Alien Hunter (2003)

scifi-series10

Director: Ron Krauss

Starring: James Spader, Janine Eser, John Lynch

Hello, I’m not dead! I’ve managed to clamber free of the dole-drums for a minute in a probably futile effort to resurrect this ailing Sciffy series. I’m well out of writing (and film watching) practice and it might show – so apologies. May contain a very brief, barely noticeable reference to The Thing and lots of spoilers…

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XIPHOS TV ROUND UP

maninchair_thumbIt’s that time once again for me to tell you what new TV shows I tried out and why most of them have sucked. I think the “golden age” of TV we have been living in this century might be ebbing right now. Hopefully TV can bounce back soon but looking at the shows on the horizon I don’t think so. Still, TV is better than the movies at this point but not by as much as it use to be. The suck gap is narrowing fast. Read More…

The view from the couch: The catch up begins.

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Christ, it’s been a while since I’ve reviewed anything, due to Halloween remake 2 breaking my brain, and not in a good way, but having spent the last three months with a baby in the house, we’ve not really watched anything in the way of films. What we have watched, however, is a whole shitload of TV. So, brace yourself for a stampede of mini-reviews, for stuff that you’ve all probably seen already.

As is usual with this, I’ll be honest about how long I stuck to each series before throwing poo at it.

Also, I’m so far behind, I’m splitting this mammoth post into sections. This is part one.

Contains spoilers, and lots of them, below Read More…

REVIEW – Guardians of the Galaxy: Space Camp

GotG_01By zombie_fatigue

Many thanks to zombie_fatigue for writing up this review of Marvel’s latest exercise in mediocrity (I say sight unseen). Cheers mate.

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[Insert Ape Pun Here] Kloipy has seen Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

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‘Dawn of the Planet of the Apes’ kicks off with a rousing hunt scene. Instead of the apes chasing down humans, we are treated to a nearly wordless 10 minutes sequence in which the apes in formation, stalk and take down some elk and nearly escape a bear attack. Though the hunt turns into chaos it is also apparent that the apes had continued to evolve from ‘Rise’ by the fact that they have now established hunting tools, some wearing war paint, some riding horses, and a colony in between the giant redwoods. This society has families, a sort of school, some laws that they have put together, and at the top of the chain stands Caesar. He has taken the leader position and rules it well. Read More…

A REVIEW OF ALL YOU NEED IS KILL…ER…I MEAN THE DORK TREK TITLED CRUISER SCI-FI FLICK

Live Die repeat

Here’s a quick review of the Cruise Missile Man’s Groundhog Day battle/sci fi/war flick All You Need is Kill. Sorry Jarv, I’m going with the grammatically incorrect but much more apt original title since it works better with the story than that shitty Christian Rock album title. Read More…

Here we go again- Halloween (2007)

Halloween-Remake-poster

You want to know what this film is? No? Well, I don’t care, I’m telling you anyway. It’s cinematic necrophilia.

Resurrection had killed the series, again, but much like it’s protagonist it simply couldn’t stay dead. The concept still made money, so there was a desire to continue it in some way. Thankfully, Busta Rhymes v Myers was so piss poor that it killed the idea of a sequel in that continuity stone dead, but there’s one thing Halloween has always done: latch on to current trends. Sadly, the trend in the second half of the last decade was driven by Platinum Dunes and involved heinously awful plastic remakes of classics (or otherwise) of the genre. We’ve had Nightmare on Elm St, The Fog, Dawn of the Dead (obligatory fuck you Snyder), Day of the Dead, Prom Night, The Hitcher, Hills Have Eyes, The Crazies (arguably the best of the trend), The Omen, Black Christmas, My Bloody Valentine, Texas Chainsaw Massacre and so on and so forth. What this dismal list has in common (aside from that a significant number of them were date based slashers spawned by the original Halloween), is that only The Crazies is a decent film, and most of them not only miss the point of the originals, but manage to be shiny, polished but ultimately entirely boring entries into the genre.  Read More…

Halloween: Resurrection. Or as I like to think of it, the series returning to form

 

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I’m sick to death of the sight of this review so I’m publishing it. Sorry about the rough state of it.

Who on earth thought this was a good idea? Come on, own up…

After the relative critical and overwhelming cash success of H20, the inevitable happened: another sequel. I’m going to go out on a limb here and state that in no way did H20 warrant a sequel. Particularly not one with Myers in it- as the Laurie Strode storyline had been completed with her grabbing a chopper (c.f Leslie Vernon) and taking it to her murderous sibling. Case fucking closed. Nevertheless, cash registers had chimed, so sequel time it was. Except this time, it was after the turn of the century, so the trend had changed. Around about 2000, give or take, a number of hidden camera/ internet/ found footage films appeared. Almost all of them (honourable exception to My Little Eye) are total garbage, but this trend was going strong, and for some reason the writers of Halloween 8 decided to incorporate Myers into it. This, frankly, is a terrible idea, but not quite as bad as the one to cast Busta Rhymes as a media mogul.

Spoilers and the deeply annoying survival of Busta Rhymes ahead.  Read More…

Reboot attempt number 3 with added postmodernism- Halloween H20: Twenty Years Later

H20-poster

Back in the early 90’s it was wisely observed that slasher movies were dead, and in no small part the Halloween series was noticed standing over the corpse saying “It’s a fair cop, officer”. The relentless parade of sub par sequels, and mindless killing machines, delivered  without an iota of charm or wit had quite simply killed not only slashers, but horror in general. We were all set to bury the corpse, and move on to maybe sci-fi horror (the likes of Event Horizon weren’t far away), but a funny thing happened on the way to the funeral. Wes Craven, one of the godfathers of the genre came back with Scream. Now, Scream was seminal at the time, not only was it a good film in its own right, but it gave the entire genre a shot in the arm. Admittedly, it did also usher in the age of postmodernism, but that’s not its fault. With the brave new dawn of “clever” slasher movies upon us, the decision was made to have another look at the Halloween films, and maybe update them to the 1990’s. The result was Halloween H20.

Contains the very welcome return of Jamie Lee Curtis and spoilers below

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