XIPHOS TAKES A LOOK AT THE TELEVISION

Here’s a look at some shows I’ve been watching in a mini-review format. Some are on going, some have wrapped up for the season and few have just started their run. As always spoiler warning is in effect but then again if you read reviews online and expect them to be spoiler free your parents and grandparents, nay, your whole line are sibling fuckers.

A Droid Premiere: Oblivion (2013)

It’s been a while between reviews, the last one being ‘Taken 2’ all the way back in October last year. This has been equal part laziness and part real life interfering. Okay, unequal. I’ve been mostly lazy. No surprise there. But I’m back now, and I intend to review on a more regular basis. To kick the resurgence off I bring you a Droid Premiere! Tom “The Running Man” Cruise’s foray into post-apocalyptic science fiction, ‘Oblivion’.

XIPHOS AND EVIL DEAD

I saw this on Sunday 7 April and here are my thoughts. This will be quick since everybody and probably their mothers know about the Evil Dead franchise so no back story mumbo jumbo from me.

Jarv’s view from the couch part 2: Comedy and Drama

I know technically DarkPlace was a comedy, but I’m splitting this TV series into manageable bite-sized chunks.

Anyway, this time around, I’m looking at another cancelled British comedy, and a long running and grotesquely overrated American series.

Jarv’s view from the couch: Part 1 (Sci-fi and Horror)

This is normally Droid’s territory, but work has been kicking my arse to such an extent that I have literally not watched a movie of any description for absolutely yonks. However, Lovefilm has stuffed a whole load of TV up on the On-Demand service, and I have been watching that. So, this will include a brief capsule review of everything I’ve seen in 2013. Many of these series I started and then abandoned for being either a) shit or b) too much  for my lazy brain to deal with.

I’m not bothering with ratings for this lot, as I’ll be here all day. I will try to be clear though.

Supernova (2000)

Director: Thomas Lee (or Walter Hill)

Starring: James Spader, Angela Bassett, Robin Tunney

Space… vast, unknowable… what lies beyond its endless, intemerate dark? Perhaps worlds of zephyrean solitude, or monstrous, despairing horrors the human mind was never meant to comprehend. Or maybe it’s just a bum-fluffed cockwomble blatting endlessly about sod all. From visionary director Thomas Lee comes this exercise in SF terror as a medical ship receives a distress call from a distant mining colony and on arrival the crew discovers a lone survivor in possession of a glowing alien artifact… May contain the bamboozling sight of a 1970’s robot dressed as a 1940’s fighter pilot & spoilers.

Earth Vs The Spider (1958)

Director: Bert I. Gordon

Starring: Ed Kemmer, June Kenney, Gene Persson

This is the beginning of a periodic series featuring the wonder and pageantry of decades-spanning science fiction cinema. We kick off down the well-trod path of abnormally ginormous creatures and who better to direct us, ‘Mister BIG’ himself, Bert. Anyone even slightly arachnophobic should look away now; anyone who hasn’t the patience for cack flicks should probably put a swerve on as well… May contain a blatant bat-murdering Sheriff & spoilers.

Made in Britain: Hush (2009)

Hush. What a terrible title. Not only is it utterly unevocative, but furthermore it’s just totally imaginative. If I say “Hush” it instantly conjures up images of parents struggling to keep control of errant and annoying children, or if you’re nerdy enough, a Batman villain. At a stretch it reminds me of a terrible Kula Shaker song from the 90’s. What it does not help me visualise is a taut thriller about a couple on a motorway near Sheffield (God’s Chosen City) being menaced by a nutter.

Contains human trafficking and spoilers below.

Star Trek (2009)

 

Director: J.J. Abrams

Starring: Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Karl Urban

So, anyway, Trek died with Insurrection and got zombiefied with Nemesis. I could see a tentative new telly series somewhere down the line, maybe, but not a movie. When I heard about a reboot, my first thought was Next Gen and we’d have that dimwit android B-4 bumbling about comically. Fortunately – or not, if you’re a blinkered nerd – we didn’t get that…

Jarv’s Birthday Series Redux: Coma (1978)

Phew.

This is the penultimate review for the Birthday Series Redux, as I’m waiting for the atrocity released on 23^rd August 2012 to make it to Lovefilm. However, when I had originally planned this run, the early Michael Crichton scripted medical thriller Coma was going to be the last review. However, sheer laziness won out, and I’ve got to look at something from 2012 as well. Anyway, this is the Birthday Series, and the rules are simple: Review one film released as near to your birthday as possible. Today, it’s  Michael Crichton directed Coma, a taut, plausible and downright scary medical thriller that was released on 24^th August 1978 in, er, Mexico. Look, it’s bloody difficult finding any release dates for a film back then. Be thankful that I got anything.

Contains Hospital sanctioned organ heists and spoilers below.