an interminable and self indulgent middle section.

      • kloipy says :

        Bronco, I haven’t read Duma Key yet, I didn’t like Cell and only liked parts of Lisey’s story. But I’ve really enjoyed Dome

  16. just pillow talk says :

    I agree with Conti, that was a fucking funny review Kloipy.

    I’ve never seen this, but this review makes me want to see it for the sheer stupidity of it all.

  17. kloipy says :

    Hey guys, thanks for all the comments I will respond a lot more once the Kloipette decides to take a nap.

  18. ThereWolf says :

    He turned himself into ‘The Writer’ in Dark Tower, which of course he is. But I didn’t need that in the novel – comes off like M. Night casting himself in Lady In the Watter as ‘The Writer Who Makes The World A Lovely Place To Live’.

    Also didn’t like King using his ‘author’s note’ to wag his finger at us readers like we’re all naughty children – think he did it in Black House and definitely in the last Dark Tower. Fell out with him after that, haven’t read anything of his since.

    • Jarv says :

      The constant reader stuff?

      Yeah, that stopped me spending any more cash on another book of his. The prick.

      • ThereWolf says :

        He started lambasting us for ‘demanding an ending’ – can’t recall the exact words he used. Then he was going ‘well, here’s how it ends then, whether you like it or not…’

        I’m sorry, but fuck you, Steve.

      • Jarv says :

        It was a crushingly arrogant way to end a series that had been over 20 years in the writing.

        Imagine if LOTR finished with Tolkien stopping writing and saying “fuck you nerds, I appreciate the effort in learning elvish and the other freakish shit you do, but this is how I want my fucking novel to end: Frodo and Sam are abandoning the quest and moving to Canal St. Manchester, whereupon they will use gollum’s ring as a wedding ring, before sam thoroughly ruins frodo’s on the wedding night”.

        Oh wait, shit, that’s what Jackson did with the film.

      • Droid says :

        Speaking of LOTR. When the fuck is this book going to end? They destroyed the ring 80 fucking pages ago. They’re back in the fucking shire battling men who’ve taken over and it’s all turned out to be the work of Saruman. And it’s still fucking going. These sixteen thousand endings are even worse than the film.

      • kloipy says :

        See I don’t mind the ‘Constant Reader’ stuff. I like that touch and it’s not like it’s a new thing before. I like his forewards it kind of sets the tone with the ‘storyteller’ mode. I think in his personal life, King is a down to earth guy. Just read his On Writing book, it gives a good sense of who he is

      • Jarv says :

        You’re nearly there. Don’t bother with the appendices.

      • ThereWolf says :

        Kloipy, some of the ‘constant reader’ stuff is fine. But in Dark Tower he started badgering his readers.

        He couldn’t think of an ending, got pissed off at himself, then decided to load the blame onto us. Not cool.

    • Droid says :

      What was he saying during this wagging session?

      • Jarv says :

        Basically, as I understand it, he stops the story to say to the reader:

        “oh Constant Reader, thank you for making it this far, but this is my book, and my ending, which I know is substandard shite and that you’re not going to like it, but seeing as you have already spent money on the book there’s nothing you can do about it anyway, so don’t bother fucking moaning and do kindly fuck off”

        A bit prettier than that, but that’s the gist of it.

      • ThereWolf says :

        Yeh, that’s about it.

      • Droid says :

        Sounds to me like he didn’t believe in his ending, couldn’t be fucked thinking of a decent one, and jammed in a disclaimer to offset the anticipated backlash.

        Weak and pathetic.

        Plus, his endings often have a tendency to suck balls anyway, so it’s to be expected.

      • Jarv says :

        That’s exactly what happened. Except with added condescension.

  19. Droid says :

    “To the ceiling, for refusing to back down to the wall, that arrogant prick.”

    Funny.

    I’ve seen this but don’t remember anything from it. At all. But this review makes it sound like genius. What did I miss?

    Good stuff, Kloipy.

  20. koutchboom says :

    Whatever its got Timmy O so its a good movie.

  21. koutchboom says :

    Also its from the author of Empire, so it gets a pass.

    “SOMEONES GOTTA FUCKING DIE!”

  22. koutchboom says :

    This movie is too fucking funny to hate. You know how people love those shit films like Troll 2 and The Room. Well I can’t watch those just because they are so awful and lame.

    This is my SO BAD ITS GOOD movie. I’m sorry its just so fucking awesome and ridiculous with a great cast to hate. Also its all filmed very well. Who cares if the story is dumb as shit, I think thats half the fun.

    • Jarv says :

      Do NOT be badmouthing Troll 2.

      This is on a different standard to Troll 2- because it had a budget, proper actors shit like that. Therefore, as crap as Troll 2 is (and it is crap, even if it is also hilarious), proper hollywood stuff like this is infinitely worse

      • koutchboom says :

        I mean the whole fact that this movie got green light and was made and technically the movie isn’t bad. The special effects are decent and it looks nice. To me I need a nice production value to enjoy a silly movie. OR a much more interesting story then Troll 2. Like Troll 2 is funny for 5 minutes then it just gets boring. We get it they are bad actors.

        I’m just saying I’d much prefer something that is just balls out goofy as shit rather then just complete incompetence. Plus to me it feels like Troll 2 the makers/actors were trying to be serious. I think with this they knew they were making a shit weasel.

      • Droid says :

        Jarv did you see that the kid out of Troll 2 did a docu on it?

        Called Best worst movie or something like that.

      • koutchboom says :

        Yeah I saw the trailer for that, I wanna see that.

      • Droid says :

        Hopefully it will become available. I’m still waiting for that Jaws one to get released on dvd.

      • Jarv says :

        Nah not seen it. Should do really.

    • ThereWolf says :

      Boom, I concur with “too fucking funny to hate”. Dreamcatcher is awesomely silly.

  23. koutchboom says :

    Also all you guys who are all upset about King right now I think Under The Dome may change your mind. NO magic retard and no connection to the Dark Tower. Though a little too much of a rehash of the Simpsons movie.

    • kloipy says :

      I am about 100 pages from the end of Under the Dome Koutch and I am loving it

      • koutchboom says :

        Seriously since we are talking about him in the Rec Room.

        John Goodman for Big Jim, if The Beard ever makes that miniseries.

        Also I have an actor in mind for Barbie, this guy:

        http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0226813/

        and for Junior, Jesse from Breaking Bad

        But seriously if Goodman isn’t Big Jim, then there is no way I’ll enjoy the mini series.

      • koutchboom says :

        Was there constant reader stuff in Under The Dome?

      • kloipy says :

        Goodman would work well as Rennie. And now that you’ve mentioned him, I can’t really picture anyone else in that role.
        Not sure who I would pick for Barbie.

      • kloipy says :

        I don’t remember any constant reader stuff in it, but he does do his interludes kind of guiding you on the setting which I admit that I enjoy

      • Jarv says :

        I didn’t mind it in BH. But fucking object to being told what I can and can’t like.

  24. M. Blitz says :

    Kloipy, I am laughing my ass off at that review. Ain’t had the proper coffee ration yet for managing much more than HAHAHAHA, but I am sort of hoping that you hate movies more often, it is very entertaining.

    • kloipy says :

      thanks Blitz, I can tell you that I do hate a good portion out there. Just keep an eye out 🙂

      • Continentalop says :

        Maybe I should of had you watch Thundercrack! and Last House on Dead End Street.

        You ever see Anthropophagus?

      • kloipy says :

        Conti- I’ve seen Last House and Anthropophagus. Never had heard of Thundercrack! until reading Jarv’s review.

      • Continentalop says :

        Damn it, I should have had you seen it then. Because now I know you’ll never see it after reading Jarv’s review.

        You suggested some POS for me to watch. Was it Human Centipede or Singapore Sling or something else?

      • kloipy says :

        Conti, I can’t remember what I told you to watch. I know it wasn’t Singapore. Could have been Centipede. But I’ve seen alot worse than those 2 as well

      • kloipy says :

        for fucked up I guess I would say Neckromantic 1 or 2 but I’m sure you’ve seen them

      • Continentalop says :

        Actually I have NOT seen Nekromantic. I had a chance to watch it with some friends once and a little voice told me “Don’t.”

        Are they that bad?

      • kloipy says :

        well I will say that they aren’t very pleasant. Not as bad as Men Behind the Sun but still pretty shocking

      • Jarv says :

        I’ve just looked that up. Fuck me, man, you watch some horrible shit.

        I reckon conti should give August Underground a shot.

      • DocPazuzu says :

        I remember back in the pre-internet, heady days of VHS when Nekromantik 1 & 2 were rather hard to procure, which led to a lot of wanky philosophical praising articles and essays dealing with Jörg Buttgereit and his movies by the few who actually did see them. It took DVD and the intertubes for enough people to see them and realize for themselves “Hey, this is shit.”

      • Jarv says :

        Never even heard of them.

      • Jarv says :

        Just read about it. Sounds like the worst sort of farty horror movie.

        Utter rubbish.

      • kloipy says :

        oh by no means do I say these are good movies. They are in fact as Jarv said ‘utter rubish’. Oh and FUCK August Underground. Never saw anything from them but read the description and that was more than enough to turn my stomach. What’s even worse is that those movies actually have fans or sshould i say, sick fucks

      • Jarv says :

        Fucking repellent shit. I would have suggested the Guinea Pig films, but I bet you he’s seen that.

      • kloipy says :

        Yeah Jarv, that’s another series of movies that just begs to ask why? The newest movie that Fatso at Gingertown has trumpeted as being ‘brilliant’ is something called “A Serbian Film” which ends with something I won’t repeat here but lets just say that it is truly revolting

      • Jarv says :

        I give up with that fucking place. I know what the end of that is, and quite why it’s brilliant is lost on me. I’d expect an explanation from fatty, but I’ll probably just get some wittering nonsense about chocolate covered pussy juice and dead raped deer.

      • Continentalop says :

        Isn’t August Underground a trilogy?

      • Jarv says :

        Apparently so. Quite why you’d want to watch 3 of them, though, is a mystery.

  25. Tom_Bando says :

    Being from Maine (originally) it’s prob. odd that I never have read King’s stuff-but it’s just not for me. Tried w/ both It and the Stand, but tossed’em soon. Some of his movies are fine, so–I get the attraction, just not into it.

    • kloipy says :

      but Tom, there is a Giant Robot in book 3 of the Dark Tower series…

    • Tom_Bando says :

      There is??? I will have to Google books it then.

      I DO have a relative that went to college w/ King, knew the man, was in drama club etc at Univ of Maine at Orono–so–it’s not like there’s no connection here.

      King was pretty dark and screwed up in college, but loaded w/ potential, so my uncle told us. Seems to have been born out, ya know?

  26. Jarv says :

    FAt fucking clown:

    Imagine a film written by Paul Schrader at the height of his seventies super powers directed with the handsome presentation of a David Fincher. Now imagine that their subject matter is the very scary world of avant garde illegal former Soviet block Porn production.

    • Jarv says :

      heh. Wins to Bando:

      The sequel to this of course is called ‘A Portuguese Movie’ and involves our very own Trekkie from Almada humpin’ his harem of Goats. You know he dresses them in Red Shirts too-

    • Continentalop says :

      That sounds like absolute shit. And who writes “handsome presentation”? To me that just sounds like “glossy, stylized crap.”

      • Jarv says :

        I cannot imagine Schrader, writer of taxi driver and Blue Collar penning something where a new born baby gets raped to death.

      • koutchboom says :

        I can imagine him THINKING it, but not trying to put it in a movie. Maybe have someone talking about it in a movie like.

        “Hey you hear about that fucking psycho that raped a baby?” then cue montage of Travis killing every mother fucker around that person in Taxi Driver 2: Die Harder Operation Serbia.

      • Continentalop says :

        new born baby gets raped to death.

        Fuck me, that is just shocking for the sake of shocking. “Hey, what taboo can we break next?”

        And yeah, I can’t imagine Paul Schrader writing that because he wrote Taxi Driver, Hardcore and directed Auto Focus, which all dealt with the real possibilities of perversion and pornography, not some hyped up urban legend based fantasy.

      • Jarv says :

        What’s really loathsome, though, is that the 2 scumbags that made it, who have, by the way, as much experience of what it was really like in the Balkan conflict as I do, then were interviewed saying shit like “The baby represents the innocence of Serbia” and trying to make out that it was really an art film.

        Not one reason to see that shit.

      • Continentalop says :

        Actually, I can see him putting it in a movie, just not in the context of a porn shoot or seeing it on screen. Like you said, have him hear about it, like a guy talking about the worse thing he has heard on the news lately. But have it in the film, why the fuck would you want to show that?

      • Jarv says :

        I can see it being mentioned, but not being written as being filmed. It’s a key difference.

  27. Continentalop says :

    “The baby represents the innocence of Serbia”

    That must be the most pretentious fucking quote ever. That is like 20 times worse than if Quentin Tarantino said “Marsallus Wallace represented black masculinity, and the two hillbillies sodomizing him represent how the Southern white man has always exploited the black man.”

    • Jarv says :

      I’ve paraphrased it, but I’m not far off. That’s the gist. Twats.

      OK, so if the baby represents serbia, what does the woman who has her fucking teeth knocked out and then is face fucked until she chokes to death on her own blood; or what about the skullfucking?

      • Continentalop says :

        Have you seen this film? Or is this just shit you’ve heard?

      • koutchboom says :

        OK if thats the baby??? Then what is the man doing the rapping???

        I haven’t seen it, but I will take one for the team when the time comes and lets be honest here. I’m not as appalled by this as you guys are. I’ve actually seen like a six minute clip online and pretty much shows the whole movie. I think the scene is actually a clip of it being shown to the main character.

      • Jarv says :

        Shit I’ve heard.

        There is no way on the fucking planet that that garbage will ever infect my eyes. It’s bad enough knowing about it.

      • Jarv says :

        That’s the justification of it- and I’d be careful Koutch, this is close to the wind with a lot of paedo laws.

        the idea is that the main character is watching it on TV, but instead of being behind the TV and focusing on his reaction you can see the whole film. Kind of like what they did in Henry, but not really.

      • kloipy says :

        it is just vile and disgusting. I’m not for censorship or anything but seriously what is the fucking point to this? I hate justification of how it is a metaphore for something when clearly it is only there to shock or disgust. That isn’t art, it’s the lowest of the low.

  28. Tom_Bando says :

    Harold deserves whatever four letter words you can shovel onto his cheetoes encrusted head for gushing about this movie.

    I am disgusted that someone would make it, and disgusted that Harold would think it’s worthy of seeing/pushing/pimping on his site.

    I worked for a couple years w/ someone who was from Sarajevo and lived thru all the horrors of that war. You don’t remotely equate a vile POS cinematic turd like this w/ Srebnicia or Sarajevo.

    Fuck Harold.

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