Surrogates lands with a soft thud!

Surrogates Movie Poster

Whats starts off as an interesting premise and a nice set up quickly becomes just a loud noisy bore.

Director Jonathan Mostow directs this recent Bruce Willis flop with all the finesse of a sledge hammer. While its a decent disposable movie, just seems sort of wasteful of those involved. While I have not read the comic that this movie is based on, I’ve flipped through it and it is more of an artsy sort of looking piece where as the movie has all the gusto, vibrate colors and noise as a rainbow on steroids. But like all rainbow it fades fast and becomes only a faint memory.

The movie really loses all steam about half way and you have pretty much figured out the little murder mystery set up. While it is nice to see a movie that takes place in a land unlike our own thats not just one man versus giant corporation you would think they could have come up with a more interesting murder story.

Bruce Willis Surrogates

Bruce Willis seems to have no trouble using his surrogate

The movie really does start off with a bang, we are told about this new invention called Surrogates© which are in no way like Avatars (because they are not blue!). So people live their lives almost existentially through their own usually lookalike Surrogate. The movie then puts us right in the middle of some rich kid going clubbing and you see just how odd and awkward these pretty surrogates look, also that they can do almost super human things. The club kid then starts hooking up with a lady in a brightly lit back alley when he ends up getting his brain blown up. Surrogates are suppose to allow the user to not feel pain so when when we find out who this kid is not only is he dead but he does not look like his Surrogate (and that girl wasn’t what she seemed either).

From then on we find out that the kid is the son of father and creator of the Surrogates©, and it quickly spirals into a typical detective movie. After the first massive chase scene where we find out just how indestructible these surrogates can be, there is little left to the movie.

arnold schwarzenegger the sixth day

Arnold on the other hand seems to be having a bit more trouble

Jonathan Mostow who seems like he has done a ton of stuff really only has three movies under his belt (Breakdown, U-571 and T3). All three of those movies are a lot of fun and Breakdown is a very effective thriller as well Though Breakdown reeks of Duel and U-571 smells like a Das Boot. T3 looks like his best work and Surrogates is like Blade Runner and T3 has a baby with more predominant T3 features. While none of his movies have been the bain of creativity they have at least been extremely fun. This feature is lacking a lot of that fun, probably because of the stale story line and we never feel fully emerged in this not to distant future. Maybe its because its not that far away? But you think TV may have changed before everyone started running around in robot form, also when you have a movies like Daybreakers that cost 1/4 to make that feel more expansive and realistic to the nature of the movie you feel a bit cheated.

The one good thing though is that it has a fuck you ending in the same vein as T3 and Escape from LA. Also its nice to see that Ethan Hawk’s look alike is still getting work, but there just isn’t enough here to recommend this movie. I wanted the movie to be darker all around, go for the R rating (something Willis seems incapable of these days). It if happens to come on cable and your bored or your just a big Bruce fan like myself then check it out, otherwise that movie you have in your head after seeing the trailer is cooler then the one you get.

I was hoping to see some behind the scenes stuff because the film is masterfully made technically speaking but unfortunately Walt Disney Studios Home Entertainment didn’t put anything on the rental except the music video and a commentary from Mostow. I turned that on but was asleep before he even finished introducing himself.

So check out this music video from the theme song from Surrogates, I don’t think I’ve ever heard a theme song for a movie that was so fitting and a good representation of the movie in it’s total mediocrity.

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About koutchboom


53 responses to “Surrogates lands with a soft thud!”

  1. herrmilflover says :

    I havent seen the movie, but I didnt expect it to suck as badly as Breaking Benjamin.

  2. Jarv says :


    U571 IS ASS. T3 is also ASS, Breakdown is mint.

    • Tom_Bando says :

      U571 is okay. Bill Paxton and Bon Jovi in a Sub. C’mon who doesn’t like that-?? it’s certainly 100% bullshit as far’s history goes certainly Jarv.

      T3 I liked too. But it is what it is. It wasn’t needed, certainly.

      Breakdown-as in Kurt Russell and a personal film fave J.T Walsh?? that is a good movie.

  3. Droid says :

    Yeah, I was pretty bored by this flick.

  4. Droid says :

    Breakdown is a fucking brilliant flick. A smidge unecessarily brutal at the end when the wife drops the truck on JT but thats a minor quibble.

    U571 is meh. Some of T3 was great but as a whole it’s unsatisfying.

  5. koutchboom says :

    I’ve always heard that people didn’t like U-571, maybe you saw it at home? Man I was blow away when I saw that in the theater, the sound design on those depth charges was outstanding.

    T3 was a lot of fun, I mean if you look at hollywoods track record….it should’ve been awful. But it fit in the Terminator universe and worked and had good action pieces, so I felt it was a success. Easily one of the better franchise reboots/unnecessary sequel.

    • Jarv says :

      That’s not saying much.

    • Droid says :

      With a Terminator flick, “Not as bad as it could’ve been” shouldn’t really be acceptable.

      • koutchboom says :

        I mean come on, compare it to Salvation? I’m saying that you all thought T3 was going to turn out a lot worse then it did. I think it fits in fine with 1 and 2. It had the huge task of following T2, which is seen as one of the greatest action films of all times, and it didn’t blow it. Thats pretty good in my book. Maybe I just liked the movie better then you guys.

      • Droid says :

        The thing about Salvation is that it came after 6 years of acceptance of mediocrity, from T3 to the TV show.

        T3 came after 12 years (or so) of expectation and hope for another awesome Terminator flick.

        So when T3 turned out just so-so it was much more disappointing because of those expectations.

      • koutchboom says :

        Salvation really has nothing to do with the TV show I thought. I could be wrong. I mean yes they came out around similar times but I didn’t think the production of one had anything to do with the other?

      • Droid says :

        Not really my point. It’s that T3 and tv show were so average, our expectations were lowered immeasurably. So when Salvation came out most of us (I think Frankie loathed it) didn’t really get too annoyed that it was only average.

        If it came out instead of T3 then we probably would’ve had our very own Judgement Day.

      • Jarv says :

        Wolf detested it.

        I still haven’t seen it for some reason.

      • Droid says :

        Okay, maybe it was him then.

        It’s not bad. I found it enjoyable. You just have to detach yourself from the reality that it’s got any connection to the first two.

  6. Jarv says :

    T2 isn’t that good. The robodaddy shit in it is absolute gash.

    The action is great though.

    • koutchboom says :

      Yeah but ask any fucking moron on the street (over the age of 20 preferably) what is the greatest action movie of all time, I bet over 50% will say T2.

    • Droid says :

      T2 is awesome. Don’t try to sound like an AICN cocknozzle, Jarv.

    • koutchboom says :

      Ok I’m confused first you hate T3, now its not that bad. Either way you still don’t agree with what I said about it?

      In the end admit it, T3 is a pretty good flick, I mean come on Arnold running around carrying a casket full of guns! Whats not to like?

      And that’s what I was trying to say that Mostow has a pretty good track record of fun over the top movies and this one just fell flat. I wonder how much of the PG-13 held him back.

      • Jarv says :

        T3 is mediocre. I don’t rate it highly at all. The painful “comedy” with Arnold kills it, and that stupid rebooting shit towards the end.

        I still hate U-571, though.

        So far, Mostow has made U-571 (shit), T3 (meh to shit), and this (which you say is shit, and Droid has completely forgotten). That’s not a good track record- PWS Anderson level.

      • koutchboom says :

        Ok why do people hate U-571? What was shit about it? I haven’t seen it since the theater but I thought it was a cool sub movie.

      • Jarv says :

        Lots of things- Complete bastardisation of History to begin with.

        It’s a film I detest.

      • Droid says :

        Jon Bon Jovi.

      • koutchboom says :

        Yeah but Jon Bon bits the big one fairly early in the movie.

      • Droid says :

        Not early enough.

      • Droid says :

        I don’t really have any problem with the bastardization thing. But I can understand the Brits getting in a stink over it. 99% of historical films bastardize history. But I can’t really think of any off the top of my head that does it so blatantly and unapologetically as U571.

      • Jarv says :

        Ain’t that fucking true.

      • Jarv says :

        For both the Jovi and the obnoxiousness of the bastardisation.

      • koutchboom says :

        OK obviously I wasn’t paying any attention during U-571 but what History did they fuck with (I think Inglorious Bastards wins for most bastardization of history).

      • Droid says :

        IB didn’t base itself on a true story then go and change the nationality of the heroes.

      • Jarv says :

        I can’t be arsed to go into it, but they basically completely rewrote the capture of the Enigma machine for no good reason. IB is at least set in a sort of paralell universe, U pretends to be real.

        It’s so pointless as well, they could have found any other fucking reason to be on the sub.


      • koutchboom says :

        Thats right the fucking Enigma machine thats what the movie was about.

        Speaking of which, anyone seen the movie Enigma? Thats also about it.

      • Droid says :

        Didn’t another, more accurate flick about the enigma machine come out around the same time? It may very well have been called Enigma!

      • Jarv says :

        Yes. And it’s very boring.

        Enigma is about breaking the code rather than capturing the machine.

  7. koutchboom says :

    I much prefer T3 to salvation. Biggest problem with Salvation is that it isn’t better then the trailer.

    Also the fact that its just highlight reel of the greatest action scenes of the past 15 or so years….reenacted. It even stole an action segment from T3.

    • Jarv says :


      How lame.

      • koutchboom says :

        Yeah that scene with a crane truck being chased by two unmaned motor cycles….its in there. Also the flight chase scene from Independence Day they got that. If I could remember Transformers I’m pretty sure they stole something from the first one as well.

      • Droid says :

        There were unmanned motorcycles in T3? It’s been a while but I don’t remember that.

      • koutchboom says :

        You don’t remember that? The two police motor cycles going after the giant crane truck. Arnie calculates the nearest sewer and then drops the crane hook down it causing the truck to flip. I remember at the time thinking it was the coolest fucking thing I had ever seen.

      • Droid says :

        Also, a growling Christian Bale in desperate need of a pack of prozac flavoured soothers.

      • Jarv says :

        They’re cars in T3

      • Droid says :

        I haven’t seen T3 since the cinema. All this talk is making me contemplate an epic quadrilogy session.

      • Jarv says :

        Come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve seen the trailer for Salvation.

        I was so pissed off with the tagline: “The end begins” that I avoided it.

        How can it be the beginning of the fucking end, you colossal cockends? The film is called SALVATION.


      • koutchboom says :

        Ok I was wrong, two un maned police cars. Whatever it was a similar thing, crane truck being chase by unmaned things.

      • Droid says :

        It is a collossal clusterfuck of mass marketing strategies. You can see the screenplay by committee being cobbled together, then tacking on Jonathan Nolans name to try to get the Batman cred.

        But if its taken with a grain of salt then you can have some fun with it.

      • koutchboom says :

        Are you talking about T4? Jonathan Nolan had nothing to do with.

      • Droid says :

        The first full screenplay for the film was written by Terminator 3 writers John Brancato and Michael Ferris, who received full screenplay credit. Paul Haggis rewrote Brancato and Ferris’s script. and Shawn Ryan made another revision three weeks before filming. Jonathan Nolan also wrote on set, which led to McG characterizing his work on the script as the most important.

        This is from Wiki, but McG mentioned Nolan at every opportunity in interviews etc

      • koutchboom says :

        Ok yeah I kind of remember that now. Oh well, his name isn’t on IMDB.

  8. Tom_Bando says :

    J T Walsh was everything you’d want to have in a character actor or baddie, be it in Breakdown or Dark Skies or the Negotiator or Good Morning Vietnam or as Erlichman in Nixon.
    He died too young-he was all of 54 in ’98. One of the best.

    You know he’s the sorta actor that idiots like Harold never, EVER mention or reference. Not Cokey-friendly enough, I guess….

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