Jarv’s Schlock Vault: Starcrash

Starcrash! YES! A 4th Dimensional attack!

This may possibly be the greatest film ever made. Seriously- Citizen Kane? Pah, boring nonsense about an old fart’s love for his sledge. Does Casablanca feature David Hasselhoff using a lightsaber to fight a sword-wielding stop motion robot? Well, you get the idea, because none of the alleged cinematic classics feature C3P0 with breasts! Honestly, your tiny little mind is not prepared for the sheer unmitigated awesomeness of Starcrash. The only question I have, is how had I never seen a film where a significant portion of it takes place on the planet of the space lesbians?

Just a warning, but I’ve gone completely picture happy in this review. Because I couldn’t work out which ones to discard, and they are all that funny.

Contains inexplicable Country and Western robots and spoilers below.