Jarv and Xiphos explain why Game of Thrones Season 2 sucks giant flaming dragon balls

Game of Thrones is unfairly lauded across the Internets and by bored TV critics salivating over something shiny. However, in all honesty, the second series of it hasn’t only been not very good but actually awful and quite unmeriting of the slavering adoration showered upon it.

Myself and Xi had varying opinions of the first series, in that we both liked different bits, but one thing we agreed on was that there was plenty of room for improvement, and the second series could well turn into something special. Unfortunately, this wasn’t the case- and we both held the opinion that the second series is an absolute televisual atrocity.

Contains serious spoilers below- you have been warned. 

Synopsis:

Game of Thrones is based on George R. R. Martin’s obese book series dealing with a war of succession. At the end of the first series the Stark house was riding from the North to King’s Landing to get revenge on the Lannisters that currently hold the throne. In the meantime, John Snow, the bastard Stark, had earned his stripes as a member of the Night Watch on the wall in the north, and Danaerys was Khaleesi of a Dothraki tribe in the East. Season 2 deals primarily with the initial skirmishes and expands the characters and storylines exponentially. Not necessarily to good effect.

The Dink FTW! Carrying a lot of weight on very small shoulders.

PREEMPTIVE DROID STRIKE:

Xiphos: I know your argument will be “why watch it if you don’t like it?” It’s like this, I am trying to figure out the Nerd psyche. I am fascinated the nerds mental gymnastics over GoY and can’t for the life of me figure out where/how they see this crap pile as anything but what it is, a very talky very bland very boring not very well made show. Plus now the D&Ders are bitching about the amount of NUDITY for christ sakes! They say there is too MUCH nudity for crying out loud and it takes away from the story? FUCK THAT! The horrible story needs to be gotten away FROM and the feed bags do just that. I don’t fucking get it. You can’t have enough cans in anything. Speaking for Jarv here, his Old Lady loves GoY so the poor bastard is screwed, he has to watch it.

Jarv: Have to agree, and put my hands up: if it was up to me, I’d have binned it. I suppose it’s only fair considering the amount of shit I’ve inflicted on her over the years.

I don’t understand nerds, and don’t really want to- but there is a strange rubbernecking tendency over the excuses for the failings of this series. If it were set in, say, 19th Century England then I’d bet not one of them would defend it- yet because it’s fantasy, they suck on it like Amy Winehouse on a crack pipe. 

Bron and gratuitous nudity. Almost making it worth it.

 Jarv’s look at the Good features of the series:

Jarv: Well, for me, and I know that Xi will probably agree with this, the only redeeming feature (aside from the massive amounts of nudity) is the performance of Peter Dinklage as Tyrion Lannister- a smooth and Machiavellian little midget bastard. He’s at his best, again, in this series and to be fair the whole King’s Landing court shenanigans (the weak point of the first series) has been much better handled. However, there’s nothing really interesting to say about it, so I’m going to talk briefly about Oona Chaplin’s Talisa’s relationship with Robb Stark. Stark, actually, has been woefully sidelined this series in favour of all  sorts of bloody tedium, but their relationship from first meeting to eventual marriage was nicely handled and she puts in the most warm performance of any of the actors other than The Dink. One of my major complaints with this piss poor series is that there are too many storylines, and I would have far preferred more time in Stark camp with these two than some of the shit with Stannis’ Baratheon’s brother- which only exists to introduce what will be a major character in the future. Aside from that, the Battle episode was at least watchable, which is more than you can say for most of it.

Xiphos: The Dink and Juggs FTW! Seriously they are the only consistently good parts of this show. Everything else varies in quality from mediocre to downright sucking ass.They keep referring to Robb Stark kicking ass everywhere yet we never see any of it. That is inexcusable writing. We see him so little that I forget what the actor looks like and it takes me a minute or two to remember who he is when he pops up occasionally.

The Hound’s audition for Oil of Olay was doomed to failure

Xiphos’ look at the Good features of the series:

Xiphos: For me the “good” is really a misnomer since season 2  comes down to me liking a few side characters like The Hound who came on strong this year. The total mercenary dude the Dink installed as head of the palace guard was a riot in his five minutes of screen time. The Gay King and his hot wife that was willing to pimp her brother (and she nuded up) was fun. The chick playing Sansa Stark will be a total hottie in 2 years (she’s 16 now so…). While I dislike intensely the Arya Stark on the run storyline, I did enjoy her interaction with Tywinn Lanister and the Assassin might be an interesting character later on. The “attack” episode was slightly above average but had several problems (some of which I will deal with below). To be fair how Daeny resolves the lame House of the Undying section was OK

Jarv: “Good” is probably overstating it- not shit would be better.

I completely forgot about both Bron and the Hound, probably because they had a combined 10 minutes of screen time in 10 episodes. On the other hand, I fucking hated gay king, and left to me, I’d have dumped him on the cutting room floor. Arya on the run I could deal with, and her interaction with Tywinn was a high point, but they screwed it due to the repetition with the other fucking Stark kids in what will inevitably be a straight forward repeat of the same fucking story (the overriding problem of the series). Robb stark may as well not have been in it. 

Never, ever, ever, entrust navigation to a woman.

Jarv’s pick for the Bad:

Jarv: Fuck me. What a fucking waste. In the first series, I thought that the most interesting storyline of the three was the rise of Danaerys from tribesman’s fucktoy to becoming Queen and “mother of dragons”. Given that the first series closed with a very naked Emilia Clarke (who unlike Xi, I do find attractive) striding out of the flames with her dragons, I (mistakenly) thought we may be on to something entertaining. Sadly, this didn’t prove to be the case. Of all the storylines hideously short-changed in this series, Dany’s took the worst hit. She barely appears in the first half of it, and even then it’s to moan about being stuck in a fucking desert that she led them to (never trust a woman on navigation). The second half, though, is even worse, because once she’s inside Qarth (Stupid name), which may as well be the worst cliché ridden excuse for an arabic shit pit that I’ve ever seen (and I’m not joking about this, it’s one cunt hair from Osama Bin Laden molesting livestock on screen), all the boring, whinging, useless cow does is attend parties in posh frocks, whine about how nobody gives her any respect, which she frankly doesn’t deserve, and generally get on my tits. The finale at least had her do something of interest, but blow me down if the whole House of the Undying wasn’t spectacularly unimaginative and utterly derivative.

I honestly, for the life of me, cannot see why she was in this series at all. Her storyline maybe, and I’m being generous with this, contained enough material to appear in about two episodes, but nope, she was on all the time moaning like a nymphomaniac riding a bucking bronco. Iain Glenn proved to be watchable as her retainer, again, but I’d honestly have excised her whole storyline from this series as it went precisely nowhere. I’m not kidding- she’s basically finished the series in the exact same position she was at the start: a Queen in waiting with 3 baby dragons and no fucking kingdom. Furthermore, her character hasn’t developed in any positive way, and gone is the determined woman from the first series, instead replaced with some bloody annoying shrew with a sodding fashion fixation. Just awful writing on every conceivable level, and I’ve got to blame the source material for this.

Xiphos: I couldn’t buy into Daeny’s storyline in Season 1. There is no way that mopey not very attractive wench would be in possession of a golden snapper that would tame a wild nomad leader, that just didn’t fly with me. Season 2 Daeny was even worse since she turned into a  whiny, entitled chick that thinks she deserves to be queen just because. Sweet pants shut up, nut up and wait for the dragons to grow up, put together your forces, build political alliances then go whup some ass!  Christ on a crutch, this story line, while almost thrown out in Season 2, was still too much and the Qarth scenes were plain awful to suffer through. I suspect all the Daeny’s sections were written by 15 year old girls. If there was a unicorn somewhere it would have been the smoking gun.

This is truly great camouflage. You fucker’s don’t stand out like a sore fucking thumb or anything.

Xiphos’ pick for the bad:

Xiphos: The Wall. Jesus this was disappointing. I liked this section in the first series, even if it had Samwise Gamgee in it (Fuck you Martin you plagiarizing thief) but man did they cock this shit up hard this series. I freely admit I gave the first season of the Wall storyline a pass due to me being predisposed to liking stories about a few warriors way out on the frontier protecting the world from a very real danger that nobody believes exists except for the men doing the hard dirty work. This series on the other hand killed all my good feeling from last season. They took an interesting idea and shit on it. It became a very talky very boring foot trip around Iceland with dopey characters doing dumb things for no other reasons than the script calls for it. And for guys with the title of RANGER who go out beyond the wall among the Wildings they show a distinct lack of martial skill. I kept getting annoyed that they were operating in a white wasteland and they wear black armor and black cloaks instead of white camouflage (see picture above). Hell even the wildings wear white so they, you know, blend in with the environment. Fucking writer dipshits put down the doughnuts, weed and internet porn and maybe read a book about the Finns almost beating the Commies in WW2. That might help you understand about operating in a frozen environment you hack jobs. Also the mopey prick that plays Jon Snow (fucking stupid name BTW dramatic foreshadowing much?) turned into a colossal and limp dick putz and the ginger scottish broad with the bizarre accent kept on her bloomers WHICH WAS UNACCEPTABLE! She better drop trou in the very first minute of the very first  episode of Season 3 or there will be trouble a coming their way.

Jarv: Aaaaaaargggggggggh- I fucking  hate you Samwise “Character theft” Gamgee and just want your fat ass turned over to the Japanese whaling fleet. Obese, useless exercise in fucking tedium with a perpetually whiny voice and a face that looks like he’s puzzled as he’s misplaced his emergency cheese sandwich. He’s another cunt that should have ended up on the cutting room floor. On the other hand, I know nothing about combat, and even I spotted that mooching around on tundra dressed in black would make you stand out like a tarantula on a slice of angel food.

Fail. Epic fail. This is also an example of unearned nerd love as they described Snow’s sword fight as “epic”, which it most certainly was not. 

I hate you, Theon, I really hate you.

Jarv’s pick for the ugly:

Jarv: 2 words: Theon Greyjoy. Has there ever been a more useless and series killing character in a major show than this utter cunt? I fucking despise him with the fire of a thousand suns, and I resent the amount of bloody screen time that the annoying, entitled, moaning, stupid, arrogant, conceited, spoiled little fuckhead had on screen. Every single fucking episode had him bitching about how he needed to prove himself as an Iron Islander, and that his daddy didn’t fucking love him. Oh boo fucking hoo you ungrateful little cockwomble. So you were sent off to live in luxury and treated as one of the family in Winterfell were you? Poor fucking you. So Daddy prefers your sister, who at least has earned her stripes, to you? Poor fucking you. So the Starks didn’t give you enough respect? Poor fucking you. You didn’t get command of the Iron Islands fleet, despite having displayed no aptitude for this whatsoever, and not even being in line for it? Poor fucking you.

Alfie Allen tries hard with the part, but the character is so inordinately detestable, as is his entire family and storyline, that he’s buggered, and by episode 7 I seriously resented every single second the fucking disgrace to humanity spent on screen. When he’s moaning about how he’s “travelled too far down this road” in the finale I begged the wife to turn it off, as it’s entirely self-inflicted- he’d had about 20 fucking opportunities to not be such a little fucking bitch and not fuck up as drastically as he was doing. There’s no excuse for shite writing on this level, and I genuinely believe he should not have been in the series at all. His final speech was a reasonable attempt at being rousing, and so forth, but too fucking little too fucking late, and I genuinely cheered when the fumbletrumpet was knocked out, but I regret that nobody took their chance to put the boot in a few times on the cunt.

Xiphos:  Jesus Christ ,this shitbird where to start? He has severe daddy issues, like terminal the punk ass bitch. He’s ungrateful and a pussy.  He’s a weak leader, his sister is TOUGHER, STRONGER AND A BETTER WAR LEADER APPARENTLY! BWHAHHAHAHAHA!  The turncoat little bitch fucked over the Starks who treated him well when they fostered him. I could go on but I won’t. Mostly I just dislike the actor he grates on me and deserves a throat punch.

Yikes.

Xiphos’ pick for the ugly:

Xiphos: Anything to do with combat. Let me put on my military hat and tear George R.R. Martin a new asshole here. First though let me preface this by saying I have not read the books (nor have any plans to do so) but since the show apparently faithfully and dutifully vomited the books onto the TV screen I feel I am on solid ground here. The strategy behind the attack on King’s Landing was fucking dumb and annoyed the hell out of me.

Stannis Baratheon, another chump made out to be a great military leader, focused all his ships and fighters on one gate thus violating one the prime tenets of warfare, conservation of forces, and it led to Tyrion being able to take out almost the entire Navy of Stannis with one boat filled with dragon’s breath. Good writing job there Martin you dumb shit. Read a book about amphibious operations before you crap shit like this you fuck knuckle. I give kudos to Neil Marshall for making that hot mess at least watchable in that episode he directed.

The use of swords in this series sucks. The worst of the lot though is that giant blond chick. We are supposed to believe that she is some sort of fearsome warrior when you can see the wheels turning in her head thinking “step out here, slash there, parry here” and she has footwork that sucks and she’s as graceful as a cow on ice skates. Whoever is in charge of teaching the actors how to fight sucks at their job. It’s no wonder why they stay away from fights scenes. They mostly blow.

Jarv: Oh god, blonde Sasquatch chick. Forgot about her as well. Never mind the fucking sword fighting (which she basically didn’t do), she was just horribly unappealing and another extraneous and boring character.

As for the more military matters, I can’t answer to that, so will bow to superior knowledge- except it’s telling that the Dink, with no martial experience, can clobber the whole fucking fleet. This suggests that it’s horseshit. It was at least watchable though, and was the only time in either series that anyone got a semi-decent performance out of Lena Headey- so kudos to Marshall. 

Oh, and talking about Headey, stop it with the fucking incest storylines. Please. 

More of this, and less chin wagging please.

Room for improvement:

Jarv: For me there are 2 fundamental problems to Game of Thrones: the source material and the writing. The source material is just too bloated, stuffed full of repetitive and hateful characters, and buckets and buckets of boring talk going nowhere. The series reflects this hugely, as almost every episode basically consists of people talking portentous and pompous guff back and forth with no real action. The writing of the series actually compounds this, because by being so slavish in converting the  source to the big screen, we get every single fucking character talking absolute bollocks about “Winter coming” or how hard it is to be fucking Queen, or some other such absolute honk.

Adapting a property, in my opinion, involves translating it to a different medium. As part of the adaptation process, you may have to make hard choices, and this is your chance to excise some mistakes that the original writer made. In the case of Game of Thrones, I’d have pared it down- Theon would not have made it to the screen (he adds nothing to the narrative thrust), the youngest Stark boy would not have survived, as he’s basically repeating the same journey as Ariya, and I’d have written Danaerys and The Wall totally out of this series.

That this shit features in it is that it’s purely to satiate the rabid needs of online dingbats, and I, personally, don’t see any fucking need to pander to these cretins at all. Furthermore, to a large degree, the character bloating is down to Martin’s “POV” characters. There’s no need for fat Samwise (actually the cunt’s name) at the Wall. He adds nothing, and is entirely punchable. So, therefore, what I would have done is intentionally butcher Martin’s source and pare down the number of storylines to a maximum of THREE per fucking series. No fucking more than that is acceptable, particularly given the paucity of interest in the Wall and the East’s sections. Yes, the dorks would wail and gnash their teeth, but frankly fuck them- their opinion gives us things like Watchmen.

Sadly, we aren’t getting this- the next book has been split in half. That’ll be entertaining then. This is a huge mistake in my opinion, because not only will the TV series overtake the books in a few years, but the author may well croak before he finishes it. As such, I’d have taken far more liberties with the source to turn in something coherent and concise- to crush the coal into a diamond.

Xiphos: AGREED!

I agree entirely with what Jarv wrote but I want to hammer home a point here and this goes for any nation’s version of Hollywood and for the adaptation of any property being considered. DO NOT TRY AND DO A STRAIGHT ADAPTATION. Books and movies are different mediums that demand different approaches to storytelling. I’m not saying that this approach is golden and always works since there is a list as tall as Everest with failed adaptations that used this approach. All I am saying is you have a better chance of making something good if you chose the way of making it. More importantly though DO NOT PANDER TO THE  NERDS THAT WORSHIP THE SUBJECT BEING ADAPTED. Subject nerds, especially in the fantasy world, suck. They are whiny living in the forest but can’t see the trees douche nozzles that want the story they made in their heads produced exactly or they will hold their breath and stamp their feet and go on a crying jag that makes you sick to your stomach to read. Or worse they become like the GoT sycophants who think every clichéd bit of writing in GoT is  like the greatest thing EVAH!!!!!  and they sit around online trying to convince each other that it is. It’s truly a pathetic spectacle to behold.

 Conclusion:

It sucks, obviously, so it can have a barbarian orangutan of doom sitting under a Joshua tree. However, if some hard choices are made in the next series, and they seriously pare back the source material, which will no doubt be a massive source of consternation, then it could be redeemable. It is lush, and there is mucho nudity, but that, frankly, is not enough.

If we’re honest (and speaking for Xi as well here) we hold out no hope for improvement whatsoever.  Basically, it’s shit and whatever promise the first season held has long gone, At the end of the day, Game of Thrones is looking more and more like Lost but with swords, sandals and tits.

Until next time,

Jarv & Xi

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About Jarv

Workshy cynic, given to posting reams of nonsense on the internet and watching films that have inexplicably got a piss poor reputation.

137 responses to “Jarv and Xiphos explain why Game of Thrones Season 2 sucks giant flaming dragon balls”

  1. Jarv says :

    It’s awful, frankly. There’s so much that we didn’t cover. This is, as far as I can tell, though, a minority opinion, but I honestly couldn’t recommend anyone watching it.

    Our receptionist, who is a bit of a fantasy nerd, loves the books, said that it’s very, very literal, and even she concedes that it isn’t great. She does promise that the next series should be better.

    • Xiphos0311 says :

      We are by far in the minority and if you even obliquely suggest that GoT isn’t the best thing since slice bread the nerds go into high attack mode.

      • Jarv says :

        I don’t get it though- it’s so obviously rubbish. I’ve actually seen them complain that a character was ADDED in Dany’s storyline to get round the need for hours of her attending cocktail parties and shit.

        There’s no hope with that kind of thinking.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        Oh I missed that complaint, who was added? What were they hoping for more fabulous couture on Dany? fucking geeks man…

      • Jarv says :

        One of her slaves was added, apparently. I’ve got a feeling it’s the one that betrayed her.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        the one that was with “The King”?

      • Jarv says :

        Yes, I think so. I’m not sure, because I’ve got no frame of reference and have no idea what they were talking about.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        Yeah probably. The Dhokthari that followed Dany into the desert did so because of the dragons right? i wasn’t ever sure why they did that.

      • Jarv says :

        That’s a great case in point- they could have excised the entire wandering around in the desert bit and not lost anything- it appeared over three episodes, and could have been dealt with with ONE FUCKING LINE of exposition.

        One line!

        And don’t get me started on the meeting outside Qarth. I couldn’t work out why she wouldn’t just show them the dragons- it made no sense.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        yeah she was worried they would take them, which is what they did anyways. And it would be even easier inside the walls then outside. Just awful execution.

      • Jarv says :

        Not to mention that her whole speech was basically “If you don’t let me in, then I’ll come back with my dragons and make you sorry, but if you don’t let me in, we’ll die outside”.

        Nonsense. I wouldn’t have let her in.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        yeah the entire Quarth section sucked until the last couple of minutes in the House of the dead. Up until Dany showed some back bone with the dragons help, the HoD section sucked. Where you surprised when Conan showed up? I was expecting it.

      • Jarv says :

        No. As soon as I heard House of the Undead I saw it coming. He was good, again, actually.

    • Anonymous says :

      It really is not like the books. Love the books..hate the show. They ignore much of what makes the books so great and the people they picked for actors to portray the characters don’t fit at all.

  2. Xiphos0311 says :

    Barbarian OoD under a Joshua tree=instant Classic! Nice one Jarv. Thanks for doing the editing, posting and pictures top work that.

    Unfortunately the rating are high (for HBO they are huge) and the online “buzz” is great so I think they will double down on all that is bad next season. Oh well it will give me more trolling ammo to shoot nerds with.

    • Jarv says :

      Cheers Xi, no problem.

      I can see it coming. They’re going to do every single character and every single bloody storyline, no matter how boring, repetitive and irrelevant.

      Other things we didn’t mention-

      A high point was The Dink slapping Joffre- probably the best individual moment of the series.

      Really too many low points to go into, but I’d be surprised if Ginger Scottish bird with Lanky accent drops her top- she’s in Downton Abby etc. so might think she’s classy.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        Oh Fuck she’s on that show? no way the sweater meat comes out then, she’s all classy and shit. Does she sound weird on that show also?

      • Jarv says :

        No idea. Refuse to watch it- but that’s not her actual accent (which will be borderline unintelligible, because she’s not just Scottish but from Aberdeen).

        She might, however, be trying to break out of BBC acting- which means that they’ll come out- but she’s not like Clarke, for whom this was basically her first gig.

        Also, this partially is why Robb’s girl only shows sideboob- can’t have Chaplain’s granddaughter dropping them.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        yeah does sound like she is trying real hard to sound English instead of Scottish but the Scots accent makes its way through. Very odd and her calling Snow “Jon Snow” all the time is down right annoying.

      • Jarv says :

        Nah- there’s no trace of a Scots accent- honestly, it’s a Wigan/ Cumbria accent. Honestly, her real voice will sound like she’s got a mouthful of haggis.

      • Jarv says :

        Oh God “John Snow”-

        YES WE KNOW WHO HE FUCKING IS. WE GET IT. SHUT UP.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        Cumbria is like a border accent right? Wigan is that Irish?

      • Jarv says :

        Wigan is north Lancashire (north of England). Godforsaken place. Very thick accent, though, and I think that’s what they’re trying to sound like.

        Cumbria/ Northumbria are the border counties, I lean to Cumbria with her accent, because it’s got different inflections to the East Coast.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        Ah OK thanks for that.

      • Jarv says :

        I think, incidentally, that the Starks are meant to have a North Yorkshire/ Lancashire accent as well. It’s hard to tell, though.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        Well they are northerners so it makes sense they have an accent from the upper part of England I guess.

      • Jarv says :

        It does, and I’d have done the same, but feck’s sake, try for some consistency.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        The only consistency of GoY is the bad writing. Everything else they are like eh…fuck it we don’t care.

      • Jarv says :

        That’s so true. And as the writing is consistently bad, it’s strange that it’s all over the place in terms of weighting.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        Maybe because they stick to the source material so close is why its so inconstant. Not having read GoT i don’t know. Maybe somebody around here has read it and can clue us in about the consistency in the book. I would think though that if the POV changes in the book from character to character there might be some issues.

      • Jarv says :

        As far as I understand it, though, the “main” characters are not necessarily POV characters- Samwise, for example, is narrating Snow’s story.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        Oh OK i misunderstood I thought it constantly changed POV.

      • Jarv says :

        I don’t know to be honest. It’s probably a mix

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        The Dink slapped the hell out of the sniveling little shit which I was itching to do anytime he opened that soup cooler under his nose. Agreed absolutely the best part of the series.

      • Jarv says :

        I did like that some nerd basically ran it on loop for 10 minutes. That was ace.

      • Jarv says :

        Also, to be fair to the Kid playing Joffre- he’s got it spot on, and the sadism with the two hookers (the ungrateful twat) was well performed. Just he’s such a chore to watch on screen.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        Yeah that was funny.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        Yeah the kid does a good job you just can’t help but hate the little fucker.

      • Jarv says :

        He’s just so annoying as well.

        Which reminds me- all the shite with Headey moaning about getting The Dink back was paining me.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        yeah but to be fair to Headly her character exists to moan and whine about everything. It seems to me Martin has issues with females and doesn’t really like them. With the possible exception of Chaplin and maybe Arya stark i can’t think of any other truly sympathetic female character

      • Jarv says :

        I’ve wondered that-

        Basically, her character is so appalling and so inconsistent that it has to come from the source material. Not to mention what’s coming in the next book.

        I don’t think any of the characters are particularly well drawn.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        nope they aren’t very deep.The only characters that have any sort of depth to them are The Dink and maybe Arya? Maybe Snow.

      • Jarv says :

        The Dink, and possibly Carcetti.

        I think they’re trying for depth with Circe, but they’ve just bollocksed it. She’s a whining shrew, when she should be the female equivalent of The Dink.

        Some characters, like Joffre, are blatantly just one-dimensional villains, which is fine, but there needs to be some balance.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        I agree about Carcetti he became a stronger character as the series went on this time. With swords & Sandals type of show you do need a certain amount of one dimensional good/bad characters to make it work.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        yeah the accents seem to be all over the map even among family groups.

      • Jarv says :

        It’s bad acting for the most part. The Dink, Carcetti, Headey and Dance are fine, because they’re in BBC English. The “Northern” tribes, on the other hand are all over the place. Furthermore, why do Sansa and Arya have totally different accents to the rest of their family?

        Bean was doing his natural accent in the first series, as was Addy- which is a South Yorkshire accent. I’ve no idea what Fatass Gamgee is spouting.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        Fuck me I still can’t believe that was Carcetti. Man he nailed the “Balmore” accent perfectly in The Wire. I had no clue he was English. Same with Stringer Bell.

  3. Jarv says :

    Incidentally, while I’m thinking about this- the arm guards that the Orangutan is sporting came from some LARPER.

    Hehehehe

  4. kloipy says :

    So…you guys liked it?

    I haven’t seen one episode (though it’s been recommended over and over to me) and I really don’t think I’ll waste any time on this unless the 3rd season is over and above.

    Good work gentlemen

    • Jarv says :

      Cheers Kloipy.

      The first series is OK, and there’s shitloads of nudity. This series has been dire though.

      I wouldn’t bother personally- it’s Lost again.

      • kloipy says :

        that’s why i enjoy True Blood. Loads of nudity and monsters with no pretense to it being a ‘good’ show. I honestly have no interest in GoY as fantasy has been done to death honestly. I would however be interest in a version of Thomas Covenant

      • Jarv says :

        Couldn’t get into True Blood at all.

        Give the first series a shot- The Dink is great, but it doesn’t feel like it’s going anywhere.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        TB has some decent nudity but I thought this past season they front loaded it and it disappeared entirely later on. the story lines suck they moved so far away from the books that it has the opposite problem as GoY .

      • Jarv says :

        That’s strange- because the only good book is the 4th one. Which I think is where the series is now.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        I liked the books more then you did but my major issue is that they have, except for some very broad strokes, moved away from the books. I wouldn’t have problem with this if only what Alan Ball replaced it was was worth a shit, it isn’t. the new characters and plots sucks.

      • Jarv says :

        They’re fairly silly pieces of trash- and the never ending pelt saga was killing me.

        Shame to replace shite with shite

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        They are entirely silly trash I agree but i find them to be entertaining trash that requires nothing from me. Plus they have gotten really dark so that has helped.

      • Jarv says :

        The problem was that they’re like the Patricia Cornwell of trashy chick vampire fiction- in that about 5 of them refer to Debbie flaming Pelt, and I couldn’t remember what her problem was for most of it.

      • Jarv says :

        Not to mention that they’re bloody silly. Werepanthers, werefoxes, weretigers, wereswans, etc etc etc.

      • kloipy says :

        I heard that Ball is not working on TB anymore so maybe they might bring it around a bit. Although the ‘story’ kind of grates on me sometimes, it is honestly just so cheesy that I can’t help but enjoy it. I love that they don’t normally shy away from all out violence and gore and nudity. Sure it is ridiculous but it reminds me of a show that you would sneak peeks at while your parents watched it. It is just dumb fun. They do need more of the hot red-head, but then I got a thing for hot red heads

      • Jarv says :

        Meh. I’ve got friends that swear it’s great. Never got it, myself.

      • kloipy says :

        I would never say it is ‘great’. It’s just dumb fun. I can totally understand why people would hate it. I just like the world they created. At first I heard about the were-panthers and thought that sounded like the dumbest thing ever. But now I just laugh because they just throw everything in there.

      • Jarv says :

        Werepanthers and tigers were dumb enough, but I’m nearly certain there are foxes, weasels, stoats, swans and all sorts of nonsense.

      • Toadkillerdog says :

        Can’t watch that show, just can’t. I tried but, well it swings the wrong way for me. Nothing wrong with that, but not my cup of Earl Grey

    • Xiphos0311 says :

      Kloipy Jarv is correct, the first season was a least mildly entertaining but this past season was mostly dreadful

      • kloipy says :

        Can i skip the second season without too much issue, or is it is something I need to see to know where the story is going

      • Jarv says :

        You can bin it. I reckon I can summarise the key developments in terms of story in a paragraph.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        I disagree with Jarv on this one. there is so much info and so many people and agendas that skipping it would leave you hopelessly behind the 8 ball.

      • kloipy says :

        if it comes on netflix, i’ll give it a go. i have so many other shows to watch. Just got caught up (with the exception of season 5) of Mad Men and every one says i need to watch The wire

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        You do need to watch The Wire ASAP cause Omar comin if you be in the game..

      • kloipy says :

        I have not seen 1 episode yet, but from what I hear it is amazing

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        I stay away from words like amazing or transcendent because that would put me in league with the Breaking Bad numb nuts or the GoY weirdos that oversell those shows. The Wire is however very very good.

      • Jarv says :

        The first four series of the Wire are some of the best television of all time. Season 2 is a bit of a step down between 1 and 3, but even then it’s still watchable.

        Omar FTW.

      • Jarv says :

        Yes, but nothing has happened- seriously, this is a synopsis of where the characters and plot are at the end of GOT Season 2:

        1) The War. Stalemate. Robb Stark winning, slightly. He’s just got married.
        2) Winterfell. Who cares. Youngest 2 Stark kids now on run.
        3) Arya- on run, has arrangement with guild of assassins
        4) Court- Joffre in power, Sansa put aside. Circe insane, Dink wounded. Littlefinger about to go to new Castle and take Sansa with him. Hound quit.
        5) The Wall- Snow captured by Northern Tribesmen (Wildings), Zombies on march south.
        6) The East- May as well not have happened. Dany marooned with a bit more cash. Dragons still babies.
        7) Jamie Lannister being returned to court by giant lesbian.

        Seriously, that’s it- you could honestly take those 7 points and skip the entire series. I’ve probably missed some but no-one of importance.

      • koutchboom says :

        kloipy, skip the Wire, go straight for the real man shit, Blue Bloods. Now that’s a cop show worth a damn.

  5. tombando says :

    Needs Giant Robots.

    I will Not be watching.

    Sounds horribly flawed.

    Definition of derivative.

    Really needed Mssrs Fahey, Warwick Davis and Kevin J O’conner.

    Robot Lions would be essential to improving this.

    Xiphos you made it this far?

    • Xiphos0311 says :

      yes i did Tom, I was fascinated by the nattering nerds reaction to this. I couldn’t believe we were watching the same thing.

  6. tombando says :

    Falling skies is about as bad, guilty of all the same vices as GoT save it Has aliens and needs even more help.

    Plus Giant robot lions.

  7. tombando says :

    -rather see Cave Dwellers or Time of the Apes myself-

  8. MORBIUS says :

    Bitch Slap redux

  9. Toadkillerdog says :

    I think y’all should just admit that your geek DNA and monkey reflex (see and do) prevents you from not watching the show and the guilt is killing you!
    Ha!
    I refuse to defend the show because it is not worth it. I have come to the conclusion that this is just a small step above a sfyfy channel movie only because of the nudity.

    Ignore it and walk away, and you will sleep better, or keep watching and you will have lots of material to bitch about, but you will feel dirty!

    • Jarv says :

      Ignore it and walk away, and you will sleep better, or keep watching and you will have lots of material to bitch about, but you will feel dirty!

      It’s done now. I’m intentionally not going to mention that the next series is coming to the missus. I shall sleep like a baby.

  10. ThereWolf says :

    Really good write-up, lads.

    I hope a few ‘Thrones’ groupies show up to shout at you now!

    I haven’t got a clue what this is beyond the ‘slapping’ vids – which are very funny. I doubt very much I’ll be watching the series.

  11. Tal says :

    This season was awful. Nothing ever happens, huge time sink and zero entertainment.

    What kind of audience like endless blabbering that goes nowhere, this is silly.

    The story line is weird and doesn’t make much sense, there are just too many holes there. how Theon “betrays” Robb who sent him to bring ships. I was like “ok….wtf? really?” – Absolutely stupid.

    They should just rename it to: Lost II.

    Or maybe I just got used to better entertainment, like Spartacus :D

    • Jarv says :

      Cheers for the comment. I’ve never seen Spartacus, and GoT has put me off a bit.

      • Tal says :

        Spartacus is much better entertainment. It has the sex, violence and the scripts are better by far AND they make sense, unlike Game of thrones.

        It does have a somewhat “slow” 1st/2nd episodes (compared to the other episodes) but by episode 4, you are all into it, and it just gets better with every episode.

        The thing is that they never leave you “hanging” for, “OMG WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT” and the next episode nothing happens.

        Every single episode in Spartacus throughout the entire 3 seasons is full of action, I never got bored.

        Also, as much as I like fantasy, the way it was done in GoT season 2, is retarded. A smoke visionary killing the king? A mirror image warlock?

        And the worst, a little girl whining “where are my dragonz? give me a break.

        +, book or not, they killed the 2 characters that actually made the show, Ned Stark and Khal Drogo,

      • Jarv says :

        Strong words, I’ll have a look.

        Totally agree with you about Dany Whinging, It was killing me “waaaaaah, where’s my respect” oh, fuck off.

        And that last line, I didn’t like Ned, because all the court stuff was monumentally boring last time, but Khal Drogo was awesome- they clearly should sack the books and go with what works. So bin 3/4 of it, minimum.

        Annoying tripe.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        Spartacus has its own set of problems most notably way to much dudity and filmed in the same way as 300 which gets annoying since it points out that the show has a shoe string budget. On the plus side it does have Gannicus so that is alright. The thing Spartacus has going for it is that it’s way more entertaining than Game of Yawns even if its dumb a lot of the time

        How is Drago an awesome character? for a horse lord he never rode and sat around glowering while looking like a reject from a Cure video in all that guy liner.

      • Jarv says :

        Tore out guy’s throat with bare hands. Poured molten gold on that moaning git.

      • Droid says :

        I think he had the potential to be good (not sure about “awesome”), but they didn’t do much with him and then killed him in a pretty lame way.

      • Jarv says :

        Suppose so. I hated that whinging turd so much though that I rated the crowning scene.

      • Droid says :

        I was surprised he put up with him so long.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        true but the rest of the time he sat on a stool looking like he was going to cut himself in order to ease “the pain”

  12. kloipy says :

    *spoilers and shit*
    I just reread this and have now seen both seasons. Here are some of my (rambling) thoughts on the show. First off, I almost quit after finding the first 4 episodes extremely boring, but stuck with it. I liked Bean as Stark a lot, so of course they had to kill him off. Everything with Tyrion is gold. The Dink proves that he is the best thing on the show and for me the greatest part of it’s watchability. It is NOT the best show ever as it is claimed to be over and over again. the nudity is pretty topnotch and definitely adds some pizazz to the show. The second season: I liked it, didn’t love it, but I understand both of your criticisms of the second season. A lot of it felt entirely useless and took WAY too long for anything to happen, which i think is the main problem of the show altogether. Yes, I do want character development and plot and all, but at the same time, i think the budget contrains a lot of the show which results in a lot more travelling than we need to actually see. I’m still looking forward to the 3rd season and I hope that they fix some of these issues from here on out. I have no clue what happens in the novels so I’m not sure where the story is going on, but I feel like its conclusion is going to be nothing more like someone destroying the throne and breaking the kingdoms apart due to the coming of the white walkers. Now is the winter of our discontent

  13. tombando says :

    Needs giant robots

  14. Continentalop says :

    I think both of you are missing the point of GoT. It’s a soap opera for dudes who’d never be caught dead watching General Hospital. it’s just a fantasy version of the EastEnders or Dallas, if they were made for Skinemax.

    I like GoT, but is “low-brow” (whatever that really means) mascarading as “high-brow” tripe. Anyone who says this series is great art is deluding themselves.

    • Continentalop says :

      Oh, forgot to add – good comments by both of you. It was a funny and accurate round table by you two. The only thing I think you missed was the soap opera angle.

      Question for Xi – should all the Night Watch be dressed in white or only the actual Rangers? It seems hard to imagine keeping that big of force secret from the wildlings as they move (with horses and supplies), but I always thought at least the scouts should be wearing white camo. Or do you think all of them should be wearing camo?

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        When operating in a mostly white environment I would want to match the background as much as possible. It reduces your target profile. i assume the wilding have, at the very least, a few different projectile weapons arrows spears and javelins. Why make it easy for them? Also if you end up like “Jun Snew” cut off an alone I would say having on some camo would increase your survivability index

      • Continentalop says :

        Yes true (especially Jon Snow, who was sent on an actually scouting mission with rangers) but I’m wondering if an argument could be made to have to larger group keep “the black.” They are on a scouting and rescue mission, maybe they are thinking wearing the black lets the missing rangers have a chance at spotting them and finding them?

        Of course, I admit, there could be a thousand things wrong with that strategy. I’m just playing Devil’s Advocate.

        And, you’re right, the show needs more Bronn and the Hound.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        whatever the predominant motif of background color is you don’t want to stick out against it. jet black clothing in a mostly white environment says shoot me/stab me now evil doer.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        Bron was hilarious and didn’t much care and was a pure mercenary striking every time the iron was hot for more scrilla.

        The Hound on the other hand had a lot more depth and honor to him then what was visible on the surface. He’s a complex and interesting character.

      • Continentalop says :

        I like both those characters because they are both pragmatic realist. Your romantic ideals about chivalry and nobility? Fuck ‘em, they don’t help you on the battlefield or in the court of King Joeffrey. Of course, Bronn is much more amoral while the Hound, as you said, is a deeper character who is actually very noble, in his own gruff way.

        The worse thing about GoT, the TV series and the books, is that my favorite characters are the ones that don’t get nearly enough screen time and are not fleshed out enough Bronn, The Hound, Gendry (the blacksmith bastard son of King Robert), Davos, and King Stannis Baratheon (who is way, way better in the book).

      • Continentalop says :

        And I like Varys the Spider, the eunuch master of spies, because I find him campy and funny. He’s like having a bitchy Noel Coward running your intelligence department.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        Was Barathon the idiot that bunch up his fleet so The Dink could take them all out?

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        Yeah the fey fat dude as a Noel Coward knock off is funny

      • Continentalop says :

        Yep. But in his defense, in the book his strategy is a lot smarter (and so is Tyrion’s counter strategy). HBO of course had to dumb it down.

        In the TV series he is pretty bland, but in the books he is very interesting. And has a rod stuck up the rod in his ass.

      • Continentalop says :

        And whenever Varys is on screen, I think of Ghostbusters.

        “Yes, it’s true. This man has no dick.”

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        I would hope so since the strategery on the show was just dumb.

        This man has no dick hahahahah

    • koutchboom says :

      Hehehe I feel like Sons of Anarchy is a dudes soap opera but less manly than most soap operas.

    • Xiphos0311 says :

      apparently you don’t read the pathetic ramblings of AICN type nerds trying to convince themselves every week that GoY is the best show ever made. A sadder spectacle has yet to se light on line. Although this Harlem Shake douchebaggery might just take the title.

      • Continentalop says :

        When have the nerds at AICN ever been right?

        This are the same knuckleheads who said Spider-Man 1 was a great movie when it came out and are only now backtracking, and who think the X-Men movies don’t have a gay subtext. And think Drive is better than The Driver or Thief.

        AICN is a case study of mass delusion. And eating too many carbs.

      • tombando says :

        Plus any time you see Harold fap, you can bet he’s on the take or close to it. A Serbian film, for example.

      • Continentalop says :

        God, tom, I hope he was on the take for A Serbian Film. Otherwise that means he really gets his jollies watching such dreck.

    • Xiphos0311 says :

      apparently you don’t read the pathetic ramblings of AICN type nerds trying to convince themselves every week that GoY is the best show ever made. A sadder spectacle has yet to se light on line. Although this Harlem Shake douchebaggery might just take the title.

  15. tombando says :

    You would hope so. He’s vile otherwise, ditto Beaks and his penchant for rape flicks.

  16. Jordan says :

    You sir, are a loser with nothing better to do but to bash shows on the internet

    • ThereWolf says :

      Nah, it’s called an opinion.

    • Xiphos0311 says :

      you, fuckface, support shitty shows. here’s a dollar go downtown and buy yourself some taste you fucking hatchet wound.

      BTW retard two people collaborated on this post. Here’s another dollar; while you’re downtown. buying a clue, also get some basic reading comprehension skills cum breath.

  17. Tal says :

    Can’t bother with the 3rd season since I already have people around me telling me its crap.

    Of course Spartacus (Currently on episode 5 last season) shines. Every episode fully deserves the time spent on it. It’s constantly have the epic feeling.

    Screw GoT. Retarded overhyped show. It had 1 season.

  18. Ikomasoji says :

    I would just like to point out a few things. One, your complaints are almost entirely valid all all counts. The show is pretty much just utter garbage. That being said, however, most of the problems with the show stem from HUGE GAPING changes that were made between the shows and the books. The second season branches SO far off field from the books frankly it’s impressive. Your complaints on military tactics used is a great example. The attack is handled in a completely different and completely piss poor manner in the show compared to the books. He is still routed in the books, of course, but it is much more dependent on the fact that his auxiliary forces are broken from a flanking attack, and not as dependent on The crazy rush on one location. That and Stannis is never seen randomly scrapping on the battlements for no fucking good in the books. Seriously, what King is the first up a siege ladder? And what guards let the first guy up a siege ladder actually survive? The guys just stand there and wait for him to get his feet under him so he can stab them…

    Anyway, I just wanted to throw out that the books are in fact much better written then this travesty of a show.

    • Jarv says :

      Christ? Really? I still maintain the problem is that they are clearly throwing out the wrong bits of the books.

      Thanks for the comment.

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