Jarv goes to the EU and comes back with a searing hatred of red tape, rampant xenophobia but also the 10 best European movies of the decade

As part of my moronic round the world in films quest, I’m moving on to the continent, and I’m genuinly surprised by this list. Not because any of the films are left field, but because several of them make my overall best of the decade. Also, looking at the European films, I know that I’m forgetting loads, and haven’t seen some, but I was stunned to see that 5 of my potential 10 were British.

Not that I’m patriotic or anything, because I’m not, but this forces me to do a British “best of” as I was going to do a “rest of the world (outside of America) ” list for the third part of this. I haven’t decided.This list, I do own up is very, very heavy with Western European Cinema, notably France, Germany and Spain.

Anyhoo- you know I’m not averse to editing this list, so if I have made any glaring omissions please let me know.

All these lists are live action, so therefore I’ve had to exclude some belting films (Spirited Away fell off the Asian one), but given that this is a strong contender for my full stop best of the decade, I’m doing it first.

Very Honourable Mention:

Persepolis (2008- France)

Fuck the Oscars. Again.

This is typical of the prime stupidity of the Academy, their innate snobbishness and their outright pigheaded choices. How in the name of all that is good and holy did fucking Ratatouille beat this? Is it because the Pixar film was technically brilliant? because that’s bullshit, any animated film that makes it this far has to be.

Personally, I think that it was because this is actual animation for adults rather than aimed at families. No, it isn’t porn, but it is however, a great story charting the narrator’s life that never once drops into boredom (and for me to say that about the troubles of an Iranian woman is really surprising). Unfairly robbed and grossly overlooked Persepolis is a touching story of a troubled time and I bet you that in 10 years time Pixar’s effort will be forgotten, but this will still be talked about.

10 ) Brotherhood of The Wolf (2001 France)

Yes, alright, I know this is a moronic, plot hole ridden, ridiculous film. However, I just don’t fucking care. For a long time, this was on regular spin at Casa del Jarv, and to be honest, I never got bored of it. Who could possibly get bored of Mark Dacascos as a martial arts American Indian? Not to mention the completely unhinged performance by Vincent Cassel (been a big fan of his since La Haine- even if he did marginally blot his copybook with Ocean’s 12), Monica Bellucci as a Vatican spy/ hooker, a giant beast of some description and the fucking bonesword (one of the most gloriously stupid things ever to grace the screen).

I love this film so much and in such a deluded fashion that I even stand up for Gans’ Silent Hill. In fact, I’m going to watch it again when I get home tonight.

9 ) Talk to her (2002 Spain)

The first of 2 Almodovar films to make this list. Mrs. Jarv loves Almodovar. She even likes Live Flesh.

As a rule, I don’t like Almodovar films. Really. I mean, I admire his dedication to making attractive women gratuitously shed clothes, but really I kind of think he’s just a pervert. I mean, I sat through Matador, Tie me Up Tie Me Down and All About My Mother with varying degrees of confusion, boredom, nausea and, in the case of Matador, outright disgust but these films were all pre-2000. He seems to be getting better- and he still hasn’t abandoned his artistic integrity by allowing Penelope Cruz to keep her clothes on.

Anyhow, back to the point. This film is arguably the Spanish filth merchant’s finest hour. It shouldn’t be, because it’s basically about 2 weirdos bonding over a vegetable garden (I know that’s offensive, but I don’t care), but it is. It’s poignant, well acted and surprisingly good.

One of only 2 Almodovar films I actually like, but they’re both simply superb.

8 ) Baader-Meinhof Complex (2008 Germany)

Fuck me. What a film.

Given that the Red Army Faction are now a mostly embarrasing footnote in Germany’s history and almost completely forgotten now, this is a strange story to decide to make. However, it’s one that I think needs to be told- and I don’t mean the rise and fall of the RAF. Personally, I’ve got a sneaking suspicion that Germany sweeps it under the carpet because there’s no doubt that Meinhoff et al were inhumanely treated when in custody, and it is kind of embarrasing that all of them killed themselves while in gaol.

This is, essentially, the tragic story of Ulrike Meinhof, a foolishly idealistic journalist, that falls in with the sociopathic Andreas Baader, his fanatical girlfriend Gudren Ensslin and rises to become one of the leaders of their idiotic revolutionary cell.

To be honest, Terrorists need to have proper goals. Seriously, “overthrow capitalism by robbing banks” is fucking nebulous, hypocritical and generally piss poor.

A strong story with some superb performances (notably Martina Gedeck as Meinhof and the spookily accurate looking Johanna Wokalek as Ensslin) there’s some superb comedy, good action and a tear-jerking tragic ending. Not to mention fucking loads of casual nudity.

If this is so good, why isn’t it higher? Well, because it’s fucking preachy. On several occasions this cuts away to the German security forces discussing the RAF and they always spout annoying crap about understanding the terrorists. This annoys me intensely. It’s a ham fisted attempt to be topical and typically left wing hand wringing crap. Let me give you a clue, writer dudes, you can’t reason with fanatics- especially fanatics with a nebulous and indefinable goal.

This is a superb film, and if it had cut that garbage, it could have been top 3.

7) Bad Education (2004 Spain)

This is Almodovar back on more familiar territory- sexual identity, snide digs at catholicism, abuse and melodramatic tawdriness. However, this is my favourite of his films.

Bad Education skillfully weaves a difficult fractured narrative and is underpinned by a frankly magnificent performance from Gael Garcia Bernal as Angel. This is Almodovar at his finest and if everything he made was like this, then I could probably not wince every time Mrs. Jarv mentions him.

Unfortunately he isn’t able to keep it up, so I’ve got a lifetime of watching Telemundo level drivel about heroin addled drag queens in a forlorn search for the priest that molested them/ mother that abandoned them/ redemption/ giant cock/ dead body nonsense (Starring Antonio Banderas as a sexually confused lunatic with a prostheic limb fetish) to look forward to.

Still, at least there will be some nudity in it.

6) Rec (2007 Spain)

This is my list, and if I want a small zombie movie to rank higher than the Critical Juggernaut Almodovar then I can have it. So there.

However, in all seriousness, this is a fucking good film. It’s exciting, scary and the first time I jumped in absolutely ages. The monster at the end is well designed, but the real reason it makes the list at this level is this:

This is the only film ever made that has a rational reason for continuing to film in the face of disaster. Blair Witch Project didn’t have it, Romero drew attention to the camera so many times in Diary of the Dead that I grew to despise every character, and Cloverfield didn’t have any reason for it at all, but here although they do have to hold it up, it’s for a reason- it’s the only way they can see.

If you must insist upon using this device, and I really would rather that they did not, then this is how you do it. Watching her fumble around in the dark on the camera’s night vision is a frightening experience.

Watch this one not the Hollywood remake which smells faintly of wee.

5) Downfall (2004- Germany)

The story of Hitler’s final days is not, I thought, one that particularly needed to be told. Sure, he’d gone completely loopy and was holed up in his bunker contemplating suicide as the Allied troops closed in.

However, having said that, there’s one reason to watch this film- Bruno Ganz, who gives the most mesmerising performance as The Fuhrer and I personally would nominate this as performance of the decade- in any language. It’s that fucking good.

The critic’s quotes on the cover of DVD’s are usually bullshit but this one is spot on- this is a masterful achievement.

4) Pan’s Labrynth (Spain 2006)

Practically nothing more needs to be said about this film- apart from one thing that I will note- I found the “real world” sections far more interesting than the fantasy of it. A great film.

And although it was Mexico’s entry into the Oscar’s this is a Spanish fucking film- I know it was a 3 way production (including the US) and the director is Mexican, but it’s set in Spain, has a Spanish cast and deals with a very specific bit of Spanish history. So it’s Spanish.

3) Banlieue 13 (2004 France)

Huzzah! Crazy Parisiens bounce off buildings and kick some ass!

I only saw this for the first time a few months ago, and I have to say, it was great. A kinetic blend of crazy stunts and brutal action, I loved this film so much that I’ve bought it.

Cyril Raffaelli’s as slippery as an eel and seems to have no respect for the laws of gravity.

It’s a clever action movie married to an all too plausible dystopian future and well worth a couple of hours of anyone’s time. To say I loved it is an understatement. I may watch the sequel later. Hope it’s as good.

2) Let The Right One In (2009-Sweden)

A fucking depressing film, this one.

Alright, so it’s a thinly veiled metaphor for paedo grooming, and yes, so much of it is frankly a bit icky, but there’s no denying it’s power. Just for Christ’s sake watch it in a happy mood.

It’s not the most frightening film ever made, but the central performances of the children and the tragedy that’s unfolding in front of you is undeniably gripping from start to finish. It’s an all round sterling effort and one of the most heart-rending films of the last 10 years. It’s relentlessly bleak and completely soul destroying.

How dare Hollywood remake it. How fucking dare they.

1) The Lives of Others (2006 Germany)

Having been rude about Hollywood earlier, I’m going to have to say that sometimes they do indeed get it right. This is a case in point.

When I first heard that this film from nowhere had beaten Pan’s for the Oscar I was stunned. However, once I saw it, there was no question about it. This heartbreaking film absolutely clobbers Del Toro’s effort.

Featuring another superb performance from Gedeck (even better than her BMC turn), this is a depressing yet ultimately uplifting film, and another one that made Mrs. Jarv cry. If I can recommend one film from this list, then this one is it- and it’s another that features in my definitive film of the decade.

Unmissable.

And now- the film that can frankly stay in Europe and a plague on everyone involved:

Dishonourable Mention

Amelie (2001- France)

Just fuck off you nauseating saccharine bitch.

Right, see you next time for Britain and the Commonwealth (re- Australia).

Ciao

Jarv

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About Jarv

Workshy cynic, given to posting reams of nonsense on the internet and watching films that have inexplicably got a piss poor reputation.

163 responses to “Jarv goes to the EU and comes back with a searing hatred of red tape, rampant xenophobia but also the 10 best European movies of the decade”

  1. Droid says :

    Unsurprisingly I’ve only seen 4 of those. I’m not a fan of Almadovar but I’ll have to check out the rest. I’ve had Rec for ages but haven’t watched it.

    I agree about Pans. The real life stuff was FAR more interesting than the fantasy.

    And I haven’t seen Persepolis, but I love Ratatouille you heartless cretin!

  2. Jarv says :

    Fuck Ratatouille.

    Ordinarily, a little bit of me dies when Mrs. Jarv comes home with an Almodovar effort, but these 2 are both good.

  3. Jarv says :

    Which for have you seen?

    Pan’s, Others, LTROI and B13?

    Ignorant peasant.

  4. Droid says :

    If thats the case then I would agree. For example, you’d call Valkerie an american film wouldn’t you?

    LTROI is mint. See it. 2nd best flick of last year.

  5. Jarv says :

    It was financed 3 ways.

    I can remove it, that’s not a problem- put something like La Vie En Rose in at 10- and I could probably do with the numbers for the Latin America and Africa one, but IMDB has Spain listed as the first country, and it’s got Spanish film board in the credits.

    I may use it in both.

  6. Jarv says :

    Right. Consensus-

    Every cunt vote- what list does Pan’s go on:

    Europe or Latin America?

    • Droid says :

      If what Frankie says is true, I’d have to say Latin America.

      • Jarv says :

        It is and it isn’t- Director and Writer both equal Del Toro, cast, location etc Spanish. Funded by 3 different countries.

    • Tom_Bando says :

      I need to see Pan’s and Persepolis. Some of the rest here don’t interest. Never saw Ratatooey either, just watching Drew’s collective spooging over same–well you KNEW it was time to avoid.

      • Jarv says :

        Fuck Ratatouille. Seriously.

        I was totally underwhelmed by it.

      • Droid says :

        I found Ratatouille ‘delightful’. Cunt!

      • Jarv says :

        You fucking would.

      • Droid says :

        That’s a “I’ve got nothing but I’m a last word freak so I have to say something” comment. ie. meaningless shite.

      • Jarv says :

        No it isn’t. It’s a derisive statement showing my complete lack of surprise at your taste failure.

      • lord bronco says :

        Ratatoullie…watched 20 minutes shut it off-I kept saying to myself-put some friggin’ rat poison in the stew-filthy rodent-plus-he’s feeding snotty rich french people-for the love of god-no character I could empathize with-and to have that movie destroy peresopolis for an Oscar-sheesh

      • M. Blitz says :

        If I wanted to see rats in a kitchen, I’d just put on Muppets Take Manhattan. Diner rats! And it comes with the added bonus of Fozzie hopping a freight. Setting aside the misplaced “Somebody’s Getting Married” shenanigans at the end, that movie is great.

  7. koutchboom says :

    Talk to her awesome pick. I thought it was in the 90’s I would probably put that as number 1. Though Bad Education was kind of lame though.

    Though B-13 I think there has to be a better action film then that?

    I’d put Very Long Engagement and Evil in their, and no Descent? I need to see Persepolis, but the only people I knew who had seen it were just those annoyingly hipster pretencious douche’s. And none of them had ever heard of Triplets of Beilveille…

  8. Jarv says :

    Koutch-

    There’s no British films at all in there- it’s going in wihth Australia

  9. koutchboom says :

    As for The Lives of Others, I’ve thought about going back to try and watch it again. I just remember when I rent it, I tried like 10 or more times to make it through and everytime it just kept putting me to sleep.

  10. Jarv says :

    Do you mean Belleville Rendezvous?

  11. Jarv says :

    Re- Action,

    As I said, there will be some glaring omissions, but I’m more than happy to address them.

  12. koutchboom says :

    I need to see Die Weller (The Wave) another German Film.

  13. Bartleby says :

    dead on about number 1 film…Finishing up the top 20(with 5 honorable mentions) animated films for Cinematropolis. Don’t hate on Ratatouille just because Persepolis is better. I dug both of them.

    • koutchboom says :

      Did you watch Battle For Terra? If not your animated list is incomplete.

      • Bartleby says :

        No,Im saving it for a triple feature with Delgo and Hoodwinked.

      • Droid says :

        Did you sit at home and render that fucking flick frame by frame because you pimp that bitch like she’s your last good whore.

      • Droid says :

        I’ve seen Hoodwinked. I literally fell asleep watching it at least 4 times. It wasn’t terrible, and it was a sunday afternoon. I guess I just needed the sleep.

      • koutchboom says :

        Awww don’t lump Battle for Terra in that group. Delgo and Hoodwick were god awful.

        Fuck even Ebert can admit that there is some merit in Battle For Terra.

        It was just a fun little adventure/fantasy animated movie. Its not filled with fart jokes and same plots. Its a fully realized idea, also the animation is like 10 years ahead of anything done in Hoodwinked and Delgo.

      • koutchboom says :

        “Did you sit at home and render that fucking flick frame by frame”

        Hahaha I wish I was that good. But I’m pretty sure its some love child of the director: Aristomenis Tsirbas.

        Laugh at those guys all you want, but I bet the guy who’s life work was the Pokemon idea is pretty happy with himself.

  14. Bartleby says :

    Yea, I have no intention of watching it…and the same for Delgo and Battle for Terra. Actually, if Koutch is recommending it, I’ll try and see it at some point. Is it on dvd?

    • koutchboom says :

      Delgo is pure shit, its as bad as it looks. Thats why I was so hesitante to watch Terra, then I did and it took my by surprise how much I liked it.

      Its just a much different CGI movie then you get. Its more of just a staright up Action movie. Sure the sperm looking creatures or a little off putting at first, but I like where it goes and I don’t see how you got 20 animated films in best 10 years unless the first 7 are just pixar. And outside of Kung Fu Panda, Bee Movie, Over the Hedge there is nothing from Dreamworks. And I guess if you include stop motion.

      Give it a shot hate me later. I guess if you hated TMNT then you may not like Battle For Terra, though Terra is a lot more serious. It really is good. It makes the prequels look really dumb.

      • Jarv says :

        Persepolis is better than at least 5 pixar films, as is Spirited Away.

      • koutchboom says :

        Not better then Wall-E. Ain’t no way ain’t no how. And I really like Spirited Away, just something after my first viewing of it has left me empty.

        And yeah yeah I need to see Persepoplis. Jarv is just more intouch with his inner teenage girl then the rest of us.

      • Jarv says :

        And that comment shows what an ignorant peasant you are. It’s not about being a teenage girl. It’s her whole life.

      • Jarv says :

        Although, no, I think I do prefer Wall E to it.

        It’s certainly better than Cars, Ratatouille, Monsters Inc, Finding Nemo and maybe Toy Story 2.

  15. Bartleby says :

    Koutch, yea, I was just giving you a hard time. I tried to think of something totally cheap looking. I’ll see Battle for Terra eventually. I mean, if you consider the foreign markets, there are always movies I haven’t seen in the animation category. I tried to find the 25 I personally liked best. We’ll see how they go over.

    • koutchboom says :

      I just know you like Sci-Fi movies and its probably one of the 10 best sci-fi movies of the decade. I mean i guess its in the SPACE OPERA section of Syfy. But anything set in space I consider Syfy.

      • Droid says :

        Top 10 scifi of the decade!? That would be an interesting list. There’s been A LOT of shit.

      • koutchboom says :

        Well whats your concept of SyFy? You have those die hard SyFy guys like Ebert, who automatically says a movie isn’t SyFy if there is any sort of action and just calls them Space Opra’s (District 9, Serenity).

        But he calls movies like Knowing SyFy….its a loosely defined term.

      • Droid says :

        I suppose that’s true. I think I refer to scifi more as something set in space or if space is involved somehow. I would really call Knowing scifi but i suppose a case can be made for it being one.

      • Droid says :

        I’d call District 9 scifi.

      • Jarv says :

        Knowing, District 9 are Sci-fi. As is D-13.

        It’s a loose term, but one that can quite easily be applied a lot.

      • koutchboom says :

        Yeah if you ask any SyFy die hard, to them the only SyFy movies have been 2001, Silent Running, and Moon. Seriously, its like the second there is action in a movie its automatically not SyFy. They always want to say Alien is SyFy, but won’t.

      • Jarv says :

        Alien is Sci-Fi, of course it is.

        Fucking nerds.

      • Jarv says :

        Ditto horror for the decade- fuck me, picking 10 good ones is nigh on impossible.

  16. Jarv says :

    I think I’m going to redo this headline. It’s not as funny as I thought.

    Maybe “Jarv goes on a booze cruise and has his opinions confirmed but still comes back with 10,000 smokes and Europe’s best movies.”

  17. koutchboom says :

    I think Horror would be easy. Granted you guys all hold your horror to some ridiculously high standard.

  18. Jarv says :

    It’s not holding it to some high standard- because I don’t. It’s holding it to any standard.

    I struggle to think of 10 good horrors this decade.

    It’s been awash with shit remakes, Torture Porn, Crap teen horror and very little actually good stuff.

    Would anyone honestly make a case for, say, Darkness Falls (because I’ll rip that shit a new one).

  19. koutchboom says :

    How can you not like Talk To Her*? That movie did really take me by surprise. And its SOOO fucked up to boot. But comeon, its got a tiny man running all over a naked body. How many times have you had that same dream?

  20. Droid says :

    I can think of one horror that i liked. The Descent. Apart from that (and to be honest I’ve avoided nearly all horror) it’s fucking dire.

  21. Jarv says :

    Talk to me? the Cheadle thing?

  22. Jarv says :

    Exactly, The Descent for the fucking win.

  23. koutchboom says :

    Yeah horror has just become a way to show more and more grizzlier deaths. Its like a genre thats just obsessed with topping itself. And this decade the french took it to an art form.

  24. Droid says :

    I’ve only seen a handful of horror flicks that I truly love, and The Descent is on that list. I’m usually bored by horror.

  25. koutchboom says :

    I could do a top ten horror movies, and see how much you all hate me afterwards.

  26. koutchboom says :

    Though to be honest guys, Year One is the best horror film in the past decade. It was so scary it made me want to give up watching movies all together, and no other film has scared me that bad before.

  27. Droid says :

    horror has just become a way to show more and more grizzlier deaths. Its like a genre thats just obsessed with topping itself.

    Speaking of this, I’ve got Final Destination 4 at home to watch. Anyone seen it?

  28. Droid says :

    I need to see Rec.

    • Jarv says :

      You do. It’s mint.

      I stand by that- the only hand held camera film that uses the device properly.

      • koutchboom says :

        I’d say Cloverfield is pretty much the same movie, just on a bigger scale.

      • Jarv says :

        Except Cloverfield is shit and populated with douchebag twats that I wanted to punch.

      • koutchboom says :

        I found the same level of annoyance in both films.

      • Jarv says :

        Fuck no. They drove me absolutely potty in Cloverfield- I didn’t feel the same about Rec.

        And whatever else you say about it, the end sequence is fucking effective, and she’s a great monster.

      • koutchboom says :

        See I saw Quarentine before [REC] and they are the same movies. It’s the first horror redo that made sense, because you need to pay attention to the screen and not read subtitles. I’m not saying this is a problem for us, but the basic movie going public it makes sense. And I’m glad they just did the exact same movie.

        I’ve got no problem with the monster at the end of either movie.

        The main girl in [REC] was more fucking annoying then anyone in Cloverfield, sure those people were douchbags, but that girl I wish had died a lot sooner. In both [REC] and Quantentine.

      • Jarv says :

        Maybe in Quarantine, but I thought she was spot on in Rec.

        Anyway, king of annoying douchebags in these type of films will forever be that cunt in Diary of the Dead.

      • Jarv says :

        Also, even if she is annoying, she’s the only one. FUCKING EVERYBODY in cloverfield was begging for a kick in the bollocks.

        It also struggled because it didn’t know what sort of film it actually wanted to be and ended up being a big pile of shite.

      • koutchboom says :

        The people in Colverfield didn’t bother me as much it did you. But the girl in [REC] and Quarentine was in EVERY FUCKING scene, there is no way around her.

        As for Cloverfield, it was like a one and done movie, I saw it never really need to see it again. Should’ve been some bouns extra feature on the Emmerich Godzilla 3-Disc Criteron collectors dvd.

      • Jarv says :

        “As for Cloverfield, it was like a one and done movie, I saw it never really need to see it again. Should’ve been some bouns extra feature on the Emmerich Godzilla 3-Disc Criteron collectors dvd”

        Best idea you’ve ever had.

        Seriously, that’s exactly what it felt like.

      • Tom_Bando says :

        Well Cloverfield would have been much, MUCH better w/ the following two(2) possible revisions: Giant Robot Lions, and/or CGI 200′ Bert Lahr. Either way-you win. Keep it the way it is-we all lose.

  29. Jarv says :

    Koutch- I did like Talk to Her. It’s one of only 2 Almodovar films I like. I think it’s poetic and just brilliant.

    I do admit though, that I did use those 2 entries to be rude about his other films, and personally, I think that this:

    Unfortunately he isn’t able to keep it up, so I’ve got a lifetime of watching Telemundo level drivel about heroin addled drag queens in a forlorn search for the priest that molested them/ mother that abandoned them/ redemption/ giant cock/ dead body nonsense (Starring Antonio Banderas as a sexually confused lunatic with a prostheic limb fetish) to look forward to.

    is the best bit of writing I’ve done in a while.

    • koutchboom says :

      Yeah I didn’t like Bad Education. I think famous mexican actor #2 of 2 didn’t do a good job in that movie, were normally he’s better then famous mexican actor #1.

      These two being the guys from And your mother to, I can’t be assed to look up their names.

  30. Jarv says :

    Bernal.

    I prefer Bad Education because of his performance. I think it’s genuinely a great film.

    Most Almodovar blows.

  31. Hawaiian Organ Donor says :

    Good list Jarv. I’m going to watch the ones I missed this week. As seeing Mongol was heavily financed by Russia and Germany, I’d put that one up on my list along with La Vie En Rose and Snatch. But half your list would mirror mine.

  32. Jarv says :

    La Vie en Rose will be the replacement if Pans doesn’t count. I think Mongol (top film) counts as Asian, and I’m doing a sort of commonwealth list next- as I was shocked at how good the UK’s output had been.

  33. lord bronco says :

    Depressing?!? I thought it was kind of horribly uplifting,in a pathetic way…since others on the site haven’t seen it yet–I’ll not describe specifics. Another reason why it’s so good, is watching it the second time…it *really* rewards the viewer with lots of shattered perspectives the second time through…I voted it best horror movie of the decade.

    • Jarv says :

      Really?

      I can see Lives of Others as uplifting, but not LTROI- fuck’s sake, he’s been groomed and is going to end up covered in acid jumping out of a window.

  34. koutchboom says :

    I think Evil should be on there. But no ones seen the bloody thing.

  35. just pillow talk says :

    Yup, once again I’ve not seen most of these films. But, I did see Brotherhood, which is just fucking cool. Delightful even. Pan’s, B-13, and Lives of Others. All good to great films for different reasons. I would rank Brotherhood higher than B-13 on the ‘fun’ scale though. It can’t top the combo of martial arts/beast/Monica.

    Fuck, now that I think about that, that’s #1 film right there. Fuck coherent stories and whatnot. I want martial arts, a fucking smoking hot chick, and some crazy whack beast in my movies. Which is why astro-lesbos vs. werewolves on the moon would be an instant classic. Throw in some samurai monkeys and midgets…..

    • Bartleby says :

      Seriously….Im sure that movie was compiled from a list of “what is awesome?” and then they just threw it in there. The absolute best part, here stateside anyways, the tv trailers carried the tagline: Based on a true story.”

      Of course what the movie is ‘based’ on is the small bit about the beast of gevudan. Pretty sure all the vatican ninja hookers and martial arts iroqouis, and giant tiger buffalos were added after the fact.

      • just pillow talk says :

        It’s pure genius.

        There should be a movie called “Brotherhood of Warwick”. Have crazy midgets with war paint try and take over the world, except that the Amazon women are there to stop them. Throw in a giant mutated poodle (but this time it’ll be cool, honest!), and you have yourself a winner.

      • Jarv says :

        That’s on the film as well.

        Apparently there’s a 3 hour cut of Silent Hill out there that is meant to be good.

    • lord bronco says :

      Brotherhood of the wolf-or properly Les Pact de Loups-was fucking awesome-I’ve been trying to write a review of it on AIBN for months, but i lost my copy (some college bastard stole it, I’m quite sure).

      It has..everything..but it’s too long. its the flick Doomsday aspired too-but I loved that freaking picture. and then the director went on to make Martyrs-read my AIBN review/whatever-goddam what a nasty picture.

  36. lord bronco says :

    What? No Dog Soldiers? could one of you European types explain to me what your obsession/hatred of Sean Pertwee is all about?

  37. lord bronco says :

    ha ha Ameile–kids these days say it’s a great dtae flick or something-I watched it-the only thing i remember is her boyfriend works in a porno store…

  38. xiphos0311 says :

    Good list and surprisingly I’ve seen a majority of these. Can’t argue with 10,8,6,5 or 4.
    Especially number 8 that movie was great.

    About Pan’s places in the movie world I’m voting for Latin America. Yes I know it was shot in Spain and takes place during Franco’s reign but the sensibility and much of the creature design is Hispanic and predominately Mexican in origin. Well more like Mexicas(Aztec) in inspiration, seriously it is. Take a gander at Mexican artists in general or more specifically ones that paint in the Mexicas style you’ll see many a creature that shares a look with the creature from Pan’s.

    • Jarv says :

      Regarding Baader-Meinhof:

      It’s superb, and if it weren’t for the crass preaching (well acted crass preaching) then it could have been a contender for number 1.

      The best bit of the film is when they’re at Palestinian training camp and are sunbathing naked and all the muslim terrorists shit one. Also when Baader explodes at them because he’s an “urban terrorist” and doesn’t need to crawl around in the muck.

      • Bartleby says :

        I liked Baader, Jarv, but I don’t know, in the end felt it was (as you said) too preachy, and transparently so. Sometimes that can work in a film’s favor, but it just seemed to dominate everything by the end. It’s a good movie, but not one that would cross my mind for a list, mostly because I think of it as an interesting ‘try’.

        But, to each his own. Good list of course. And like I said earlier, 1 is pretty much indisputable.

      • koutchboom says :

        I gotta be the only person on this planet that didn’t enjoy Lives of Others.

      • Jarv says :

        I think you are, honestly.

        Everyone I know that’s seen it says it’s superb.

    • Jarv says :

      Oh, I know- that’s why it’s so low and why it nearly fell off the list altogether. However, I balanced it with that although the preachy bits were annoying there was only 2 of them and they were short. They did feel hopelessly tacked on though.

  39. Tom_Bando says :

    I fully expect to see one ‘In Bruges’ mentioned somewheres in Jarv’s Anglo list of films. It’s only fitting, exploding dwarves and all.

  40. jarv says :

    Interesting stuff. Good to see the brotherhood love.dog soldiers snd in bruges are on other lists. I asked mrs jarv and she considers Pan’s to be Spanish- and she’s my auhority on Latin things

    • Continentalop says :

      Good list. I’m much more of a europhile than an Asian film fan so I’ve seen more of these films.

      And not disagreeing with your list, but wonder if you’ve seen a couple of movies and what you thought of them:

      No Man’s Land
      Read My Lips
      The Beat That My Heart Skipped
      Man on a Bridge
      Gomorrah
      Head On

      • Jarv says :

        Haven’t seen Gomorrah. Completely forgot Read My Lips and No man’s land.

        Don’t particularly like Head on for some reason and not seen Man on a Bridge.

      • Bartleby says :

        Man on A Train is a terrific film. It’s on my top foreign language films list…

        John Waters showed Head On at Maryland Film Festival a few years ago. It’s a movie I don’t really care for that much, but it’s interesting to be sure.

        Gomorrah is getting an honorable nod on my list. Still feels pretty fresh, but a good movie, no doubt.

        No Man’s Land–I know this is gonna sound really odd, but I think I watched that movie to death a few years ago. In 2004, I was rooming with some guys and for some reason oneof them always had the Independent film channel on and it was always showing No Man’s Land. I had seen it on dvd, but, everytime you turned around, there it was. One of the guys would never watch the thing through–kept leaving or walking away or something–so I think I’ve seen the middle portion somewhere in the neighborhood of twenty times. Good film though.

    • koutchboom says :

      Conti, what did you think of Gomorrah?

    • koutchboom says :

      Also The Beat That My Heart Skipped, funny, the Europeans remade an American movie! HAhahahahahahaaha Sweet I’ve been wanting to see that movie, and its on PBS next week? PBS????

      • Continentalop says :

        I really dug Gomorrah. It almost was on my top 20 list.

        And, yeah, I think it is awesome that another country (besides India) remade an American film. I think The Beat That My Heart Skipped is better than Fingers overall, but that fucking ending with Harvey Kietel is damn powerful.

  41. herr milflover says :

    I say the ‘co-produced’ loophole makes El Laberinto Del Fauno worthy of this list.
    I coincidentally rewatched it tonight and it is a fucking masterpiece.
    Like. A. Bitch.

    Both Pan and Banlieue 13 are on my decade overall top 10 (not that I’ve made one yet), but I dont think I’d be able to make ‘subcategorized’ rankings like you’ve all been doing. Need to recheck Le Pacte Des Loups, and I want to see Persepolis and Let The Right One In. Not sure if I could watch Downfall with a straight face after all those Hitler youtube parodies. The rest have no appeal to me. Almodovar is meh.

    If you want to see true cinematic garbage, watch Les Dalton (based on the Lucky Luke baddies), without a doubt one of the worst pieces of shit I’ve ever subjected myself to.

    • Jarv says :

      Mrs. Jarv says it’s Spanish.

      Her argument is based on how heavily rooted it is in Spain.

      She also tried to explain to me why Almodovar is good last night. Needless to say, I still don’t understand.

  42. Continentalop says :

    Man on a TRAIN, not Bridge.

  43. koutchboom says :

    Tell No One, The Counterfeiters and Eight Miles High!, anyone seen them? The first two look really good, the third one just looks fun to watch.

    • Jarv says :

      I want to see all three of them, but haven’t yet.

      Am I the only person in the world that’s seen Darkness over Talinn? That’s a magnificent film based on a true story.

    • Droid says :

      I’ve seen Tell No One. It’s really good. Similar kind of flick the The Crimson Rivers in that it’s kind of a preposterous Hollywood thriller grounded by superb actors.

      • Droid says :

        Random fact: The bloke who directed Tell No One is the french boyfriend in The Beach.

      • Jarv says :

        What? Really?

        Now that’s a shit film.

      • koutchboom says :

        The guy that directed Babylon AD was the GIMME THE CASH guy in 5th Element, but he’s been famous for a while. I need to see his early French films.

      • Droid says :

        ha. That Gimme the cash bloke is funny.

        The first half of the beach captured the book quite well. As soon as Boyle started fucking around with making it look like a computer game and shit is where it went to pot.

        The book of The Beach is still one of my favorite reads. Brilliant.

    • Continentalop says :

      I’ve seen the first two k-Boom. I liked Tell No One a lot. Counterfeiters was ok, just didn’t send me.

  44. Jarv says :

    I can never decide if it’s Life Less Ordinary or The Beach that’s Boyle’s worst film.

    Boyle seems to have serious 3rd act problems

    • Droid says :

      ALLO is shite. The Beach at least started well.

      I’ve said for yonks and yonks that Boyle CANNOT do third acts. His films basically set up brilliantly over the first two acts then turn to absolute shit. The Beach started well, as did 28 Days Later. Sunshine was nearly brilliant up until they came back from the other ship. Slumdog also had HUGE fucking third act problems.

      • koutchboom says :

        ALLO is worse the The Beach.

        I don’t mind Boyle’s third act nuttyness.

        What was Slumdogs third act problems?

      • Droid says :

        Slumdogs third act probs is…

        a) It’s wrapped up far too neatly.

        b) The bollywood dancing

        c) Most importantly, the second to last question on an Indian million dollar quiz show WOULD NOT EVER be related to cricket.

      • koutchboom says :

        Those seem nit picky. It was suppose to wrap up that nicely. Yeah i thought the cricket question was a bit stupid. Nothing that ruins the film. It didn’t turn into something completely different in the end.

        You know surprisingly those sound like my wife’s three big problems with the film. Like I couldn’t believe she hated it, it was totally her movie. It still boggles my mind that she hates the film. I think she hated all the hype afterward, she finally understood the Fox Searchlight Oscar hype machine.

        God I’m glad that Sunshine Cleaning didn’t do anything this year.

      • Jarv says :

        c) Most importantly, the second to last question on an Indian million dollar quiz show WOULD NOT EVER be related to cricket.

        Fucking good point this, not to mention the fact that the question asked every cunt (including me) knows the answer to, and I can guarantee you that every Indian cunt also knows it.

      • Droid says :

        I don’t hate it. I quite enjoyed it. It was massively overhyped however. But that question in particular seemed to me like a huge fucking blunder. Like it was made for americans who don’t know anything about cricket apart from the fact that Indians play it. It REALLY annoyed me.

      • Jarv says :

        I don’t hate it. I quite enjoyed it. It was massively overhyped however. But that question in particular seemed to me like a huge fucking blunder. Like it was made for americans who don’t know anything about cricket apart from the fact that Indians play it. It REALLY annoyed me.

        Exactly.

        Christ, Droid’s on fire.

      • koutchboom says :

        Yeah the whole cricket question I was like? Really? THATS A HARD QUESTION? I don’t know the answer, but it would be like asking a question about some famous old baseball player record in the states.

        Also the question about Amitabh Bachchan was stupid, I knew that, and that was a big sequence of the film.

        Also you had Danny Boyle on every show getting interviewed talking about how Indian who wasn’t to be a millionaire is harder then the american version by a long shot. I saw the movie and thought, damn I need to try out for indian millionaire. I’d do a lot better on that then the american one.

      • Jarv says :

        It’s even worse than that Koutch, because the options were just so fucking stupid there could only be one answer, and to make matters worse, I think that’s the one he “apparently” doesn’t know.

        Bullshit.

      • koutchboom says :

        Really for me the final question was the only one that bugged me the most when I saw it because it was SO foreshawdowed in the begining. Also the idea that the last question would be about one of the most famous books in history?

    • Jarv says :

      That’s bad too.

      I’m trying to think of how to explain it- a comparison would be asking an American who hit the most home runs and then putting up the answer, one semi-credible but crowd pleasing options and then 2 fucking pitchers.

      Honestly, it’s that bad.

      • koutchboom says :

        Yeah I’d much rather Danny Boyle had gone on TV and said: “Oh yeah Millionaire in Indian is FAR easier then it is in America, its just a way to please the nation. But they don’t like people winning.” Or something like that, he acted like it was the hardest game show known to man.

  45. Jarv says :

    Trainspotting and Shallow Grave don’t have third act problems though- not that I can think of.

    The cenobite nonsense in Sunshine nearly scuppered the film for me.

    • Droid says :

      I haven’t seen either in over 10 years but I remember no third act problems. It’s after The Beach and 28 Days Later that I first suspected. Suspicions confirmed by Sunshine.

      • koutchboom says :

        I liked the third act of Sunshine. Sure it was a stretch after most of the movie they were trying to realism, but I liked it. Did you guys see I put a Danny Boyle catagory for my best of the decade?

  46. Continentalop says :

    Another film I enjoyed was another Patrice Leconte film, Intimate Strangers. I don’t know why, but I really dug that film.

    As you can tell from my list, not a big fan of The New French Extremity (but I love Italian Eurocrime movies from the 70s – so I do have a sleazy side).

  47. koutchboom says :

    Conti, on Gomorrah. I used to live in that section of Italy. I’m trying to get my wife to watch it, but she’s been falling asleep. I wanted to show her what my life was like back then.

    I’ve only seen like a half hour so far I really like it.

    • Continentalop says :

      K-Boom, you used to live in Naples? Fuck! That place used to be quite dangerous i heard. If you remember the trailer for the doc “Eurocrime” they had at Twitch, one guy says “They used to have an expression back then: come see Naples and die.”
      Fuck the Sicilian mafia. Fuckin’ Camorra are nuts!

      • koutchboom says :

        Yeah I remember seeing the trailer for The Gomoarrah and going??? FUCK ME I used to hang out their. Most of what I’ve seen is in Pinetemare (i don’t know how to spell it right), which COULD have been this nice ass resort town and was, but it was all mob money and went to shit. You could easily film a post apocolyptic future movie there on a small budget and make it look good.

        I graduated high school in Naples. I was only asked once about my age when buying booze, I was a sophmore and buying bunch of vodka for a party and the old lady asked “How old are you?”, “I said 18.” She gave me the total.

        Really though I never got fucked with in Naples. See Italian people are all really small, and me and my buddy were big for our age, and loud as shit. So whenever we went down town we were just loud and obnioxious and he knew Italian so people would get out of our way. Though one time we got lost and ended up walking down this long ass street and as we got further down it it turned into aprtments and we both knew we shouldn’t be there. Luckily the road poped out to a major road at the end.

        Though if you visit Italy, don’t go to Naples its a shit hole (best food though), you look at all the lakes and you think WOW those look cool, then you remember that the reflection is the same as gasoline. Go to Rome its bad ass and you won’t get robbed as easily.

    • Tom_Bando says :

      I have some ancestors from the far s reaches of Calabria I think it’s called, on the straights of Messina etc. I can remember when one of my brothers stopped off in scenic (and lovely) Naples when doing a Med-cruise there in the ’80’s, being a good swabbie he sampled some of the local ladies of semi-questionable morals(but enthralling technique)–one of his comments was Naples was quite ‘dirty’. Having been stationed in Phillie for a couple of years, coming from him-that was saying something.

  48. Continentalop says :

    Yeah, but the Amalfi coast is fucking beautiful.

  49. koutchboom says :

    Yeah the Amalfi cost is nice. Its for old people though. Take the trip to Ischcia instead.

  50. just pillow talk says :

    Just picked up The Lives of Others yesterday, along with The Mist and The International.

    Watched The International last night, not too bad. The rotunda shootout was pretty fucking cool.

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